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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kalyb on June 7, 2003, at 13:06:00
Me again.....
Yes I am going to mention this to my pdoc when I see him in 10 days time, and yes this is starting to bother me, just a little.
I woke up unusually early this morning (for me, anyway), and have felt fit as a flea all day. Better than normal. (You know the kind of thing).
So why, about an hour ago, was I crying again over my ex bf? I do miss him, that's for sure, but it's been 6 weeks since the breakup and last weekend, Friday and Saturday, I felt really sad and weepy as well, following a few days of feeling great. I feel so silly for this! I know it's okay to feel sad, but why so suddenly, and why Saturdays? He has been on my mind a lot lately, almost constantly, but I can normally keep that in check... apart from the rare wave of sadness like today's.
I even got some photos out and thought: Wow, he's not a handsome chap at all, is he... (naughty Kalyb!) but that didn't make me feel any happier.
Am I experiencing a type of BP cycling? If so, then I'm not getting major highs, and I've certainly had much worse lows.... but should I be getting *any* lows on Effexor (or any AD)? or is it the meds just settling down? Today's little weep was not as profound as last week's...
*puzzled*
Kalyb xx
Posted by Snoozy on June 7, 2003, at 13:30:07
In reply to Why Saturdays?, posted by kalyb on June 7, 2003, at 13:06:00
Hi -
> and have felt fit as a flea all day.You must be speaking English here! I've never heard that one before :)
I don't know anything about BP cycling, so this may be totally useless to you. But... 6 weeks isn't really that long, and I don't know how long this relationship lasted. I know I sometimes got sad 2 or 3 months after a breakup.
What I really relate to though, is feeling sad and crying on Saturday (Sundays too). I think it's because there's not as much of a routine on the weekend. I'm not having to hurry to get things done, keeping my mind preoccupied. And it just seems that there's less going on - not as much people traffic and things seem very quiet. Of course, as I was writing that, loud music started playing outside!! Summer festival season, the truly detestable summer festival. <sigh>
I don't know if any of that fits for you, but I can remember having problems on the weekend going all the way back to when I was a pre-teen.
> So why, about an hour ago, was I crying again over my ex bf? I do miss him, that's for sure, but it's been 6 weeks since the breakup and last weekend, Friday and Saturday, I felt really sad and weepy as well, following a few days of feeling great. I feel so silly for this! I know it's okay to feel sad, but why so suddenly, and why Saturdays? He has been on my mind a lot lately, almost constantly, but I can normally keep that in check... apart from the rare wave of sadness like today's.
>
> I even got some photos out and thought: Wow, he's not a handsome chap at all, is he... (naughty Kalyb!) but that didn't make me feel any happier.
>
> Am I experiencing a type of BP cycling? If so, then I'm not getting major highs, and I've certainly had much worse lows.... but should I be getting *any* lows on Effexor (or any AD)? or is it the meds just settling down? Today's little weep was not as profound as last week's...
>
> *puzzled*
>
> Kalyb xx
Posted by kalyb on June 7, 2003, at 13:47:43
In reply to Re: Why Saturdays? » kalyb, posted by Snoozy on June 7, 2003, at 13:30:07
Hi Snoozy and thanks....
> > and have felt fit as a flea all day.
> You must be speaking English here! I've never heard that one before :)Indeed I am... sorry... I don't know what the American for that is! But it means feeling fit, bouncy and energetic. Hoppy and happy, maybe!
> I don't know anything about BP cycling, so this may be totally useless to you. But... 6 weeks isn't really that long, and I don't know how long this relationship lasted. I know I sometimes got sad 2 or 3 months after a breakup.
I was with him for 3 months.... which isn't long, is it? Though he did mean a lot to me, I don't have many friends locally, and rarely go out, and with him I did so much.... every weekend in fact!
> What I really relate to though, is feeling sad and crying on Saturday (Sundays too). I think it's because there's not as much of a routine on the weekend. I'm not having to hurry to get things done, keeping my mind preoccupied.
Yes i can relate to that too... although because I'm not working, one day's much like another. Except of course, my weekends aren't spent with *him* any more.
And my landlady and her partner are both around today. She's usually here, he's usually at work. Hmmm. They were both home last weekend, Friday and Saturday, and I felt weepy on both those days.
Because I've only recently embarked on meds and treatment, I guess I am too alert looking for signs and signals of various disorders. Reading too much Babble! Wondering if I might be BP (actually, I could well be, pretty sure my father is un dx'd BP). And of course, reading that SSRI's can bring on cycling in BP patients.
Of course, Effexor isn't a SSRI strictly speaking.... and.... when I was taking Prothiaden (non-SSRI) for a while some years ago, I remeber getting weeping sessions on Fridays for quite a long time after a relationship breakup. In those days I was working, and I would stand waiting for the train home crying my eyes out because I had nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no-one to do it with, for the weekend.
So yes - thanks for being a help with reminding me it's okay to get sad. But I am puzzled by the suddenness of the mood swing though. It took me by surprise. Literally one minute feeling fine, the next, overwhelmed by sadness. Strange....
:)
Kalyb xx
Posted by noa on June 7, 2003, at 16:46:27
In reply to Re: Why Saturdays? » kalyb, posted by Snoozy on June 7, 2003, at 13:30:07
Me too on the lack of routine thing, and no external demands to respond to. Which, in a way, is an incredible releif, but also leaves me unstructured and rather inert.
