Posted by Dinah on April 6, 2006, at 7:49:50
In reply to careful deneb..., posted by special_k on April 5, 2006, at 19:33:20
> so IMO appreciate what he has done
> and show the appreciation by being respectful
> respect.It's a hot button issue for me, not because of abuse but because of systematic ignoring of the boundaries growing up. To the point where I never felt cared about as a person, but as an extension of the person who claimed to love me. I always say that any rebellion on my part was like a rebellion of a right elbow. One's right elbow isn't supposed to have needs or wants or boundaries of their own.
It's not that I think there's anything wrong in asking for a hug with someone who appears open to the idea. But when someone, overtly or in subtle graciousness, has indicated a reluctance, then IMHO sensitivity to another's feelings should guide. Not that I have always been sensitive in the stress of real life situations. But it's my goal.
I can't describe it but maybe it's like subject and object vs. I and thou.
I wish growing up that I had felt more like a thou.
poster:Dinah
thread:626334
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060406/msgs/629559.html