Posted by Shar on April 13, 2002, at 12:00:54
In reply to Re: How do you talk to a lover about her state?, posted by Willow on April 13, 2002, at 6:59:29
There may be very little that you can do, other than accept what IS and understand that it is quite unlikely you will change your partner.
In my opinion, your actions are effectively limited to stating your feelings about what is going on, and then making choices. Stating your feelings would be what YOU WANT in this relationship (much more effective--and harder--to say what you want vs. what you don't want).
If you realize that your role in the relationship is really a set up for failure (such as trying to make someone happy, which none of us can do), you may want to determine how you want to be vis-a-vis your partner. That is, how about some boundaries? What are your limits? To what extent do you want to keep the current interactions going?
You can be a good friend and partner, and still have your own boundaries. If the love relationship is not going to work, you don't have to stop being friends, close friends, or even living together. This relationship can be whatever the two of you want to make it. If your goals and desires are too disparate to come together as a "love relationship" there are many other options.
Hmmm, I may be rambling again.....BTW Al-anon would be a good thing to try out because it is about setting boundaries, very good stuff to know about.
good luck,
Shar
poster:Shar
thread:22001
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020411/msgs/22017.html