![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 52 to 76 of 76. Go back in thread:
Posted by Karen_kay on January 8, 2004, at 16:32:42
In reply to Re: talking about traumas in therapy.. » Karen_kay, posted by antigua on January 8, 2004, at 15:57:45
When I vacuum, I have to stand with my back to the wall. And I constantly keep watching everywhere. Usually I'm ok since I've identified why I do it. But, I noticed last night it was bad.... Really bad... I saw my reflection in the door window and I screamed... I'm keeping all of my lights on in my house... I hate feeling like this... I used to think that I was afraid of ghosts or a demon was coming to get me. Now I realize exactly what it was that was coming to get me and since then I haven't been scared like this. I just DON'T get it... And usually when I get this way and the anxiety level is this high I start to hallucinate...I'm just really scared right now...I've had to deal with being terrified like this long enough and actually thinking that I was crazy and when I honestly think that I have a chance to start over and that this feeling is gone, it begins again.....I don't understand why.. I really don't. I just think maybe I'm a horrible preson or something and I deserve this. I know that's not true but man, it's crap that I have to start feeling like this again. Real crap! I guess maybe it's a sign tht *something's* coming?? Holding on to my pants... It's going to be a bumpy ride. I like rollercoasters and all, but I'm getting tired of this one!!! :(
Posted by Pfinstegg on January 8, 2004, at 18:10:32
In reply to Re: talking about traumas in therapy.. » Pfinstegg, posted by Karen_kay on January 8, 2004, at 15:29:05
Thanks, Karen! I really appreciate your helpful and supportive message- even when I don't post, I always read, and get a lot of support and strength for the huge challenges of facing these things in therapy. I didn't post for a while because the stuff we were dealing with just seemed so embarrassing and shameful; but, once I got through some of it I felt better. The thing is- there is so much, and it just seems endless, doesn't it? I guess we'd all love to get it over and done with quickly, and it just won't work that way!
It seemed to me as though your mood made a sudden change about half-way through your post. You began by telling about the fears of someone coming- when you were in the shower, etc., and how it felt somewhat less frightening now that you knew what the reason was. But then, as you continued, it seemed that your fear-about the dream of forgiveness?-or other images of someone coming in? got greater. I don't know if I understood you correctly, but that is what it seemed like. I mention it because it is just what I do- going very quickly from feeling that I can manage my feelings to feeling that they are overwhelming me. From my analyst's viewpoint, I've suddenly dissociated, switching in an instant from the adult me to the child, who is naturally extremely fearful, helpless and unable to cope. I wasn't even aware that this was happening, but am now at least suspicious of it when I have a sudden mood change in a negative direction. This may not apply to you at all, but I just thought I'd mention it.
My hope- for you and me and all of us- is that we'll all gradually have more and more of the calm, understanding reactions, and less of the overwheming emotional flooding. I get the feeling that everyone here feels that they've made progress towards this, but that there are still a lot of un-mastered areas for everyone. Don't you think it has a huge amount to do with having a safe relationship with your therapist, which we are gradually internalizing in the place of the original traumatizing one? A slow process, but so worth it.
Thanks so much for you encouragement and good wishes- I wish just the same for you, and I think it's especially smart and wonderful that you are doing this while you are still so young. It will make such a positive difference on the rest of your life.
Pfinstegg
Posted by Karen_kay on January 8, 2004, at 19:11:37
In reply to Re: talking about traumas in therapy.. » Karen_kay, posted by Pfinstegg on January 8, 2004, at 18:10:32
I have to agree with what you said. I think that just thinking about the dream and forgiveness causes my anxiety (in the form of fear) to skyrocket! And I almost retreat back to that scared little girl. But, I'm a *very* rational person and just don't want to beieve this psycho-babble mumbo jumbo (and please don't be offended by this, because I KNOW for a fact it's true that threrapy works I just wish that I didn't need it :(. I just want to subscribe to the notion of "Suck it up and go on with your life" you know? I'm not a little girl, I'm an adult. But, I know that this won't work. It worked for a while, but it just isn't working anymore.
And it just isn't fair that we're the ones left feeling ashamed. I keep telling my therapist that this is hard to talk about because I feel ashamed and dirty. And I know that he's trying to correct my thinking by telling me that I didn't do anything wrong, but one time he asked me why I didn't leave. And it just made me feel worse. Like I don't ask myself that anyway.
