Posted by daisym on September 20, 2006, at 19:40:01
In reply to Re: I told my husband **child abuse trigger** » Daisym, posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2006, at 9:19:29
That's a hard question because there is no real point here at all - I can't make him say he is sorry, or hold him accountable for screwing up so many things in my life.
But I can try to help myself see that the future can be different, because the common denominator of me =bad might be a faulty premise. And if the equation is faulty, then the outcome (that life will always be hard for me) might be wrong. So I need to "blame" the right person, because so far I blame myself. I need a different word - not blame, not fault, what? HIS sin, not mine?
But you are right. Blame is irrelevent in some ways, as is forgiveness. I believe that a higher power than I is the only place that forgiveness can really be given.
My therapist and I talked today about worthiness. Underneath everything, I feel worthless, not worthy of someone's caring, time or attention. Especially not someone that I care about. He kept trying to get me to define worthiness or worthlessness -- to explain why I was worthless. I finally settled on the word defective instead of worthless.
He looked so sad - but it is the truth. And I just don't know how to change it. I just know how to cover it over and hide the defect.
poster:daisym
thread:686272
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/687731.html