Posted by WorryGirl on June 13, 2003, at 9:27:45
In reply to Loneliness, Shyness, Social Phobia?, posted by Emily Barrett on June 4, 2003, at 3:22:06
> Hello all,
>
> This is my first post to the board. I'm glad to have found the forum and hope everyone here is feeling reasonably well. I personally experience shyness and loneliness, which I suppose could be classified as "social phobia". I also get depressed sometimes. I've been through more treatments and pdocs than I can list, sorry to say. Some of them were harmful, some did nothing at all.
>Hi Emily,
Welcome to the board where you don't have to be lonely :)
I can relate to your situation. I was bullied throughout most of junior high with nary a friend to be found and I know it has had negative repercussions, even now, about 25 years later.> I guess my main question is how do you know if you have social phobia, as opposed to just having a shy and sensitive personality? I was bullied as an "outcast" in junior high school, and had to complete high school at home, due to harassment at school. These horrible experiences alone may have affected the way in which I interact with and view people. I got through college by focusing like a laser on the academic part, and completely keeping to myself (I lived off campus).
>That's a tough question, because I don't know if I have true social phobia or not either. I believe there are some very sensitive souls out there who feel things that most others wouldn't notice. I notice the tiniest change in an expression or tone of voice and believe that I know the exact second someone "turns on me" or has decided that I'm a waste of their time. I'm sure that I have misinterpreted their body language, but nonetheless it crushes me. It is possible that you may have a variation of social phobia. I only have social phobic signs when I am around people I don't know well or people I know, but I know they don't like me (or at least I think they don't like me and 99 times out of a hundred I'm right). If strangers are responsive to me, I open right up within minutes. This, to me, doesn't sound like social phobia. But if there is any doubt as to what they think of me, I exhibit the classic signs of sp, such as seeming to isolate myself, shaking when spoken to, wanting to be invisible, etc.
> It's been about 15 years since junior high school, yet I still feel like an "outcast" in life. When I was in my early twenties, I was abused and betrayed by my father, so I suppose that avoiding people may just be a "coping strategy" that I have developed due to extremely painful past experiences. As far as friends go, I had friends in elementary school, but then went through my entire teen years with zero friends. (I was somewhat isolated being tutored for high school at home, but it was my choice. The bullying at school was so awful and relentless I was practically suicidal over it.) In my early twenties, I managed to make a few friends who were older than me and out of college. At 24, the emotionally abusive event with my father occurred, and I guess you could say I've been pretty much alone since then. What he did to me makes it very hard for me to trust people.
>That is completely understandable! I was abused by an ex-boyfriend in my 20s, which I think contributed to my anxieties and fears. I'm sure this plays right into our social phobia in general.
> Does anyone else have a similar experience? People have told me that I'm shy, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it. On the rare occasions that I do manage to get out to a party, I try not to act "shy" and to just be myself, but I have trouble thinking of things to say to people I've just met. Worse still is the feeling I get when I see that everyone else at the party seems to be with friends talking and laughing, and I'm just alone. I've actually had people think I was feeling sad just because I'm not smiling and laughing when I'm sitting somewhere all alone. I wasn't even feeling depressed; I think it would be rather strange to be laughing to myself! How happy can anyone appear when he or she is all alone? Anyway, I have tried Paxil for social phobia, but it didn't help any. Any suggestions as to how to have more self-confidence? Also, where do you go to meet people? I don't have much family and only two friends, so I often feel isolated. Well, thanks for listening, and best of luck to you.
>
> EmilyEmily, I feel so much like you, the difference is that I am usually not called shy because I am so naturally talkative once I'm comfortable, almost too talkative. But now I know the reason for this, because I've recently been diagnosed with bipolar, and the overtalkativeness is part of the mania.
Even if you're naturally shy, there's nothing wrong with that! I am so often drawn to sweet, quiet people, but have felt that maybe they were uncomfortable around me. Somehow I tend to view quiet people as being superior! I think quiet people get misread as snobby, etc., because in our culture being social is what it's all about. But as talkative as I am, I am rarely part of the group.
I'm hoping that with medication things will turn around for me.
Don't give up on trying and if you're up to it, experiment with therapy/med and you may find your problems easing.Good luck
WG
poster:WorryGirl
thread:231308
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030604/msgs/233657.html