I am really continually questioning my relationship with my therapist. Maybe I'm not in the right frame of mind to do so. Maybe it is the perfect time. I think I'll start a new post and get some input from other posters. It's just that I really don't trust him a lot of the time, but I KNOW I have a real problem trusting people anyway. I have put in almost a year with him, so I don't want to give that up. And I'll talk with him and see what he says, but when I've talked in the past (not seriously though) he's always just said "Well, that's your decision." I'm just really not feeling well right now. I'm really feeling lost and scared and confused. It'd be nice if I had a good therapist to talk to right now.....
I too wish everyone here the best.... It's nice to have people to reach out to. And I'm glad that you're feeling well enough to post again. I'm happy that your therapy is going well (of sorts). It's hard. A lot more than I ever bargained for! I thought I was looking at a month or two for anxiety.
It's a slow process. Wish I had a magic wand to wave over your head, everyone else as well, and make everyone "all better." Guess we'll have to take our chances with therapy?
Posted by Pfinstegg on January 8, 2004, at 21:58:01
In reply to Re: talking about traumas in therapy.. » Pfinstegg, posted by Karen_kay on January 8, 2004, at 19:11:37
I do feel strongly that a good "fit" with our therapists is very important. If you know, at heart, that the fit is right, it's so much easier to weather the negative transferences, like doubting whether they like or understand us. I had a therapist who was not helpful before the one I have now, and when I made a change, I "shopped" for the right one. That meant going to interview four of them. It was stressful, telling the same painful story to all of them, but I knew right away when I found the right one- he was warm, humorous, smart and and had a way of getting to the heart of things without seeming intrusive. I sort of felt "at home" right away, and this has seen me through all kinds of tough tranference times. Also, he had been in practice for 30 years, and so was very experienced and professional.
You mentioned that you are going to need to make a change after a little more than a year. It sounds like you have definitely gotten some benefit from the one you have presently, even though it's a little rough right now. I bet you can make more gains over the next year- then you, too, can go "shopping"!
Pfinstegg
Posted by Karen_kay on January 8, 2004, at 23:13:04
In reply to Re: talking about traumas in therapy.. » Karen_kay, posted by Pfinstegg on January 8, 2004, at 21:58:01
Thank you :) You're right.... He's new at this and so am I. So, he makes some mistakes every once in a while. I guess I can't say I'm the perfect client, though I am pretty close :) It's strange though, I notice that when I open this particular thread I just shake.... I know where my anxiety is coming from and I need to face it.. I think I'll keep him around for a while, even if he makes a few mistakes every now and again! He is the right fit... I know it. Thanks for showing me....
Yours truly :)
Karen
Posted by DaisyM on January 9, 2004, at 0:25:29
In reply to To the always insightful » Pfinstegg, posted by Karen_kay on January 8, 2004, at 23:13:04
<<<It's strange though, I notice that when I open this particular thread I just shake.... I know where my anxiety is coming from and I need to face it..
Karen,
I'm sorry this thread upsets you. I keep forgetting that we should mark things as possible triggers...You are doing great. I love the way you cheer everyone else on.
Holding you in my thoughts tonight.
-D
Posted by Karen_kay on January 9, 2004, at 12:22:52
In reply to Re: To the always insightful » Karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on January 9, 2004, at 0:25:29
I kind of like having that up there... It makes the person that the post is directed to feel really good and insightful :)
Anyway, I think it is a good step that I keep returning to this post, even if I don't like it. At least I'm acknowledging things that I'm so apt to avoid. And it isn't that I'm constantly rereading this post. I'm going slow, so I'm ok. I think I'm doing it right? I just wish I had a live-in therapist who told me every single step to take and thought to think. "Now Karen, do your homework. It's ok to relax. Now, you have to think aobut the hard stuff. Now, you really shouldn't smoke, ect.." I need guidance!!!! Frustration is what I feel today!
Also, I had a nightmare last night, but it was about my therapist. And I have the overwhelming urge to call him. Just to ask if he's ok. But, I don't want to bug him. I was in a session with him and he started talking about my wine vineyard, so I looked to the left (which I do when he says something wrong). Then he continued to talk about all kinds of different things that I had no clue about but I can't remember what they are, just strange things. Finally I asked, "Are you OK?" and he started crying. I rushed to his feet and he fell to the ground and I held him while he cried and he told me he was dying.
