Posted by katia on May 18, 2003, at 15:12:04
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic!, posted by fluffy on May 18, 2003, at 13:53:28
Hi Flufs,
thanks for the long e-mail. it helps. My mind opened to the fact that I may have been suffering from depression most of my life a little over a year ago (it was undeniable as I couldn't pull myself off of the floor for months). Now my mind is beginning to open to me poss. being BPII. I never realized this "class" of dx existed. I always figured that mania was high spending, intense feelings of well-being, euphoria, high energy of not needing sleep,etc.
the II dx - god it's really starting to make sense. ADs haven't really being doingit for me. In a wierd way, but a drugged way. But I still feel the high irritable energy still.
to make a long story short, every thing everyone says hits home to me when talking about BPII symptoms.
I think this is even why I took me ages to figure out what i suffered from was depression. It was always somehow mixed; like how could I be depressed when I have this wild energy to cart me across the world? (I did a lot of travelling) The energy takes care of me in wierd way - gets me through mild depressions. It's like a fight within me. A powerful warrior side; not letting people walk over me; lashing out in rages of "self-assertiveness" or so I think. carting me further and further away from the land of the living. then crash; depression; inmobility, staring at walls, no energy; everyone is soooooo cruel to me! and then this fueling energy to pick me up and tote me to yet another country, another job, another lover,etc. all these irrational spontaneous wild decisions/(rather impluses).
god! it's making sense now.
I'm just doing my research now. What seems to resonate the most with me re: dx is bpII dysphoric mixed. (w/ major depressive disorder).
I have an appt. with a good pdoc iin about three weeks. What I'm going to do is try and chronicle all my moods from day one; chronicle all my med history (less than a year) with side effects and so forth. I want to go in there and give him info, but not suggest what I think my dx is. That was the problem at this clinic. For some reason, it sounds like I know what I'm talking about and the pdocs (I've seen about seven in 10 mos.) i've seen just take my word for it when I adamently said "I'm defint. NOT manic; I've never been manic, so let's move on". And I think i should try this new med; what do you think? they always just AGREE!!!!!! How frustrating! This mixed up patient shouldn't be the expert! I agree with being in touch with what works for me even if contradicts what the pdocs say, but I'd like someone else to take the initiative....
anyway, i'll stop.one question;
Do you feel by taking a med for BPII gave the diagnostic results to confirm BPII? In other words, does your lamictal act as a diagnostic?
tks.
Katia
poster:katia
thread:225051
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030514/msgs/227426.html