Posted by whiterabbit on June 13, 2003, at 16:00:51
In reply to Re: You aren't » whiterabbit, posted by kalyb on June 13, 2003, at 8:53:21
And my (soontobeex) husband thinks I'm hopelessly crazy and pretty near worthless. Men...what do they know.
Anyway it sounds to me like you need to sit down with the roommate and define for her EXACTLY the responsibilities that you're willing to take on. As long as the "house rules" are so vague she'll keep complaining. So you decide what you think is a fair share of the work and tell her, "I'll take out the trash (rubbish? do you say trash?) and keep the floors swept, and I'm willing to take turns with you cleaning the bathroom and doing the dishes. You take care of your child and your pets..." or, you know, whatever. I'm serious now, you should do this. Assertive (sometimes aggressive) people take advantage of us quiet
ones and they'll roll right over you if you let them...my mother is very much like that and I've had some bosses from Hell. I used to think, "What's the use, I'll never out-shout this person, I can't go up against those loud competitive types," so you end up running away or feeling like a doormat.But then I got older - no, that sounds awful - then I matured enough to realize that you don't HAVE to combat these people who view every situation as a contest they must win. There is no contest if you refuse to play by somebody else's
rules. What you do is, YOU decide what your boundaries are and what behavior you're willing to tolerate, and then you quietly but firmly draw the line...and do not allow anyone to step over it. At first you will be a little shakey when you say, "I can't talk to you when you're acting like this...we'll talk later." Then hang up the phone or walk away. It works. Also, if somebody asks you to do something that you don't like, just say,
"Let me think about it and I'll get back to you."
End of discussion. Then you go decide what YOU want to do and stick by your decision - no shouting or arguments or lame excuses. You have every right to run your own life.Alright then, I'm stepping off the soapbox.
-Gracie
poster:whiterabbit
thread:233461
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030604/msgs/233742.html