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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Angela2 on March 29, 2014, at 19:20:26
I keep going back to a friendship that I am not comfortable with. I guess it's just really hard to be alone. But I have to. This guy likes me and I'm sending mixed messages. Mainly because I go to him when i'm stressed, or lonely. I feel like this is wrong. My emotions get confusing. I don't know what else to say. He's there for me. But I get all these red flags. The biggest one is that he lies. a lot. about everything. Or hides things so I think one thing, but then later I find out it was another way. I don't know what else to say. Yes. I give mixed messages. I feel like a criminal in that way. I'm not doing it on purpose. Sometimes I justthe pain inside of me getsit hurts so bad, and talking to him helps.
Posted by Partlycloudy on March 29, 2014, at 19:40:24
In reply to This is hard, posted by Angela2 on March 29, 2014, at 19:20:26
Do you feel you are able to call him out on his lies, or is that part of the "game"?
When you get really serious about honesty, life becomes simpler. You don't have to give a different answer to different people. Honesty, even if it hurts, puts the truth out there. And then it is no longer YOUR decision,
PC who knows no more than a hole in the ground.
Posted by Angela2 on March 29, 2014, at 19:57:37
In reply to Re: This is hard » Angela2, posted by Partlycloudy on March 29, 2014, at 19:40:24
Thanks, PC, honestly, I think you know a thing or two, you're not fooling me, lol. Maybe I just need moral support. i don't really feel like I get it in my real life. I was quite close with this guy. I'll call him "C." We have known each other for 8 months, he was there for me when I quit my job, and for all that crappy stuff happened with that jerk guy who I quit my job over, who I will refer to as "jerk guy" lol. The weird thing.is he didn't even know the pain I was going through. We just had fun, flirting online, and he was interested in me. When I finally DID tell him the truth, it seemed like.things started to change.
I sometimes feel weird calling him out on lies, because it ruins the conversation. But one time I did. And he got defensive. and wouldn't admit it. He HAS admitted to me before that he lies all the time. But only when it seems, he can't hold it in anymore, or he's really struggling. I basically am wondering if he really has cancer, and I feel like that's not good (he told me he was diagnosed with cancer). I mean, if I can't trust him about that.
He has told me other things about himself that scare me. And I feel like it's not the whole truth either.
and then I look at the other thingsthe good things about him. and I will miss him.
Thanks for your response PC.
Posted by Partlycloudy on March 29, 2014, at 20:19:30
In reply to Re: This is hard, posted by Angela2 on March 29, 2014, at 19:57:37
So it is all mixed up. That sounds a lot like life, eh? Sometimes, it is our filters. What is the truth, what is the BS. Those take a long time to develop. Like, I have a great BS filter for my husband. I can tell when he is playing for my emotions - mostly because he doesn't betray a lot of emotions normally.
It will get figured out one way or another. It is so difficult to maintain a lying presence, especially if you have different stories for different people. It is easy to get caught out. (I saw this with my addicted step daughter. I kept telling her, "tell everyone the same lie, that way you don't have to keep track of them." But it didn't work out for her that way. Sad. )You know I am here for you. xoxo
Posted by baseball55 on March 29, 2014, at 20:55:22
In reply to Re: This is hard, posted by Angela2 on March 29, 2014, at 19:57:37
Whoa. 8 months. If this were a long, on-going relationship. anybody might say, get counseling, try to talk. But 8 months and you question whether he even really has cancer? Not good. 8 months is just beginning and, at the beginning, you don't trust him.
So trust your gut. Move on. This seems like bad news.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 29, 2014, at 23:07:39
In reply to Re: This is hard » Angela2, posted by baseball55 on March 29, 2014, at 20:55:22
sometimes... one can only accept people's limitations. i mean, sometimes there simply isn't anything else to be done. i've had friends who were chronically unreliable. one of them promised to drive me to the airport for an international flight and she forgot... i nearly missed my flight because of that... i nearly cut her out of my life because of that... but then i figured out that i could still have fun with her... i'd just never put myself into the position of relying on her for anything like that again because she wasn't trustworthy.
similarly another friend... who would promise to meet me... or to stop by... and would never show. i nearly cut her, too. in the end i said to her 'call me to let me know when you are literally on your way and five minutes away otherwise we don't make plans to meet'. that worked out well... i was never disappointed by her again.
if you know he has a tendency to lie... then you reserve the right to be skeptical about everything he says... he might be lying because he wants... comisseration... empathy... something. i guess you can provide him with a little care even without believing the literal content of what he is saying... i guess i'd hold a person like that a bit at arms length... because i value trusworthiness... but i don't really see what is wrong with relying on him for emotional support if he's good with that...
maybe it is just about accepting his limitations... and accepting that given what you value... you might not be prepared to let him get quite as close to you as you thought... does this make sense?
Posted by Phillipa on March 30, 2014, at 9:32:40
In reply to Re: This is hard, posted by Angela2 on March 29, 2014, at 19:57:37
Angela you say online flirting and being there for you. Do you know this person in real life or is it online only? To not tell the truth about something like cancer is not a joke. In person you would be most likely be able to tell quickly a lot about this guy. Online friendships many times are not for real. Although they seem like it. Phillipa
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