What a horrible dream... Why do I keep dreaming about people crying? I want to call him and ask if he's ok, but I'm sure he is, right?? Please tell me he's ok...
Posted by DaisyM on January 9, 2004, at 14:26:49
In reply to Re: To the always insightful » DaisyM, posted by Karen_kay on January 9, 2004, at 12:22:52
Yuck...bad dreams are the worst! I'm sure he is fine.
What do you make of the dream? It sounds like images of you and then your dad, all entwined. Also, didn't he recently tell you he might start crying? And you weren't sure you could handle that? I have no idea where the vineyard comes in.
I'm glad you can be Ok with this thread. I know it is hard, but at least you know you aren't alone. Which is really important.
When does school start again? Will it interfere with your therapy? Have you thought about going more?
Posted by Karen_kay on January 9, 2004, at 15:03:44
In reply to Re: To the always insightful » Karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on January 9, 2004, at 14:26:49
I've been thinking quite a bit about the dream... This is what I've come up with...
*My fear that he's going away or leaving me, as well as trust issues (Him dying and not telling me sooner. For some reason I seem to think, though I don't recall for *certain* something about a brain tumor from the dream.)
*Also the fact that I don't always trust him or his approach and I'm a bit skeptical (Mistakes he's made in the past, which were reflected in this dream by him talking about things that didn't pertain to me.)
*My wish to be closer to him, yet pretending I don't and fearing that closeness, emotional, yet portrayed as physical closeness in the dream. Also, I'm not quite sure how to feel things during the session and often project my feelings of aloofness and unsupportiveness onto him.
And I know that it is similar in a lot of ways to the dream I had about my father, which also ended with him crying and me holding him. But, I'm still not ready to think about that.
I actually called him because I know that if I didn't I wouldn't be able to keep it together this weekend and classes start on Monday. He offered me a 4:00 appointment, but I declined. He assured me that he's fine, feeling a bit frustrated since a meeting was canceled, but healthy.
Now, for my *logical* explanation:
Maybe the dying thing came into play because he's had a cough? The vineyard is because the town I used to live in has a vineyard with my last name. I think the crying is a mixture of him saying he might cry during a session and the fact that during the last session I thought he was going to cry because I told him he really hurt my feelings by not returning my phone call. And the hug could be because of the post I responded to regarding the person who asked for a hug and was declined. See, I can think of a logical explanation for everything as well!!And, I wouldn't be against seeing him more often, he just hasn't offered. And I certainly wouldn't want him to think that I need him. That I'm actually working at this. Funny, he asked me on the phone, "Now, when you come in on Wednesday, are you going to tell me what you really think it means?" Apparently he does know me!! Those things I typed up there I would never actually think to tell him! I just don't like it when people know that I need them. I'm actually surprised I called him. He was too! I think that's why he offered me the appointment. And I think if I would have taken it, it would have been good. But, I don't have makeup on right now. And that's a time consuming process. Oh, to be me. I swear, sometimes I just hate it! :(
Posted by DaisyM on January 9, 2004, at 19:03:10
In reply to Re: To the always insightful » DaisyM, posted by Karen_kay on January 9, 2004, at 15:03:44
Wow - good for you for calling. Seems like another big step for you (says she who hates to call also but is learning to make herself!).
You should have taken the appointment, especially with school starting Monday. However, I would not have gone without makeup either!I think you did a great job looking at your dream. My bet is the first set of thoughts are more accurate than the second. So tell him when you see him about both. It is interesting how the mind works to seperate things.
I can see in your other posts that you've decided your negative feelings about him are your projections. Have you told him this? If so, what does he think?
I basically said something to mine yesterday like, "I don't want to deal with all of this, I can't imagine why you would." He said, "that statement is a direct reflection from how you felt as a child, and you are projecting those feelings on to me." I haven't really thought about projection much before, but maybe...
Posted by Karen_kay on January 9, 2004, at 20:10:03
In reply to Re: To the Dreamweaver » Karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on January 9, 2004, at 19:03:10
I think I'm getting accustomed to this whole dream thing. I used to be good at figuring out dreams, or so I thought. Now look at me. I've been reading a lot and I know that I'm really just afraid to tell him that I need him. I'm afraid to tell myself at this point. I know that I don't need him to get through the day or anything like that but I'm just been so used to ONLY being able to depend on myself at this point and I know that now I really need his guidance to help me figure things out.
