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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by alexandra_k on October 7, 2005, at 20:15:26
In reply to Re: going to quit therapy » alexandra_k, posted by rainbowbrite on October 7, 2005, at 19:49:36
> No worries, I didn't feel ignored.
:-)
Good.
Babblemails get sent to a different address (a work one I'm somewhat ashamed to admit) so I get them almost immediately... Not many people have my other email address and so because I don't get too many sent to there I'm a little more lax about collecting them and sometimes only check every couple of days.> I actually thought that my email assisted in your decision lol.
:-)
It helped validate my decision in hindsight.>Let me have my narcisistic moment heehee ;-). It *was* my email...right? When you posted your update I figured you had read it and that was your response, it just made sense to me lol.
Well... It did help validate my decision. Because you are right... When you want to reestablish a connection with someone then you really need to be able to send that invitation out and then remove yourself from it enough so that it won't destroy you if you never even get a response. And it is hard... Because you always will wonder a bit 'did they get that?' 'did they mean to ignore me?' 'don't they even care about me a little?' 'did they ever care about me?' and one can go nuts with all that...
and so...
better not
better not
and i guess i just figured...
that even if she was keen to re-establish contact
that might not work out.
especially given my 'episodes'
and my habit of sending / posting
big whines...
and thats not appropriate
because she isn't my t anymore
and she isn't going to be my t again
and so...
i think i just need to let it go
and appreciate what she did give me
and that she did help me
and that she did care
but that sometimes circumstances...
mean that people move on.
> Ok since you're making it!okay, but you will have to show me how :-)
>I will swim there, but wait maybe you could meet me in, uh Hawaii or even the Cook Islands :-)
uh yeah... i suppose we could try... or maybe Australia??? have you ever been to Melbourne??
> Leave it there all day contraptions!! lmao it can only have been sitting for an hour lol then its gone bad :-)Oh. sorry - my mistake ;-)
Posted by alexandra_k on October 7, 2005, at 20:22:20
In reply to Hip hip hooray our Alex is Okay » alexandra_k, posted by damos on October 7, 2005, at 20:15:13
:-)
> Don't worry about replying to the email or anything else.
Too late :-P
>You're here with us and okay (ish, kind-of, relatively speaking) and that's all that matters.
:-)
Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better.
> Just so very glad to see you okay. And as for Oz, well you just get here and we'll work the rest out okay.Hmm.
We will have to see...
Don't know whether I'll even get in...
(Though I think I'm probably as likely to get into both as I was likely to get into neither places I applied to in the US ;-)but yeah...
we will just have to wait and see...
no point worrying about it when it might not even happen.
like i worried myself sick about the us
and that didn't even turn out to be an option
and i suppose i do have to say in hindsight...
that that was a good thing.no offence peoples (and i really mean that)
but i do think the culture shock would have had me spinning out rather a lot
and it is a looooooooooooooooooong way away
even though i don't really feel like there is anything here for me
i guess i do have some friends...but australia feels like home.
the people are just like kiwis
(though tend to have a funny accent)
but similar
laid back and friendly and not too loud
and not in your face
and i think most things we have over here...
you lot have over there...
but you have loads more besides.and the CIA website says something like
'NZers have a lot of towns that they like to call cities' and they don't consider we have any cities
(LOL!!!)
but i think australia gets to have 2 cities
(LOL!!! Sydney and... Brisbane(?????) I guess)But yeah...
I like it over there :-)
Posted by Damos on October 8, 2005, at 1:57:31
In reply to Thanks Damos » Damos, posted by gardenergirl on October 7, 2005, at 6:58:10
Really hope you're feeling a little better today too.
Take good care of you
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 8, 2005, at 9:37:40
In reply to Re: going to quit therapy » rainbowbrite, posted by alexandra_k on October 7, 2005, at 20:15:26
> :-)
> It helped validate my decision in hindsight.good :-)
> Well... It did help validate my decision. Because you are right... When you want to reestablish a connection with someone then you really need to be able to send that invitation out and then remove yourself from it enough so that it won't destroy you if you never even get a response. And it is hard... Because you always will wonder a bit 'did they get that?' 'did they mean to ignore me?' 'don't they even care about me a little?' 'did they ever care about me?' and one can go nuts with all that...
>absolutely!
> i think i just need to let it go
> and appreciate what she did give me
> and that she did help me
> and that she did care
> but that sometimes circumstances...
> mean that people move on.
>thats a good way of looking at it.
