Posted by noa on February 24, 2002, at 18:05:08
In reply to Re: Distressing therapy appt today, posted by trouble on February 24, 2002, at 9:09:15
Catchy title, eh?
What I mean is that many of us, either innately or from our painful past experiences, or, most likely, the combination of both, have brains senstitized to react strongly using our emotional-survival instinct parts of our brain (like the amygdala)where these reactive parts of the brain go into overdrive and the chemical cascade that happens then overwhelms our thinking brains so our hurt is so overwhelming and our brains are now drowning in panic chemicals and absolute beliefs of our own badness, etc. etc.that our analytical abilities in considering the possibilities of what the stimulus really means (eg, what are all the possibilities of what that look on his face could have meant?)can't possibly keep up.....
At least this is my experience. And when I read the post about the painful therapy session, I can recall similar experiences in therapy. Recently, I went into flaming amygdala mode when triggered by a disappointing situation that I think pushed all of my "panic-about-not getting my life together-not being able to take care of myself-this means the hope I've been relying on that I can establish a livable life is a charade-here is proof of how much a failure I really am-here is proof of how worthless I truly am, etc. etc." buttons. Only all those discernable words I used to describe it just now were nowhere in the vicinity! Not a verbal experience at all. A totally overwhelming, flaming amygdala, preverbal, emotional, all-encompassing experience that cannot really be put into words.
It is the kind of thing that has flared up at times when I pick up on a nonverbal cue or when someone says something that is hurtful to me (at least per my perceptions) or when I say something that I feel I shouldn't have, etc. etc.
So, I am SO glad that your therapist reached out to you to process what happend between you. And that he respects your hightened attunement to nonverbal cues and validates your expereince of being hurt by acknowledging his part, conscious and unconscious, as one of two human beings in the therapy dyad. And glad, too, that you were up to the challenge of processing it, which can be hard work!
I have a therapist who is able to do this as well, and I am so grateful. I think this kind of crisis actually has taught me a lot about myself.
poster:noa
thread:18605
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020223/msgs/18818.html