Posted by baseball55 on April 29, 2014, at 19:44:58
In reply to Re: update, posted by alexandra_k on April 28, 2014, at 20:44:11
> it was stuff about how maybe you will grieve a bit once you settle into your new place and you can mentally collapse... but then... maybe you won't. maybe... your getting stuck swiftly into the logistics of moving out upon hearing the news wasn't just your way of coping with the situation... maybe it was that that was what you actually wanted. so it wasn't a coping thing so much as a... you living your life thing. maybe you will let out a deep sigh of relief in your candle lit bubble bath (if you are into such things and you are getting a bath)... that you don't have to... keep living a facade... or something...
>
I do worry about the meltdown once I leave. I know it's going to be hard to come home and not have him come home an hour or two later. To be alone all evening. I go to AA, so I'm planning on finding new meetings to go to at night, rather than staying home and having dinner with him. But I think I'm going to be okay. I didn't think that a few weeks ago. It's time to move on.I get sad and kind of lowdown when I think about expectations I had - that we would grow old together, take care of one another. I am in my late 50s and he is 60. I never imagined that he would have this belated mid-life crisis BS and just abandon our 36 year relationship. But he did. And I have to keep that in mind. He did. I need to take care of myself and preserve my self-respect. It will be hard. But staying would be hard and not good for my mental health.
I told my p-doc a few weeks ago that I decided to leave (he had met with us both, doing kind of couples counseling and been very shocked by my husband's attitude). When I told him this, he said he was glad. That if I hadn't made this decision, he would have worried that I was "characteralogically ill" - meaning, I guess, that I was so afraid of being abandoned and alone that I would put up with an intolerable situation. That I was too weak in character to take care of myself.
poster:baseball55
thread:1064864
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140312/msgs/1064950.html