And the whole projection thing, I've mentioned it several times. During sessions Ill say, "You seem hostile today," and he'll just sit there for a second and let me think about it and I'll say, "Ok, I know I'm just projecting my feelings onto you."
But, I don't realize that I've been doing it to this extent. That me seeing him as unsupportive is really just because of the fact that I'm unemotional during the session. I want to being emotions into the session, I really do.
It was sweet. On the phone he mentioned he was frustrated and that his day would be better if he had a client like me today :) See, he is a really good therapist. He knows when to say the right things. And how to make everything better. I'm not as anxious today, especially since I talked to him and KNOW that he is ok. And I don't feel that "fear" like I did yesterday, which is good. Maybe it's because I did talk to him today and he made me feel better, put my mind at ease???
I know that I need to think about the dream about my father and forgiving him, but don't I first need to "feel" something about what happened before I can actually forgive him? I think maybe that is what that dream is telling me as well. That it is time for me to start feeling something. Anger, rage, frustration, hurt ANYTHING...It's time to stop denying and start healing! I'm on my way babe!Feeling good and ready to move on,
Karen(Ah, the power of dreams, baby!)
Posted by DaisyM on January 9, 2004, at 21:22:25
In reply to Dreamweaver get me through.. » DaisyM, posted by Karen_kay on January 9, 2004, at 20:10:03
I could use a little less dreaming these days.
I think you have to keep remembering that there is no right or wrong way to feel or not...you don't have to do any or all of the emotions. You just have to let things happen.
I've decided that my feelings "found" me...not the other way around. It was this that forced to begin to sort all this out.
Posted by Karen_kay on January 9, 2004, at 21:46:13
In reply to Re: Dreamweaver get me through.. » Karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on January 9, 2004, at 21:22:25
Oh, I understand. I won't force anything at all! I just think that this means I'm finally ready to start feeling the things I should. I was watching CMT Crossroads with Dave Matthews and Emmy Lou Harris and they played Long Black Veil and I've heard this song numerous (easily 100) times, but this time I really listened and I swear I thought I was going to cry. The song just touched me! I've always thought it was great, but this time was different. I actually felt the song. Maybe I'm just dumb, I kinda feel that way. (NOT REALLY) But, I felt a song! Like FELT it!!! I HAVE FEELINGS!!! I'M HUMAN!! YES!!! I'm happy now!
And I keep telling my boyfriend how much I love him, which is odd for me. I just appreciate him today. I don't know, I just feel different. But in a good way.
Don't worry, I won't rush anything. I'm in no hurry!
I'm sorry that your dreams aren't so good. But maybe you could use them to learn. That's what I'm doing. Are you talking about them with your therapist?
Are you doing ok hun? I'm sorry I've been so self-involved lately. I'm coming out of it. Lay it on me, how are you? If you need to talk, I'm here to listen. Promise.Here's to dreams about kittens, puppies and oatmeal cookies!
Posted by DaisyM on January 9, 2004, at 23:36:55
In reply to Re: Dreamweaver get me through.. » DaisyM, posted by Karen_kay on January 9, 2004, at 21:46:13
You are not being self-absorbed...you have been struggling and that is ok. Thanks for the offer to listen...I wish I knew what to say or ask to feel better. I think I am in just in a really hard place -- plus my birthday is coming up next week which is a reflective time for me. I've told you my Therapist is offering (actually nicely insisting) on extra sessions the next few weeks. I think all of this is hard on him, some times I worry it is too much for him.
I asked him if he thought this was the worst it would get -- I mean once you start to unravel stuff eventually you have to be done with it, right? -- Unfortunately he told me his crystal ball is in the shop with his magic wand. :(
I was surprised at how hard today was (no sessions, no phone calls, just an ordinary day) and I wish I knew why. It makes no sense that one day is harder than another without a specific reason. Of course, I think most of this makes no sense.
I'm glad you are feeling so much better. It is a great way to start the semester. BTW, I love CMT!
My new favorte song: "me and my husband, we need a wife!"
