Posted by TexasChic on April 9, 2006, at 16:54:00
In reply to Re wow what a horrid day » TexasChic, posted by milly on April 9, 2006, at 6:40:27
Thank you, everyone's messages have helped me alot. When you're just dealing with something in your head, and it seems like everyone is against you, its easy to start questioning yourself. Just the agreement that this whole things sucks and I don't deserve it meant alot to me.
Yesterday when I was with my sister and brother, I told them about all this. I usually don't tell them much about my problems because they both are usually so into their own. But they were very shocked at what I was dealing with. My brother said he suddenly found his work problems pretty tame in comparison.
The day was fun yesterday, but as usual I payed for everyone's lunch and movie ticket, because as usual no one had any money. My brother did at least thank me. He's really not all that bad, he's just very focused on himself right now. I try to help him but sometimes I feel like I'm being sucked into a vaccuum when I talk to him. I guess his problems trigger my problems or something. I know he feels I've deserted him since I've tried to distance myself a bit.
My sister is my sister. No "Thank you", and she questioned why I got her a small drink at lunch and myself a medium (mine went with a combo meal so it had to be medium). I was like, sorry, its all I could afford (since I was buying for EVERYONE!). I actually almost gave her the medium drink (before she even asked) just because its automatic for me to put other people first. But then I was like, I'm paying for this, I should get the medium drink! It really is hard to learn to put yourself first.
I just wanted my nephew to have a good birthday. And I wanted the rest of them to enjoy themselves too since it seems like they all rarely do. So I guess I shouldn't complain about something I did willingly. It was good to do something together since we haven't in so long.
My life sure is weird right now. If it weren't such familiar ground I wouldn't feel quite so bad about it. It seems I keep repeating the same cycles over and over again. I really need to start therapy again. I get mad at my brother for not taking my advice and going, and here I am not going either. I'm obviously setting myself up for some of these things - like the bullying. I'm not saying I deserve it or anything, but to have it happen over and over has got to mean something. It may be just revealing low self esteem, or the fact that I'm sensitive, which gives certain people an in. I'm proud that I've always taken up for myself in these situations, but if I can avoid them all together I'd be happier. I'll make it a goal to set up an appointment before the week is out, preferably tommorow.
-T
poster:TexasChic
thread:628845
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060406/msgs/631047.html