Posted by muffled on February 10, 2006, at 22:00:21
In reply to Terminally self-conscious?, posted by Racer on February 10, 2006, at 18:54:58
> Here's what I've noticed lately: it hardly matters what I'm doing, somewhere in the back of my mind is a very anxious bit that's checking *everything* I do, wondering if it's a sign of personality disorder, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, really-just-nuts disorder, take your pick. After all the experiences I've had in the past few years, I'm terrified, and I find myself questioning myself and my actions and my perceptions absolutely all the time.
***That sounds not too strange to me. I read my writings over and over and over, desprately trying to understand myself.(like some stuff I'll read 10-20x mebbe more proly-doesn't bear thinking about too closely :-(
>
> I'm even doing that with what I'm writing. Yes, I was emphasizing that this background noise is constant. Does that mean that I must be A) histrionic? B) borderline? C) bipolar? D)narcissistic? E)paranoid? F)avoidant? G)dependent? H)relatively normal? ARGH! What a waste of time and energy.
***I think I go thru phases where I stew and wonder why I am the way I am, and wish so bad I could know, so I could be better and not so stupid and unstable. Other times I don't do it so much.
It can be awfully noisy in my head at times. I'm kinda used to it though. Like continuous pressure.
>
> I am not sure why I'm bringing this here, and it will certainly be a big topic coming up in therapy, but does anyone else find themselves doing this? It's bothered me a bit for a while, but this week something just threw me up against a wall with it: "You know, most people don't focus nearly this amount of energy on psychopathology."
***Sounds like a good topic.
>
> And if anyone would like to feed my pathology, is this focus a sign of anything?
***In my exalted opinion, its a sign that you human, and care bout stuff is all.
>
> Now I'm going to go spank myself, for asking that last one...***HA!!!
Take care Racer.
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:608459
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060131/msgs/608514.html