Posted by Meltingpot on February 21, 2016, at 12:05:54
I'm just wondering how people's depression affects them.
For me, I don't sob uncontrollably I just start feeling really scared all of the time, unable to concentrate, like this feeling that I've doing something wrong and I'm going to get caught out and told off. I also wake up with sudden feelings of dread and doom. The primary emotion that I feel isn't sadness it's fear!
Also, I'm always confused when people talk about depressive episodes where they get depressed and them come out the other side I function ok with medication and have done since the age of 35. I'm now 49, everytime I stop my meds I go back to the way I was at 35 when I felt suicidal, my situation can be totally different but I still feel as bad inside.
I don't understand it when people who have come though depression say that it has made them a better person and that they are stronger for it.
I wish I'd never suffered with it, I don't feel like I'm a better person or stronger person because of it and I'm not glad that I have suffered from it. Even if I was completely cured I would never want to go through it again. I feel haunted by how bad I felt, it worries me that my brain is naturally in such a state. If someone had asked me at the age of 35 whether I wanted to die or have the experience of suicidal depression. I think I would have chosen death. At least I would have died in ignorance.
Denise
poster:Meltingpot
thread:1086355
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20160131/msgs/1086355.html