Posted by Joe J on January 28, 2002, at 22:36:52
In reply to Re: PMS vs. PMDD vs. Bipolar, posted by susan C on January 28, 2002, at 12:39:06
Thank you Susan,I do have a therapist. Actually, we have been to 8 marriage counselors. None of them have helped. Some of them have hurt. None of them can see, or even imagine, what she is really like. She can be so different in public. I went to my own therapist for 2 years, but haven't been back for probably 5 years now. Maybe it is time to go back.
I told my wife for the 2nd time today that I think she has PMDD. The first time I told her today, she said it was a wifes-tail, and is not in any of the medical journals. I told her that it was a newly discovered illness and wouldn't be in any medical journals. She said I was a sicko and walked away. (Hmmm ... is it really an illness? Why isn't it in any medical journals? I do see it all over the internet, but that doesn't make it true.).
The 2nd time just, 1/2 hour ago ... she became extremely angry. She slammed the door on her way out of the house. She is at a level 10 out of 10 on her anger level, and told me that she wanted to kill me. I haven't seen her this angry in 3 months, actually, hmmm ... it was exactly 3 months ago to the day, almost to the hour, that she was previously this angry. October 28, 2001 was her last major episode (I remember because it was on one of our children's birthday's). Tonight, her face turned a deep red as she screamed she is filing for divorce tommorrow and screamed at me that I am the one that has PMDD and I am abusive. She then told me she wanted to gouge my eyes out of my head. She threw things around the living room, then blamed me for throwing them, and told me she would wreck my stuff if I threw her stuff around (that was confusing since I didn't throw anything). The last thing she said to me as she walked out was "die". I remained calm, but told her I thought she should see a mental health professional.
Do women with PMDD ever actually become violent, or do they just say they want to be violent? I think she is frustrated and is sure that I am the root of all her ills, and if she divorces me then she will happy.
I know she won't file, she threatens me with that weekly. In just a few days, she should be out of this episode. She is usually done with her "bad moods" by the 1st day of each month, but then she starts back into her "bad moods" between the 10th and the 14th of each month. I look calm on the outside, but I am a bundle of nerves on the inside.
Sorry for giving all the details in this forum. I had to release this energy someplace. There are womens shelters, but there are no mens shelters.
I bet I am not the only husband that is suffering from this dreadfull puzzle. It is ruining my life. I look at other people, and I am jelleous that they have a good life, and I have a miserable life.
I wonder if I am hindering her recovery by staying in this relationship?
And now the really scarey question? Is this hereditary? I think her Mother had this when she was the same age. Could my daughter get this?
Thanks for listening.
> dear dear
>
> Maybe I should have you talk to my husband. I think there maybe several things going on at the same time. Here, in no particular order, and only from my own experience:
>
> 1. She is very lucky to have you, but also see #10
>
> 2. It is very difficult for oneself to accept these things until she witnesses them for herself. Maybe she has and is so embarrassed she can't discuss it. Denial is not just a river in Egypt
>
> 3. I knew something was wrong for a l o n g time and when PMS first was described, I said, hey hey, thats it!!!!only it isn't.
>
> 3. I found great relief using progesterone (not progestin) (you can do a search on PB about that subject.) For a while.
>
> 4. At age 40 there is also Perimenopause to consider.
>
> 5. Coffee, caffine is bad, but until you are off the river in egypt it is hard to refuse the waiter
>
> 6. Bipolar, rapid cycling (with in hours, minutes, days, weeks) can happen or be exaserbated by the shifts in Estrogens (proconvulsants) and Progesterone (anticonvulsant).
>
> 7. No one really knows the answer, or how to find it or identiify it until it "disrupts daily life" and the answers seem to come through a process of trial and error by a very stubborn patient and doctor(s).
>
> 8. How much of a saint are you? Can there be an 'intervention'? Like Alchololic anonymous for codependancy, how much are you willing to put up with before you say good by? Do you have a therapist?
>
> 9. It could also be a seizure disorder...
>
> 10, Have you ever heard someone say about a child, they are wonderful at school but terrible at home? Or the reverse? There is a perspective that some people only act out at those with whom they feel at ease with...maybe that is what is happening in the car...
>
> "Ten Comments From My Life"
> By Mouse
poster:Joe J
thread:17355
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020125/msgs/17429.html