Posted by wendy b. on June 16, 2003, at 21:16:45
In reply to I'm scared, please help, posted by kara lynne on June 16, 2003, at 11:53:30
Kara,
Pardon me for butting in, but I have read your posts, and have been feeling bad for you for weeks, so I feel I may have some words to help you feel better - at least I hope so...
For people like your BF, just substitute pronouns: everytime he said "you," he really meant "me," etcetera.
I know it's kind of a platitude, but it seems these people have so little self-regard or self-worth that they lash out at the person who was supposed to "be" and "do" everything for them (because they have so little to give back). So as Greg says: his remarks speak volumes about himself, but have very little -- or even nothing -- to do with you. (I know, it seems like they do, after all, he's talking to you! but they don't!) The REAL you, the Kara Lynne who is supportive and kind to many people here, and I'm sure to others in your life.
I used to do this myself (lash out), before meds and therapy. I work hard not to any more... The Blame Game always makes the other person the bad guy ("You have made me feel this way!"), rather than each person accepting responsibility for the way they themselves feel, and making the effort to do something about it if the way that one feels isn't good. Far easier to see the things the other person does wrong than what we ourselves are doing. And he is just blaming you for his own feelings of inadequacy... nothing more, nothing less. Don't buy into it...
Cooked for him more?? C'mon, this is just a raft of bulls___. (Pardon my blankety-blanks!)
You are not, nor will you ever be, hateful and hideous, and you will find love and you will get all the good things you deserve - what he says about all that is just projection (and hateful in ITSELF). So, thank god, he has exposed his true nature, and there are no more illusions you could ever have about this guy. You are too good for him, and he will never know it, but it's not your problem any more. And in case you don't remember how horrible you were feeling being with him, just go back and read some of your posts of the last few weeks - it seems very clear...
Still, I'm so sorry. It never feels good to have this kind of thing happen, and a relationship lost is something you have to grieve, and it takes time to feel better. Just listen to the wise sages here on PSB, and you will be all right, and remember that studying for your boards is top priority. Letting him win this (i.e., if you end up internalizing the crap he's thrown at you) would be a huge injustice. I wish you the best of everything, and hang on, ok?
Wendy
poster:wendy b.
thread:234326
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030604/msgs/234444.html