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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Greg A. on June 4, 2003, at 16:26:58
My story huh? I think I’ve posted a lot of bits and pieces in the past, but here goes.
I am middle aged man – 50 – married 25 years with two daughters age 15 and 17. Reasonably secure employment wise and financially. Been depressed on and off for almost 20 years with bouts becoming increasingly severe. Lots of med changes, tried ECT last fall, recently dx’d as Bipolar II and currently on a variety of meds. Seem to be
working at present – thank God! I have trouble with social things as well. Not so much when I am feeling okay but when I am down, I just cannot face it. I seem to want only to talk to depressed people. The rest seems too much like ‘fluff.’ But I suppose depression is a big part of who I am so maybe it’s natural to want to talk about it. Sort of like this board, I guess. That’s it in a nutshell for me.
Sounds like you have a lot going on in your life right now. Not sure I quite understand the boyfriend situation but I probably haven’t read previous posts. You are waiting for the relationship to deteriorate to the break-up point? That in itself, has got to be very stressful.Wishing you well,
Greg A.
Posted by kara lynne on June 4, 2003, at 19:15:49
In reply to Kara Lynne, posted by Greg A. on June 4, 2003, at 16:26:58
Hi Greg,
Nice to hear from you. Boy, you certainly have been through the gamut. Yes, thank God the meds are working for you. What I wouldn't give... I'm one of those Treatment Resistant Depressives, myself. Do you think the ECT treatments were helpful?It's easy to see why you wouldn't understand the situation with my boyfriend. What a mess it is. At this point I'm waiting to get through the month and finish some important things I need to do. After that I have no excuse to stay in the relationship unless I resign myself to lifetime of unhappiness. I'm having trouble believing there will be anything else out there for me though, which keeps me in a bad situation long after the expiration date. Also, as you know, the depression prohibits me from being a good little social butterfly, or even getting out of bed some days. Not likely to find a relationship that way.
I'm hoping you're happy in your marriage--that you're still together is a good sign! My boyfriend forgot to marry me (probably a good thing) even though that was the original plan in moving in together. Then we ran into a couple of problems to say the least. His only real interest is his work, which is sometimes (like this past week) very high profile with a lot of parties, P.R. and shmoozing. This can be quite difficult and almost painful for me, especially when the relationship has such a shaky foundation. On top of that and most seriously, my boyfriend has a substance abuse problem he is not dealing with. This leads to so many other myriad problems, not the least being his complete emotional detachment and his rarely being home. Then he'll say, "You're not interested enough in my work." And I'll say, "I haven't seen you in 5 days." He'll deflect and I'll believe something's wrong with me; works out well.
He was saying and doing all the right things a couple of weeks ago (including a very convincing go at a 12 step program), but he let the ball drop again. I have tried so hard with him, but am forever disappointed (again and again) by his actions. Not to mention pissed off at myself for whatever it is in me that has let it go on so long, while I watch all my dreams turn into nightmares.
Well I've certainly rambled and told you far more than you ever asked for. Thank you for writing and telling me your story. I'd love to hear from you again whenever you feel like it.
Take care,
Kara Lynne
Posted by leeran on June 5, 2003, at 2:37:02
In reply to Kara Lynne, posted by Greg A. on June 4, 2003, at 16:26:58
"You are waiting for the relationship to deteriorate to the break-up point?"
Beautifully expressed. Boy, have I been there and done that. Twice (slow learner but did not run with scissors).
I understand what you mean about not wanting to talk to anyone during the depression mode. There are times - when the phone rings - that I am filled with dread. The last thing I want to do is pick it up and deal. With anyone. Bankamerica's marketing department, a client, even my husband - who I love so dearly.
It's so much easier to spend the day drifting from room to room - the dog in my shadow. Her eyes speak volumes yet she honors our silence. Dogs are good for depression. There's something about the repetitive motion of gently kneading a furry ear that's right up there with a Xanax and a Brandy (I've never taken/imbibed in either, or both, but I think I would probably welcome the warm dullness that such a combination might provide with arms wide open).
Small talk is this depressed person's public enemy #1. How can small talk exist in a world that seems so overwhelmingly bigger-than-life. Amplified emotions and shaky appendages don't mix well with hors d'oeuvres and chit chat (or they don't for me).
I have a fifteen year old son - and had I stayed married the first time it would have been twenty three years this November.
I am always in awe of people who can make it past twenty years! I threw in the Martex at thirteen years and I've lugged the guilt around with me through the last ten years.
Good post, Greg A.
I love the ones that make me think and require that I go back and re-read before I respond.
Posted by leeran on June 5, 2003, at 2:37:03
In reply to Kara Lynne, posted by Greg A. on June 4, 2003, at 16:26:58
"You are waiting for the relationship to deteriorate to the break-up point?"
Beautifully expressed. Boy, have I been there and done that. Twice (slow learner but did not run with scissors).
I understand what you mean about not wanting to talk to anyone during the depression mode. There are times - when the phone rings - that I am filled with dread. The last thing I want to do is pick it up and deal. With anyone. Bankamerica's marketing department, a client, even my husband - who I love so dearly.
It's so much easier to spend the day drifting from room to room - the dog in my shadow. Her eyes speak volumes yet she honors our silence. Dogs are good for depression. There's something about the repetitive motion of gently kneading a furry ear that's right up there with a Xanax and a Brandy (I've never taken/imbibed in either, or both, but I think I would probably welcome the warm dullness that such a combination might provide with arms wide open).
Small talk is this depressed person's public enemy #1. How can small talk exist in a world that seems so overwhelmingly bigger-than-life. Amplified emotions and shaky appendages don't mix well with hors d'oeuvres and chit chat (or they don't for me).
I have a fifteen year old son - and had I stayed married the first time it would have been twenty three years this November.
I am always in awe of people who can make it past twenty years! I threw in the Martex at thirteen years and I've lugged the guilt around with me through the last ten years.
Good post, Greg A.
I love the ones that make me think and require that I go back and re-read before I respond.
Posted by kara lynne on June 5, 2003, at 3:01:29
In reply to Re: Kara Lynne » Greg A., posted by leeran on June 5, 2003, at 2:37:03
Yes. Also what Leeran said.
I am actually scared of the phone, and rarely answer it anymore.
I am finding it increasingly harder to do any small talk--I couldn't face going to any of the required events this past week.
But it still got lonely at home alone.
Posted by leeran on June 5, 2003, at 3:19:57
In reply to Greg A./ Leeran, posted by kara lynne on June 5, 2003, at 3:01:29
Darn it. Somehow I managed to post that twice. Sorry folks. Trigger Adderall finger.
Posted by kara lynne on June 5, 2003, at 14:18:41
In reply to Re: Greg A./ Leeran, posted by leeran on June 5, 2003, at 3:19:57
You're giving me double messages now, Leeran. ; )
This is the end of the thread.
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