Posted by daisym on November 22, 2005, at 19:34:05
In reply to I don't want to feel this way..., posted by LittleGirlLost on November 22, 2005, at 14:16:32
But you do. It really is a double edge sword, isn't it? Caring so much about our therapists but then hurting about them as well.
Your hurt is totally justified -- I would be upset too if we didn't even talk about the fact that I'd be missing my session due to a Holiday. And of course you expected to be offered another slot. I wish you had been able to say, "can we find another time this week?" because then you would know if she was gone, or full or whatever. I seriously doubt you are being punished for having an off day. You aren't bad, she doesn't think you are bad, she knows some sessions are better than others.
When I finally let go and railed at my therapist about the inequity of the situation --I cared so much more than he did--he was able to help me see how he does care and we talked through a lot of my frustrations. I still get sad, mad and upset about the boundaries and rules, but I know he does care about me. And that goes a long way to soothe things. I think you should tell her. And if you've told her before, tell her again.
As far as writing stuff down, I know it is hard but if you can read some of it at the beginning of the session, you probably will find it launches a discussion. It is hard to get into stuff at the end of session, at least for me. When I first starting doing this, it was hard for me. I felt sort of foolish reading to him. But truthfully, it has been one of the most productive tools we've used. He will usually ask me which part of a long piece I want to talk about. Or he will go back to what he thinks is surprising or significant. Sometimes it is talking about how telling him has made me feel. There have only been a few occasions where I couldn't read out loud what I wrote and handed it to him. And that wasn't nearly as productive. Try it -- it really might help.
(((LGL))) I can't begin to tell you how many times Fallsfall had to tell me I was worth caring about before I believed it. So I'll tell you -- You are worth caring about. I'm sure your therapist does. And so do I. Don't torture yourself. Call her.
poster:daisym
thread:581276
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051118/msgs/581367.html