Posted by Mitchell on April 13, 2002, at 10:51:56
In reply to How do you talk to a lover about her state?, posted by Lacey on April 13, 2002, at 3:40:56
Lacey,
This is entirely my perspective, and I don't mean to claim it defines your situation, but since you asked...
Your friend has every right to direct her own health care. If her values differ from yours, that does not mean she is wrong, or is refusing care that would definately help her. I can think of any number of good reasons a person would refuse to be labeled and refuse to gamble on a potentially endless chase for medications that often cause discomfort that exceeds that which they ostensibly relieve.
If a lover or confidant began to pressure me to accept their prefered medical doctrine, I might study the medical option they espouse, but I would also consider whether the person was perhaps seeking reinforcement for their own values rather than expressing affection for me as a unique individual.
My studied experience with relationships is that we often choose people who represent what we disallow in ourselves and, after the testosterone- and noradrenaline-mediated excitement of the new affair wears off (several months to a couple of years), begin to notice and to repress in them the exact trait that we found so attractive in them in the first place.
From my own experience, my variable moods can be observed in terms of a biochemical footprint - perhaps a greater number of HT5 receptors and maybe more dopamine receptors, along with a chronic difficulty in maintaining the blood levels of the chemicals needed to service those receptor laden synapses. But if I am one of those who ended up with two short genes in the segment that determines dopamine receptor density (as compared to s/l and l/l folks) that is who I am and I expect my community to accomodate me, not to modify me. If I find comfort in an herb that acts as a ligand to cannabinoid receptors, I consider anyone who attempts to officially interfere with my self-medication to be a criminal - guilty of kidnapping, false imprisonment and other crimes related to offenses against my person and against my property. The same goes for ethyl alcohol and opiates. If my behavior is intolerable under the influence of these medicines, my community has the right to control my behavior. But I do not recognize my communities right to assume these medicines are unacceptable and ineffecacious for me. My answer to people who do not like my choice of medicines is that they are free to distance themselves from me. From a distance, if they cannot enjoy the company, insight and other benefits of my unique personality, that is there choice.
My answer to a lover in your position, if I were the subject in question, would be that if you don't like the way I am, find another lover. If any blame is to be assigned, I would ask my lover to blame themself for not accepting me and I would not embrace an assertion that I am unacceptable.
poster:Mitchell
thread:22001
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020411/msgs/22012.html