Posted by Willful on April 3, 2010, at 11:29:35
In reply to Re: Dilemma in Therapy, posted by Daisym on April 3, 2010, at 2:16:00
Since I believe that was part of my point, I have to respectfully say that I didn't suggest that the need to have someone's therapist be in love with them is not the surface manifestation of an issue. But I also think if you get stuck on discussing that--if or when the therapy becomes primarily thinking about, or discussing whether or how the therapist loves you-- rather than continuing the other work-- you won't discover the issues underneath or around it, or come to understand the deeper scenarios of need and desire that are represented by it.
No one, certainly not me, is doubting that we need to feel valued and cared about by our therapists, or have a secure attachment.
My concern is that if you start talking about your desire for love, and have spent years focussed on it, in a way that disrupts the other work of therapy, you'll be caught in a web of confusion and continual questioning. The questions about love and caring are always there--perhaps-- but if the therapist's actions and presence haven't been sufficient to give that assurance, simply getting an"answer" won't either. Of course, it's an issue to discuss at times-- if we're talking about the security of the attachment--,, possibly even a lot, if done from the point of view of wondering why or how it's so up for grabs in your mind and what in your history or present created/or creates it-- When it's about "having feelings" of the type that I think widget means, a lot of suffering and even harm lies down that path. Again, that's not to say that the issue can't be usefully and even crucially discussed-- but only to say that if the discussion only revolves around "how do you (the therapist) really feel" it isn't a a long term strategy for growth or healing.
Willful
poster:Willful
thread:941668
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100303/msgs/941974.html