Posted by Karen_kay on January 9, 2004, at 23:52:55
In reply to Re: Dreamweaver get me through.. » Karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on January 9, 2004, at 23:36:55
I hope your birthday is enjoyable for you. That is a good time to reflect on things, but don't push yourself too hard, hun. I know that sometimes you let things unconsciously enter your mind during those times, at least I know I do, but try to relax and celebrate the day of your birth. It is a time to rejoice and be happy, not a time to drag yourself down. Just try to celebrate and be happy for the things you've accomplished and the fact that you are holding your own! And holding it well, I might add!
And don't worry that this is hard on him. He is TRAINED at this type of thing. He's been working at this for years and years. Yes, he's sympathetic to your pain, but at the same time, he knows how to not let it affect him. The extra appointments aren't hurting him. You are not a burden. If he couldn't fit you in, he wouldn't offer you the time slot. Take it, it's got your name on it! Please, he's offering you the help! He's reaching out his hand, now take it..... Funny story, my last therapist on our last session I asked for an honest evaluation and this is what he said:
"You are in a river drowning and people are throwing you rope after rope, but you are too busy asking questions. 'Should I take the rope? 'What if it breaks?' 'What if he's not strong enough to reel me in?'" He finally said, "Just take the rope and quit asking so many quesions."Your therapist is insisting that you "take his hand" and get the support that he can offer you. He can handle it. Please, do it for you, do it for your family if that makes you feel better. Do it for you therapist. Just do it hun. And don't feel guilty for taking someone up on an offer that they give.
I hope tomorrow you wake up with a clear head and the sun shining down on you. It does, you just don't realize it all the time. I hope you realize it tomorrow!
Waving my magic therapy wand, (I'll send it to you!)
Karen
Posted by DaisyM on January 10, 2004, at 20:23:22
In reply to Happy happy birthday baby! » DaisyM, posted by Karen_kay on January 9, 2004, at 23:52:55
<<<And don't feel guilty for taking someone up on an offer that they give.
I hope tomorrow you wake up with a clear head and the sun shining down on you. It does, you just don't realize it all the time.>>>Well, we were totally fogged in this morning, so that didn't work! :)
I'm trying not to feel guilty. I just feel like I'm making a bigger deal out of all of this than I need to. I'm so much better at helping everyone else. I tell myself to get over the past, accept the icky stuff here in the present as "not fixable" and move on. It is easier said than done, as you know.
I keep reading all the CBT stuff about controlling your thoughts, which will control your negative feelings,which should control the hurt. I can't seem to make it work for me -- I guess I'm not doing it right. Why should something that happened so long ago be so painful? And why can't I, whose life work is to offer support and guidance to sick kids and their families, find away to be more ok with the illness present in my house.
I hate the fact that I feel more OK one day and then I fall apart all over again. I keep looking for my coping reserves but they seem to have disappeared.
Sorry this is so negative...feeling sorry for myself right now. I should be happy actually (I'll post about that later) but actually feel overwhelmed instead.
I want all chocolate for my birthday - cake, icing, ice-cream and toppings. And only 1 candle, 'cause I'm starting over!
Posted by fallsfall on January 10, 2004, at 23:01:43
In reply to Re: Happy happy birthday baby! » Karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on January 10, 2004, at 20:23:22
Mmmmm. Can I come to your party? I like the menu.
CBT didn't do it for me, either. It gave me good coping skills, but didn't FIX anything. It seems to me like CBT was telling me to lie to myself. I know it works really well for some people.
Illness in your own house is very different from illness in other people's houses. With other people you can be detached. You can't in your own house. Don't be hard on yourself because it is hard to cope. It *IS* hard to cope. Be proud of all the coping that you can manage.
Just keep doing what you can and keep posting here - we need you.
Posted by Karen_kay on January 11, 2004, at 18:12:12
In reply to Re: Happy happy birthday baby! » Karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on January 10, 2004, at 20:23:22
It's ok not to pretend to be happy when you aren't. You don't have to pretend to be anything to me.... I like you for being Daisy hun!
