Posted by glaciergirl on June 4, 2003, at 10:12:28
In reply to Loneliness, Shyness, Social Phobia?, posted by Emily Barrett on June 4, 2003, at 3:22:06
Emily,
I'm sorry to hear about your father, I hope you are doing ok! I am 28 and have often felt alone and shy around other people. I took Paxil for a while and loved how it brought me out of my shell! I am currently taking Concerta for ADHD, but it hasn't seemed to help my social phobia much, I started Wellbutrin today, we'll see if that helps. I won't go back on Paxil bc of weight gain! Anyway, I notice that when we are among others, they have a tendency to "push" us back into our shyness by their approaches, asking us why we aren't talking, what's wrong, if we're ok, etc. I think these people are only trying to help us out of our shell, but it only makes us aware of the fact that we are not "normal" or "fitting in" and others are noticing, which is a blow to our already low self-esteem, at least that is what I experience. I am often perceived as a "snob, bitch, too good to talk to anybody" when meeting others, sometimes I just accept that and keep quiet..to me, that is easier that having to talk to someone (I can never think of things to talk about either!) Other people make it look so easy, talk, talk, talk, and we see people connecting and laughing with these talkitive people, but if we so much as try to talk, it seems like people are so concerned about what we might have to say (oh, look, she's going to say something..) that they don't dare joke or laugh with us...making us think "why did I open my mouth in the first place?" and we lose any hope we had of "fitting in" again. I have started initiating conversations with people when I meet them, sometimes it takes me a while...I tend to sit back and listen to what they talk about with others and what their interests are, then, if there is any common ground, that's what I'll start with...If they are talking about their job and I'm the only one around that doesn't know what they do, I'll ask..it gives you a way to get into the conversation by seeming interested in others and keeping the focus off yourself. (I get real nervous talking about what I do, I feel like others either a) think i'm bragging or b) are thinking, "does she really think I care what she does?"..self-esteem again...There have been many times that I have asked question after question (sometimes I feel like I'm conducting an interview) and only get one or two word responses..which pisses me off! If I'm going to go out of my comfort zone to give an effort, they can at least "talk to me!", but most of the time, it shows you are willing to be in on the conversation. Hope this helps some!
Brooke
poster:glaciergirl
thread:231308
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030604/msgs/231345.html