Posted by KarenB on July 6, 2000, at 11:47:47
In reply to Re: you did it again, Karen!, posted by CarolAnn on July 6, 2000, at 8:51:03
>> I do also believe that self-esteem can be helped with medication. I think I really meant to just have ryan consider whether his therapist has been addressing the problems of whether past "issues" might be causing some of the negativity.
That's always a good idea. I am so glad - FOR ME - that I didn't take the route of meds only, first. If I looked to someone like the doc I have now, to help me, I'd still be in deep kimchee. I tried cognitive therapy with a few different therapists and did work through some issues. I think it is particularly important if you had parents who were not behaving. My father was (died in '95) an alcoholic and from what I know now, was almost certainly suffering untreated ADD all his life. He was anti-doctor in the extreme, and as a result probably died before he needed to, of cancer.
The part I think is important is this: Conclusions I made as a child needed to be re-evaluated with my more mature, adult mind. Certain people in my family were very ill, mentally, and I took what they said about and to me as facts, when they were not the truth at all. I am sure I still don't see myself as I am and have been held back by that in many areas. For instance, I don't expect people to like me. I am surprised when they do and don't know quite how to act. That's a tough one because self loathing is so ingrained. So, I talk to myself, positively (but silently) a lot. Like, when part of me starts saying negative things about or to me, I tell that particular voice to shut up. I am a Christian, so I also rebuke the thought and ask God to take it from me. It's very hard because when I am on the downward spiral, the thoughts are like a broken record and often will not quit. BTW, my doc just started me on a very low dose of Zyprexa at night and I will be interested to see if it helps with the
ruminating thoughts. They are responsible for much of the self esteem issue. You can't say to yourself, over and over that you suck and not have some profoundly negative results in your mood. The good part is, there is a very big part of me now that knows what the truth really is and those thoughts are powerful weapons against the lies. Scripture reading also helps with that: More truth than lies being entertained and accepted in my conscious mind and I am a happier, healthier person.Regarding rambling:
>>Well, you're my friend, so I know you'll at least attempt to figure it all about!Yes, I am and yes, I did. Rambling doesn't bother me as long as it is coherant and of value, which I do consider yours to be. Grandiose diatribes by those wanting to argue about things they like to write and talk about but seldom DO anything about, bore me to distraction. It always reminds me of that scripture in Job, when God finally speaks. He says, "Who is this who gives counsel without knowledge?" Know what I mean? Answers and thoughts that are from the heart are never boring to me, regardless of length. Hey, I can hyperfocus.
BTW, I think your Mom was working a double shift and coming to my house! I think it's harder with parents because I know I EXPECT them somehow to understand certain things, like how to communicate and what things hurt me. Sometimes, though, they just DON'T. My Mom was raised by a very strict, rigid, New England family. Her mother didn't want her to become conceited, so made it a point never to compliment her. She passed that nonsense on to me. I would get dressed up to go out in my teens and early twenties and she would say I looked "fine." Nothing more. She had no idea how desperately I needed to hear some praise or admiration from SOMEONE! As a result, I am heavy on the praise with my children. I correct them when they are wrong but when they do something right, I am all over it. I also have a "game" I play with my sons - I say, "You know why I love you?" And they say, "Because I'm Stuart (or Jackson)." I want them to know that love is not dependant on performance or anything else, but just because they "are."
Sorry this is so long but I seldom get into the "past" issue on this board. We are friends here, though and this is who I am...
Karen
poster:KarenB
thread:39467
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000630/msgs/39562.html