And I've posted my share of negative ones here. So don't feel bad about not being chipper when you aren't feeling it, ok?I know what you mean about thinking that you are making a bigger deal out of everything than it is. I've told myself that so many times. Thoughts in my own head, "You're just making a big deal out of nothing. So what if things happened. Well girl s*** happens, you just have to deal with it and move on." The problem being that I HAVEN'T dealt with it and I HAVEN'T moved on. If I had then I wouldn't still be affected by it today. And I think the same is true with you. The thing is that crummy stuff does happen, and it happens every day. It's sad, very sad. But you have to deal with it. You aren't going to be able to heal if you don't. You aren't making a big deal out of nothing. If you were then you wouldn't be feeling the way you are. There's a problem there and you really do need to resolve it. And the only way you can do that is through therapy hun. I know it's hard, I wish it wasn't. But it is. Just think of how hard it is and the joy you'll feel once you heal will be twice (if not more) as pleasurable!
From what I've gotten out of CBT, it's already become automatic. My thoughts have automatically changed. I really don't understand it, and don't care to. If I try to unlock the mystery, maybe it won't work. But, I don't look in the mirror and hate the person I see anymore. Maybe it has to do with finding out why I had so much anxiety and opening the can of worms I did? I'm not sure. But, if you repeat thoughts long enough, you begin to believe them. If you think about it, it's true. I read a book one (not sure what though) but a therapist suggested (and even did it himself) that his clients carry around a piece of paper with just two or three phrases written that would pick them up if needed during the day. "I'm intelligent. I'm cute. I smell good." Change it to suit your needs, also things that you are working on. Also a big thing aobut CBT is challenging your thoughts. It isn't about changing your thoughts completely. I know I'm not a great cook and I wouldn't expect him to be able to make me believe otherwise. However, if I am feeling extremely stupid, though I know I'm not usually he's there to challenge that thought. (Or the thought that every thing is your fault, ect.....) But, it isn't something that I actively work on. Not at all! It just happened. Maybe because I'm on a mood stabilizer that works?
I too can be fine one day and then the next be falling apart! I don't understand it one bit! Or even from minute to minute, honestly. Maybe it's hormones, but probably there's a trigger that gets you thinking about things. If that's the case is there a distraction you find handy? Reading sometimes works for me. I know that last night for example, I started hallucinating and it really frightened me. I'm not quite ready to start losing my mind. I'm too darn young to have so many dx and such. Most people my age only worry about which bar to drink at and the final exam that could make or break their grade. Life doesn't seem fair at times. But, I'm trying to keep positive. It could be worse, it was only an auditory hallucination. At least it wasn't visual.... But, I'm a bit skeptical of telling my therapist, as he'll want me to go back on antipsychotics and I know it's only due to stress. I'm not manic or depressed right now. The timing just isn't fair, as I start classes Monday.
I hope you have all chocolate for your birthday! Even your house is made of chocolate! And chocolate soup to eat as well! And one candle should be a breeze to blow out, so your wish WILL come true!
My thoughts are with you hun!
Posted by DaisyM on January 11, 2004, at 23:18:01
In reply to Re: Happy happy birthday baby! » DaisyM, posted by fallsfall on January 10, 2004, at 23:01:43
You are totally welcome to come because I'll probably be by myself anyway...kids have sports and husband has to work late. Which is really Ok, I'll have choc/wine to myself!
Glad to hear CBT isn't the only answer. I hate being a bad student. :)
Nice to be needed too, BTW. I decided Psy/social Babs wasn't for me, I can't keep up with the moods. I like it over hear.
Posted by DaisyM on January 11, 2004, at 23:21:42
In reply to Re: Happy happy birthday baby! » DaisyM, posted by Karen_kay on January 11, 2004, at 18:12:12
Karen, you are really great about giving - I look forward to your posts!
I agree, you've had way to much for such a young person. But you are meeting it head on and that takes strength and tenacity. I'm so impressed by that.
I appreciate you allowing me to sulk, it helps to write it out sometimes.
Wish tomorrow was Sunday again. Good luck with your classes. Ignore the voices in your head, sing your own song!
Posted by Karen_kay on January 11, 2004, at 23:49:25
In reply to Re: Happy happy birthday baby! » Karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on January 11, 2004, at 23:21:42
Oh, I agree that CBT isn't always the only way! He incorporate different aspects as well. As CBT is mainly short term (as I've read), or at least has a goal termination date, we don't have any time frame in mind. And we aren't constantly working on "fixing" negative thoughts. Mainly we are working on my dreams right now and talking about them. Is that CBT? I wouldn't think so, but that's all we've been doing for the last few weeks.