>
> okay, but you will have to show me how :-)
>lol ok but it will have to sit for awhile ;-)
> uh yeah... i suppose we could try... or maybe Australia??? have you ever been to Melbourne??
>Ive never been to Melbourne, always wanted to :-( But Melbourne is further away from me....Hawaii is in the middle lol Hey Ill swim all the way. I kind of like the idea of getting in a good workout lol
Posted by alexandra_k on October 8, 2005, at 17:36:04
In reply to Re: going to quit therapy » alexandra_k, posted by rainbowbrite on October 8, 2005, at 9:37:40
> > okay, but you will have to show me how :-)
> lol ok but it will have to sit for awhile ;-)well thats okay. after such a long swim i'm sure we could think of other things to drink first...
> Ive never been to Melbourne, always wanted to :-( But Melbourne is further away from me....Hawaii is in the middle lol Hey Ill swim all the way. I kind of like the idea of getting in a good workout lolhmm. well i haven't been to hawaii so that could be fun too. i'm just not much of a fan of beaches (i can wear jeans and not suffer too much - right???)
lol. i wonder how long it would actually take to swim.
one might be better off stowing away on a ship...
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 9, 2005, at 8:47:01
In reply to Re: going to quit therapy » rainbowbrite, posted by alexandra_k on October 8, 2005, at 17:36:04
> well thats okay. after such a long swim i'm sure we could think of other things to drink first...
definatly
>
> hmm. well i haven't been to hawaii so that could be fun too. i'm just not much of a fan of beaches (i can wear jeans and not suffer too much - right???)I guess it would depend on the time of year. But I think you'd be fine.
> lol. i wonder how long it would actually take to swim.
>
> one might be better off stowing away on a ship...
>
>well, its about 6499 miles from LA to NZ. So say I start in LA....It would probably take at a nice leisurely pace, so I dont get too tired (@ 1hr per mile) at 5 miles per day..... about 54 days, plus all the nights it would probably take roughly 107 days! Hey thats nothing! lol stowing away might be a better option though, or even flying lol
;-)
Posted by Susan47 on October 9, 2005, at 17:37:51
In reply to going to quit therapy, posted by alexandra_k on October 5, 2005, at 23:38:32
Over the last year or so I've heard you say that so much, that you should quit therapy because you don't think it's helping. And then when you're forced to quit, you seem to be upset about it. I've lost track of who was good and who wasn't. I've lost track of who you've seen. I've lost track of how you were doing. I'm sorry. :(
Posted by alexandra_k on October 9, 2005, at 21:09:38
In reply to Re: going to quit therapy » alexandra_k, posted by Susan47 on October 9, 2005, at 17:37:51
> Over the last year or so I've heard you say that so much, that you should quit therapy because you don't think it's helping.
:-(
Yeah. But then I never do quit really
:-(> And then when you're forced to quit, you seem to be upset about it.
Yeah
:-(> I've lost track of who was good and who wasn't. I've lost track of who you've seen. I've lost track of how you were doing. I'm sorry. :(
I've lost track of you too Susan.
I'm sorry too.Good to talk to you again (((Susan)))
(Now go answer my post over on relationships)
;-)
Posted by Susan47 on October 9, 2005, at 21:27:49
In reply to Re: going to quit therapy » Susan47, posted by alexandra_k on October 9, 2005, at 21:09:38
Oh, okay. :)
Posted by gardenergirl on October 9, 2005, at 23:12:59
In reply to Pleasure GG » gardenergirl, posted by Damos on October 8, 2005, at 1:57:31
Posted by JenStar on October 11, 2005, at 23:59:13
In reply to going to quit therapy, posted by alexandra_k on October 5, 2005, at 23:38:32
hi Alex,
I just got back from trip where I didn't have email/internet access...I'm trying to catch up on everything, but I wanted to say "hi" and that I hope you're doing ok!take care,
JenStar
Posted by alexandra_k on October 12, 2005, at 3:37:28
In reply to I hope you're doing ok! » alexandra_k, posted by JenStar on October 11, 2005, at 23:59:13
:-)
ooh. a trip? where did you go? what did you see? was it fun?
it can be hard to catch up sometimes...
i hate feeling like i'm missing out on something...but it is nice to hear from you and i look foward to seeing your posts :-)
Posted by alexandra_k on October 13, 2005, at 5:31:19
In reply to Re: went a little crazy but i think i'm okay now » JenStar, posted by alexandra_k on October 12, 2005, at 3:37:28
t wants me to take a night class to learn self-hypnosis.
i really don't think... that sounds like a good idea to me.
and...
