Posted by orochi on December 15, 2014, at 17:35:16
In reply to Re: If you've always been melancholic, can ADs help? » orochi, posted by phidippus on December 10, 2014, at 13:46:09
Hi everyone,
I feel terrible right now. Absolutely terrible.
I have to get off Anafranil because it makes my heart race too much. I am down to 10mg. But the reason for feeling terrible isn't the reduced dose it's my circumstances.
I got some bad news yesterday and now I feel absolutely down again. I have so many problems they are totally overwhelming. Every time I am facing a problem I become totally overwhelmed. For a while I can suppress thinking about them and during this time I may feel so so but once I am reminded of one of my many problems (like being reminded of a sickness or being reminded of my personal situation or thinking about how bad my overall situation is) then it totally knocks me down!
I cannot even tell if an AD works or not cause during my "so so times" I may think it could be working a bit but in fact it is not! I can only tell wether an AD works or not if it helped me during these really bad times and no AD did.
I don't know what to do now. I tried therapy. It was a joke. It only made me feel worse. The advice were so generic. Like for example "don't think about your diseases accept them" how is this supposed to help me??!?
I cannot simply accept them! If I could I would have done it years ago. :(
My situation is so grim that there is basically no advice which comforts me. When I talk to someone about my situation (and I dont have many to talk to) then for a short while I feel better but after weeks or months I am again reminded how bad everything is and then I feel totally hopeless again.
I have simply too much to deal with. I have many physical ailments. They alone would be more than enough to be depressed about. But then I also ruined my life with false decisions. I ended up studying something which I'm not good at and which also doesn't really interest me and now I'm terribly afraid of the final exams and I keep pushing them back but I can't escape them. They are before me and I simply feel like there is no way I can do this. The fear is simply too strong and this fear has been building up for YEARS!!!
I cannot count how many times during my study years I felt like this is it and would just have given up if I could have. Instead I had to drag on and suffered and now at the very end where I face the final exams I feel like I just cannot do it.
And there is no plan B for me I'm way too old for that. I cannot simply study something new. Already now everything is a total mess. My doctor also once told me this. He looked at me totally concerned and asked me who's supposed to hire me with my terrible vitae. How shall I explain this to someone that I have been studying something more than twice as long as normal students? What shall I say? That I suffer from anxiety and depression and was afraid of the finals? Something like this is a red flag.
And besides this with my bad health and strong depression I don't even see me working in a job. I am not functional at all! Most of the time I am already in bad shape when I simply at home lying on the couch dealing with my own issues. How shall I make it in life? I really dont know. :(Basically I go to my doc and tell him that the AD didnt work and discuss options. But there isn't really time to discuss personal issues. He doesn't really know how bad everything is. There's no time to bring such things up. His waiting room is always full. And psychiatrists usually also don't really want too much details they simply prescribe drugs.
I took celexa at 20mg for 8 weeks.
Remeron at 30mg for maybe 6 weeks.
Wellbutrin at 300mg for 8 weeks it didnt do much.
Tianeptine for 5 weeks during this time I felt really bad but I dont know if it was because of the drug or not
I also tried memantine at 20mg for 5 weeks. It also didn't really do much.
poster:orochi
thread:1074003
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20141120/msgs/1074237.html