And I agree that CBT isn't particulary helpful for all people. But it has helped me quite a bit. Maybe it is because I've gotten to the root of my problem and also corrected or challenged some of my negative htought patterns unconsciously. But, it really hasn't been to my knowledge or own doing, I promise you that! I'm very stubborn and wouldn't sit around thinking myself out of depression. Or even thinking that I could think myself out of it. (Does that make sense?)
And the voices were native american chants. I tried ear plugs (LMAO! Like that would work!) I was more frustrated than anything. If this had happened 3 weeks ago, I would be fine with it. It's just that the timing is wrong. Hoping it doesn't happen again tonight :) Thinking positive. Did I learn that from CBT? Strange, but last night I was calm. I jsut kept telling myself, "This isn't real. Just go to sleep." And I did. Maybe CBT works. I didn't have a panic attack, as I was prone to do in the past. Maybe CBT works? Maybe it's the drugs I take? I don't know, I don't care. As long as I don't freak out, I'm fine with it!
I'm hoping you have a better day hun! You're a Capricorn. You'll persevere and keep on going. Just don't get lost in the process. And don't think that your needs don't matter especially when you hold everyone else's needs so very high!
Posted by fallsfall on January 12, 2004, at 7:58:01
In reply to Re: Happy happy birthday baby!, posted by Karen_kay on January 11, 2004, at 23:49:25
Karen,
For a while now I have often heard a radio playing at the other end of the house, or downstairs. It is faint, but definately there. I've gone looking, but there is no radio. I can sing along with the songs, and the songs change. Over time, whether I hear the radio comes and goes - I'm not hearing it these days, but I did for months at a time earlier.
I choose not to call it a hallucination... There were a couple of threads on Psycho-Babble about hearing radios/music. I think it is not as uncommon as you think. If it is really a problem, don't tell me - because I'm happy thinking it is just weird...
Hey, we get free music. What more can you ask?
Posted by Karen_kay on January 12, 2004, at 13:01:06
In reply to Re: Happy happy birthday baby! » Karen_kay, posted by fallsfall on January 12, 2004, at 7:58:01
I like your concept. However, mine was quite different I'm afraid :( Mine started out as Native American chants of sorts (I guess?? I'm not too familiar with the subject, but that would be my guess.), then over that I heard a high-pitch radio signal. And I've had auditory hallucinations many times in the past, especially during times of extreme stress. But, now I'm better able to cope with it. So, I think I'm going to tell my therapist about it. If he tries to persuade me to tell my Pdoc, or if he tells my Pdoc, I'm going to tell him to kiss my butt! They can't make me take meds that I don't want to take and since I wasn't afraid or didn't have a panic attack, or lose touch with reality, I don't see the need to take additional meds. I'm attending university on partial scholarship [can't tell that from all my typos, eh? :)] and I'm very hesitant to take any meds that may compromise my ability to stay fully alert. Also, I was in a situation before where I was over-medicated and actually had to get a note from my therapist for a professor because I missed too many classes, due to the fact that I was frightened to leave my house. I just don't want to take the chance of ruining the great mood that I'm feeling. If by chance I get to the point where I can't cope (heaven forbid), then I will take an antipsychotic. But, I'll chose that path when I cross it. I'll wait until then to see...
Posted by Dinah on January 12, 2004, at 18:33:45
In reply to Re: Happy happy birthday baby! » fallsfall, posted by Karen_kay on January 12, 2004, at 13:01:06
Is it when you're falling asleep? My therapist says that you shouldn't pay too much attention to what happens when you're falling asleep. I sometimes hear chatter, like at a restaurant where you can tell someone is talking but can't make out any words. I think it's my brain's way of discharging excess energy before falling asleep. Either that, or I do have narcolepsy.
Posted by Karen_kay on January 12, 2004, at 19:44:27
In reply to Re: Happy happy birthday baby! » Karen_kay, posted by Dinah on January 12, 2004, at 18:33:45
Well, it's while I'm laying down to go to sleep but I'm not tired. More like I'm forcing myself to go to sleep. Usually it takes me at least an hour to get to sleep anyway. Does that make a difference? I used to hear knocking on my door quite often as well.
This is the end of the thread.
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