Posted by Tabitha on February 21, 2016, at 15:54:50
In reply to Different strains of depression, posted by Meltingpot on February 21, 2016, at 12:05:54
> I'm just wondering how people's depression affects them.
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> For me, I don't sob uncontrollably I just start feeling really scared all of the time, unable to concentrate, like this feeling that I've doing something wrong and I'm going to get caught out and told off. I also wake up with sudden feelings of dread and doom. The primary emotion that I feel isn't sadness it's fear!Hi Meltingpot. Wow, it sounds really miserable to have your brain producing fear that intense for no reason, and I'm sorry you have to experience that. I think you are correct in suspecting there are different types of depression. I don't primarily feel sadness, either. In fact if I feel sadness I take it as a sign of improvement, because sadness is an emotion.
I have had different flavors of depression over my life. The last one I would describe as just being utterly unable to feel hope, barely any ability to feel pleasure, and a non-stop barrage of self-criticism. With effort I could direct the self-criticism outward and get into criticizing everything around me, but I couldn't stop the onslaught.
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> Also, I'm always confused when people talk about depressive episodes where they get depressed and them come out the other sideWhen people say that I assume they are talking about overcoming difficult life events as opposed to clinical depression. If you have not experienced it, I think it is very hard to comprehend.
>I function ok with medication and have done since the age of 35. I'm now 49, everytime I stop my meds I go back to the way I was at 35 when I felt suicidal, my situation can be totally different but I still feel as bad inside.
Me too, without the right meds I just relapse. If anything it's worse now than it used to be.
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> I don't understand it when people who have come though depression say that it has made them a better person and that they are stronger for it.
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> I wish I'd never suffered with it, I don't feel like I'm a better person or stronger person because of it and I'm not glad that I have suffered from it. Even if I was completely cured I would never want to go through it again. I feel haunted by how bad I felt, it worries me that my brain is naturally in such a state. If someone had asked me at the age of 35 whether I wanted to die or have the experience of suicidal depression. I think I would have chosen death. At least I would have died in ignorance.
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>I agree with you, I don't think depression is a valuable character-building experience. The only thing I have learned from it is that I'm not entirely in control of my thought or moods. Which is interesting but I'd rather not have the personal experience!
poster:Tabitha
thread:1086355
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20160131/msgs/1086368.html