David Groves style 'movement work' where 'He advocates physically moving around in order to see things from a different perspective'.
hmm.
anybody ever heard of that?
i can't find anything on google.
i don't like it when i can't find anything on google.
even NLP got links from google...
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 13, 2005, at 7:06:27
In reply to okay so now i'm even more serious about quitting, posted by alexandra_k on October 13, 2005, at 5:31:19
I agree, Id be wary of hypnosis, it can be dangerous and people who are more prone to dissociations are more easy to hypnotize. It kind of gives me the willies. I searched David Groves but I cant find anything either.
Posted by cricket on October 13, 2005, at 7:16:54
In reply to okay so now i'm even more serious about quitting, posted by alexandra_k on October 13, 2005, at 5:31:19
Hi Alex,
I agree with Rainbowbrite. Self-hypnosis does not sound like a good idea.
Never heard of David Groves either and it sounds weird.
Posted by Tamar on October 13, 2005, at 7:52:43
In reply to okay so now i'm even more serious about quitting, posted by alexandra_k on October 13, 2005, at 5:31:19
> t wants me to take a night class to learn self-hypnosis.
Argh!
> i really don't think... that sounds like a good idea to me.
Well, I wouldn’t go for it, but some people swear by it…
> and...
>
> David Groves style 'movement work' where 'He advocates physically moving around in order to see things from a different perspective'.
>
> hmm.
>
> anybody ever heard of that?
> i can't find anything on google.
> i don't like it when i can't find anything on google.
> even NLP got links from google...I’ve heard of something similar for conflict resolution. I did it in a workshop once at a conference. It was interesting… Not precisely the same thing your T is talking about perhaps.
I had a little fish about on google. Try googling “david grove” and “clean space”. That might be the thing your T was talking about.
Cheers,
Tamar
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on October 13, 2005, at 9:06:11
In reply to okay so now i'm even more serious about quitting, posted by alexandra_k on October 13, 2005, at 5:31:19
Hmmm. Maybe it is more of a relaxation thing rather than "self-hypnosis." Maybe that's just a catchy name? Some people find EMDR helpful although many people think it is bunk.
Hard to say whether self-hypnosis could be helpful or not. I'll admit that I would have had the same reaction you do. Just thought I'd throw some ideas out there for the sake of argument. ;)
Best,
EE
Posted by alexandra_k on October 13, 2005, at 18:48:34
In reply to okay so now i'm even more serious about quitting, posted by alexandra_k on October 13, 2005, at 5:31:19
Thanks for the search terms Tamar.
I think it might be... Time to quit.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 13, 2005, at 19:47:26
In reply to Re: okay so now i'm even more serious about quitting, posted by alexandra_k on October 13, 2005, at 18:48:34
because...
it seems to me that she really is clutching at straws.
and her thought on hypnosis in particular...
would be something that i think most 'experts' would think best avoided for someone with my symptoms.and i'm not saying that the 'experts' views should be heralded as authoratative or anything like that.
but i do think that if one is going to disagree, or to advise an alternative course of action, then one should at least have a jolly good theorietical motivation for disagreeing.
but to be honest...
i don't think she knows anything about what the 'experts' think or would reccomend. because she writes them off as people who take themselves to be authorative on the clients experiences. when clearly the client is authoratative with respect to their own experiences.
i told her...
that i don't think the 'experts' claim to be authorative on the clients experiences. it is more that the client exhibits certain symptoms (typically cashed out as behavioural). and with respect to what works to alleviate / worsten those symptoms... well... that is an objective matter. and thus you can study what helps and what harms leaving aside the experiences altogether. and thus... the 'experts' are experts because they have studies what helps and what harms.
but that...
is to cast doubt on her particular variety of helping.which is about believing that the client is the authority. and that the client has it within their power to solve all their difficulties.
fact is...
she is used to seeing people for one or two or three sessions.
so they can vent...
or work out what they are going to do with respect to some particular problem or other.i know that in many ways her line is best...
i mean... it looks like i'm not going to get a t. so... all that is left to be done... is to accept that i have the power to help myself / solve my own problems. i guess that is the antedote to despair. only trouble is... i don't believe it. i don't believe it.and i know this is horrid.
but i don't have faith in her
i don't think she knows what she is talking about
she won't read anything that i consider 'reputable'
and she ruminates on this kind of stuff...
and thats fine
and i'm sure thats immensely helpful for some peoplebut not me not me.
personality clash again...
