Posted by kara lynne on June 17, 2003, at 20:57:47
In reply to Re: I'm scared, please help, posted by Giget on June 17, 2003, at 7:16:25
Giget,
Thank you for your supportive messages. I don't know if I will ever get over hearing him say those things about me. It's running in my head day and night, over and over. Down to the most intimate details he revealed to this stranger--I was crushed that he could stoop so low.You're right. I could launch quite a character assasanation against him, and it is very tempting. I'm a little afraid that the temptation will get the best of me and I'll find myself back in a losing battle with him. It's so hard to get that it really is an inside job. His view of me is so twisted, his perception so skewed that there really is nothing I could say or do that would ever change that. I am trying to understand that this does not really have anything to do with me, but it is so hard when he picks at all the areas I have the most fear and judgement about myself. And there is something about just taking that---walking away and knowing that that is how someone thinks of you, in the most ugly way imaginable--someone who has been telling you he loves you for the past five years. Telling you that you are the love of his life, ever since college when we first met over 20 years ago.
But the truth has been festering for a long time, and I have avoided it. I don't know if it's because I'm truly weak, or I truly believed somewhere that love would prevail. The most important thing for me now is to make sure not to let those thoughts seduce me again and keep me from making this move.
Thank you again for all your support--I have never needed it so much.
poster:kara lynne
thread:234326
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030617/msgs/234650.html