Posted by Snoozy on June 7, 2003, at 17:05:35
In reply to Re: Why Saturdays? » Snoozy, posted by kalyb on June 7, 2003, at 13:47:43
Hi again -
Gosh, there are so many British-isms that I love. Of course, I can't think of them all at the moment! Sussed out - I like that one. And I don't know if it's used often, but I have always loved the word kerfuffle, and I've heard it on the BBC a few times.
I was thinking about it some more, and I'm thinking now that the length of the relationship maybe doesn't matter so much in terms of how painful it is. I've known people getting out of 10 year long relationships that are jumping for joy.
And if you always went out on the weekends, it would be surprising if you weren't thinking about it today!
I think there really is something about Saturdays and Sundays. When I was in school, I would still feel lousy on summer weekends. And as an adult, when I haven't been working or had any M-F commitments, I still have a problem with the weekend!
I have a problem with mood swings too, in the sense of being fine one minute and a mess the next. What I've figured is that I'm highly sensitive to what's going on around me, and since it's a struggle to keep a neutral/good mood, tiny little things can send me plunging. It's incredibly annoying! I really need to learn a way to deal with this I think.
Posted by kalyb on June 15, 2003, at 10:55:58
In reply to Re: Why Saturdays? » kalyb, posted by Snoozy on June 7, 2003, at 17:05:35
I decided to take some positive action yesterday to avoid the Saturday Blues I've been getting.
So, I decided to meet an internet friend for a few beers in the nearest city, 15 miles away. I've met him before, we chat almost evry day, and although I know he has a "thing" about me, I am sooo isolated and lonely that - perhaps unfairly - I need to keep him as a friend. I'm not comfortable about doing that, but I really don't have anyone else to go out with at the moment.
The bus journey to the city takes 1-and-a-quarter-hours as the bus meanders through evry little tiny hamlet and village on the way. If I had a car (which I don't) it would take 25 minutes. So I sat on this bus, bored, and what happened... I started crying again.
Thankfully meeting the friend, I felt better and drank too much, but the Effexor means I don't even feel drunk. I know I talked way too much, non-stop almost (=manic??) and today i feel guilty for that but hey, it's my meds doing it.... and sheesh, just spending time out of this blasted place with someone else could probably do that to me without the beer!
And then I caught the last bus home at 10.15, another 1-and-a-quarter-hours of dreary boredom, and again, I cried my eyes out on the way home.
Why do I still miss this ex bf so much, when I need to get better? I'm getting worse. It's not as if I felt I loved him when we were together, but now I do feel I love him. And it occurred to me on the bus that it's 2 months almost to the day since he broke up with me. I thought about sending him an email to ask: Do you ever think of me? because I've had nothing from him at all.
He has a book of mine that I need, he didn't retun it in the box of stuff he brought back after it was over. I am soooo stony broke that I can't really afford to replace this book. It's a book of test questions for the Driving Theory Test, which my driving instructor has been nagging me to get done for yes, two months or more. But the only way I could afford to replace the book would be to miss a driving lesson one week, which I don't want to do. My lessons are one guaranteed hour per week when I get out of this house and do something I enjoy.
I have to go to the city to see my pdoc this Wednesday. I may not be in the right frame of mind, but I am seriously considering showing up at the ex bf's house (he works from home) afterwards, and demanding my book back.
The sun is shining, the weather's glorious, so I have my lovely long elegant summer dresses out of the wardrobe, and I know I look good in them, so I would love to turn up at his house looking gorgeous, even if I end up getting angry at him, or he at me. But the chances are, after my pdoc session, I'll be feeling lost again and mixed up, and I know I probably won't be brave enough to do it....
But at the very least I can tell all this to my pdoc - because this lingering depression should be dissipating by now, meds helping the grief, not keeping it just below the surface ready and waiting to spring into action every Saturday like an emotional iceberg.... *sigh*
Kalyb xx
Posted by fallsfall on June 15, 2003, at 11:56:36
In reply to Antoher saturday survived... just, posted by kalyb on June 15, 2003, at 10:55:58
I'm glad you got out to see your friend. That would have been very hard for me. A change of scenery can be so helpful.
I think you can show up to get the book from your ex, but I would wear grungy jeans and just get the book. Do you have a mutual acquaintance who could pick it up for you? It just seems to me (but what do I know) that you need to move on from this guy. Also, I would rather go before my pdoc appointment because sometimes things are more emotional afterwards. Just my opinions.
Congrats on a GREAT saturday! Keep up the fight.
Posted by kalyb on June 16, 2003, at 15:45:24
In reply to Re: Antoher saturday survived... just » kalyb, posted by fallsfall on June 15, 2003, at 11:56:36
Ooooooooh!
Do you know something, it never occurred to me that I'd done something worthy of congratulation!
Thank you Fallsfall, for reminding me of that :)
We're often so quick to berate ourselves for real or perceived wrongdoings, but do we as often give ourselves credit when it's due? No!
And I do intend to go get that book back before my pdoc appt. But I will be wearing my lovely summer dress and be looking as good as I can get, because that will please ME,and give me extra confidence to do it... :)
How's that for a positive attitude!Blessings to you!
Kalyb xx
-----------> I'm glad you got out to see your friend. That would have been very hard for me. A change of scenery can be so helpful.
>
> I think you can show up to get the book from your ex, but I would wear grungy jeans and just get the book. Do you have a mutual acquaintance who could pick it up for you? It just seems to me (but what do I know) that you need to move on from this guy. Also, I would rather go before my pdoc appointment because sometimes things are more emotional afterwards. Just my opinions.
>
> Congrats on a GREAT saturday! Keep up the fight.
This is the end of the thread.
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