Posted by smokeymadison on February 15, 2005, at 0:23:01
ok,
so i went out my my boyfriend Sunday night to a bar for a few drinks to celebrate. up walks this girl who i have had a crush on since August. we went out to dinner in August, but it didn't go very well. she was exhausted and in a bad mood. i called her on some b*llsh*t she said and she broke down crying. so we parted ways and i hadn't seen her since.
but Sunday night she was very friendly. i asked if it would be all right if i called her and she asked me what has happening in the relationship w/ my boyfriend, implying that i need to choose.
i step-sided the question and said that i was just looking for friendship at the moment.
the truth is, while i love my boyfriend of a year and a half, there is a lot missing in our relationship. it is hard to put into words, but i mainly love him becuase i have grown used to him being there, not really love at all. he is such a part of my life, but i don't feel the same way about him that he does about me. i have tried like h*ll, but cannot.
would i be happier in a lesbian relationship--i don't know. i have never had one. i just want a better connection, a better meeting of the minds and souls in a life-long partner. i cannot find that with my boyfriend.
i cried all Sunday night and Monday morning thinking that i might have to break up with my boyfriend. i took 3 mg of Klonopin and that stopped the crying at least. i love him dearly, but like i said, i am not truely happy in this relationship. i could make it work, but do i really want to live like this?
poster:smokeymadison
thread:457981
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050205/msgs/457981.html