Posted by Damos on October 30, 2005, at 17:19:55
In reply to Re: yeah, i'm sorry, posted by alexandra_k on October 29, 2005, at 18:30:58
Dearest Alex,
I'm really sorry, I've done a bit of a Damos Copperfield and disappeared up my own backside of late.
What can I say. These posts are heartbreaking in so many ways. It hurts to hear you feeling like this, it hurts so much.
But you are right, the system doesn't care. Occasionally you're lucky enough to stumble across someone within the system that does, but the system itself doesn't. Sadly I guess it can be like being on a merry-go-round where they just keep you going around in circles but not actually getting anywhere; or worse a ferriswheel where they raise your hopes and build expectations and then dash them and bring you down, over and over again; or a roller-coaster ride full of ups and downs and dangerous curves. Sometimes we just have to decide that some rides really aren't good for us. Some of my food alergies are kind of like you and the health system. My body actually craves the very thing that will make it sick.
Your feelings about what's happened are reasonable and justified and it's also better that you get them out here than bottle them all up inside. So please don't be sorry. Anything you share with us is received as a precious gift, with warmth and love. Falls is right too, we're all behind you, beside you, and together we can all help each other get through the rough bits.
I'm sorry that they haven't cared, that they haven't ever really seen you. They don't know what they've missed.
I do not, cannot and will not accept that you cannot have the career you've chosen, your health and happiness. I refuse to accept that because you are my friend and you mean to much to me for me not to give all that I am and all that I have to support you. Believing in you and being your friend gives me a reason to get up every morning; a reason to hope; a reason to try to be better. I have seen you Alex, first as a Babbler and then as a flesh and blood person in real life, and the more I know you the more I want to know you. Our friendship is where I turn when I'm struggling and it helps me in so many ways.
Alex, I cannot save you or fix what has happened, though I would if I could. All I can do is be the best friend I can be. You don't have to do it all on your own. We'll all help in any way we can. Wish I could wish me there or you here so we could talk face-to-face over a coffee or ten and maybe some cheesecake.
I know how hard it can be to receive help and love and caring when all you can see is pain and hurt, I do. But I also know that you helped me learn to do that. Please, please, please don't give up on you because we won't. Let us help.
((((((((((Alex))))))))))
poster:Damos
thread:563562
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051025/msgs/573512.html