Posted by Partlycloudy on March 29, 2014, at 19:57:17
It's had a very steep learning curve. I know that I am giving out mixed messages all the time, which must be the most frustrating thing in the world. I don't know, you see someone you love crying, so you want to comfort them? It seems straightforward.
But I have lost that feeling of separation, solitude, and insight. Instead I feel enormous pressures to try new (untried) social situations. I have asked for this to stop, for the stimulation to just back off.
I can see and hear the desperation and fear when he suggests these things. As if leaving me alone will drive me from him. What I have been looking for, though, is isolation within my own home, if it is possible. Sleeping through the day is dumb, though depression makes it doable. I am all but pushing my husband to go and find a life of his own. Something I don't think he has any experience with.
So far our attempt at having a friend as a couple has been a disaster as my husband has such low self esteem and no experience that my interaction with this other person is perceived as a direct threat. Foolish, immature, but taken as a nonsense direction it poses no threat long term to the friendship. My previous marriage had friends who were couples, singles, saw us one or the other without issue. My spouse apparently is without experience. It hurts me, yes, because the intellectual stimulation is stolen away.
But that is today. It may change. The marriage may yet end if his therapy is of no help. He needs a lot of help. I think I am going to be OK. As long as someone loves me.
poster:Partlycloudy
thread:1063411
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140312/msgs/1063411.html