:-(
Posted by gardenergirl on October 13, 2005, at 22:35:46
In reply to Re: okay so now i'm even more serious about quitting, posted by alexandra_k on October 13, 2005, at 19:47:26
Oh dear. I hate to see you quit if it helps at least some (and doesn't harm along the way). But only you can decide that, really.
I would want to know her thinking on the hypnosis thing, too, because I agree that's it's usually not good for folks who dissociate.
Here's that DBT self-help website I was telling you about. www.dbtselfhelp.com
Just trying to offer some sense of hope and choice.
((((alexandra)))
gg
Posted by Damos on October 13, 2005, at 23:01:52
In reply to Re: okay so now i'm even more serious about quitting, posted by alexandra_k on October 13, 2005, at 19:47:26
Oh Alex, I don't know what to say. But I've got to agree with the others on the self hypnosis thing.
Like gg I don't want to see you lose this if it helps in even the smallest way, but all this cr*p sure must make it hard to stay.
Sorry you're going through this.
Posted by Tamar on October 14, 2005, at 5:36:00
In reply to Re: okay so now i'm even more serious about quitting, posted by alexandra_k on October 13, 2005, at 19:47:26
(((((alex)))))
What a horrible position to be in.
I’ve also read that hypnosis isn’t a good idea for people who dissociate…
It’s very uncomfortable to disagree profoundly at a theoretical level with people who are providing healthcare.
And yet… if you are the authority… if you have it within your power to solve all your difficulties… wouldn’t it make sense for her to recognise that one of your resources is the capacity to understand and critique the theory? I think she shouldn’t be threatened if you have a perspective on the theory that differs from hers.
I think in any healthcare context there should be an understanding that the treatment should fit the patient’s needs. That’s probably not in dispute. But in a situation where someone’s usual theoretical approach isn’t perfectly matched with a patient’s (or client’s) needs, there has to be some room for negotiation.
Have you asked her to read some of stuff you think is reputable? I think it would be reasonable for her to agree to do a little reading. Even if she disagrees with the content, I think she needs to be able to discuss it with you. After all, if she was willing to take you as a client, knowing it wasn’t a perfect arrangement, I think she has some responsibility to move outside her comfort zone a little.
Has she flatly refused to read things you’ve suggested?
Posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2005, at 19:59:51
In reply to Re: okay so now i'm even more serious about quitting » alexandra_k, posted by gardenergirl on October 13, 2005, at 22:35:46
> Oh dear. I hate to see you quit if it helps at least some (and doesn't harm along the way). But only you can decide that, really.
yeah. and that... is a hard one. sometimes i think yes, it is helpful for me to see her. othertimes i think no i am just wasting both of our time.
and i vaccilate a fair bit.
we aren't really doing any work...
but then i suppose you get out what you put in. i just don't seem to be able to put more into it. because of our match i suppose. i don't know...:-(
> I would want to know her thinking on the hypnosis thing, too, because I agree that's it's usually not good for folks who dissociate.turns out there wasn't much more behind it than that she personally found it useful.
> Here's that DBT self-help website I was telling you about. www.dbtselfhelp.com
thanks.
> Just trying to offer some sense of hope and choice.
> ((((alexandra)))
thanks gg.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2005, at 20:00:51
In reply to Re: okay so now i'm even more serious about quitting » alexandra_k, posted by Damos on October 13, 2005, at 23:01:52
> Like gg I don't want to see you lose this if it helps in even the smallest way, but all this cr*p sure must make it hard to stay.thanks damos.
that means a lot.
:-)
Posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2005, at 20:05:29
In reply to Re: okay so now i'm even more serious about quitting » alexandra_k, posted by Tamar on October 14, 2005, at 5:36:00
i think the trouble is...
that she has to use what she knows, what she has been trained in as her base.her training is in having a chat (a 1-3 session chat) with people in order to help them see their way a bit clearer around a fairly particular problem.
i don't know much about her base
the stuff she has read
just what it is exactly that she is trained in.and so it is hard to talk about it because we are coming from very different places.
i don't agree with the majority of the lit that i have read. but at least i can talk about the points of disagreement with the standard lit. she hasn't read the standard lit. so we kind of talk past each other when discussing these things.
basically... i need to accept her for who she is and what she does.
and that means...
general chat is okay
and that can be helpful
but with respect to anything more
thats all folks.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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