Posted by JaneS on July 5, 2000, at 18:36:55
In reply to the river is running dry, posted by ryan_s on July 5, 2000, at 16:11:55
> hello to all of you courageous souls,
>
> first of all i would like to tell all of the babblers out there what i heard the other night on tv. there was a special on depression. one quote from a doctor who specializes in depression stuck to my ribs. he said, "some people look at a depressed patient as being mentally weak. the truth is that depressants are some of the strongest minded people in the world, because they deal with the pain of a uncontrollable disease every single day of their lives."
>
> wow.
>
> it is nice to start a discussion with some optimism.
>
> my name is ryan. i have been a babbler for one year. i suffer from some form of depression. that is my problem i do not know what exactly is wrong with me. one thing i do know. i am not happy.
>
> through two years of therapy i have been put on prozac, paxil, celexa, buspar, neurontin, remeron, wellbutrin, zyprexa, seroquel, and adderall. the ssris only made my depression worse. serotinin syndrome (the loss of feelings or blunting of emotions) made me feel like a was going crazy. the neurontin made me feel like i was drunk and did nothing for my self esteem, which is my biggest problem. remeron made sleep for hours on end and gave me a sense that i was detached from the world. seroquel and zyprexa did help with my anxiety, but did nothing for my general sense of well being. all of the meds that i have mentioned i tried for at least one month. that brings me to the present. adderall. when i first took adderall it made me feel normal. i no longer needed to fidget and act on my impulsive nature. however, once again the adderall is not doing much for my self esteem.
>
> if someone can relate to me i am going to try to tell you what it feels like to be me. i get up in the morning and have thoughts that come from the depression. "why, ryan, can do you not want to hang out with people; why are you so unsure of yourself; my friends probably are scared of me and do not want to talk to me because they think that i am weird; why are you not proud of yourself; why are you not excited to be alive; ext. ext. to keep a long story short these negative thoughts flow through my head every single day.
>
> the one positve that i have through my ordeal with depresion is that something has to be out there that will help me and others in my situation. the main thing that i am looking for is a medication that like adderall does not give me horrible side effects, but that helps me love myself. the ssris are out of the question. i refuse to try another. the maois are probably out of the question also, because they are known for there side effects, and they act on serotonin. from all of the research that i have done on medications there doesnt seem to be much more left in the cabinet that will help my situation. if anyone has any ideas please reply. i would greatly appreciate anything.
>
> thank you so much,
> ryan
Ryan:Thanks for sharing about the tv thing. I think all too often we depressives get the bad rap of laziness/could do better/etc. Also I know how you are feeling for I, too, have been on the trial and error rollercoaster for almost two years now myself.
There are many others here that will be better able to suggest to you avenues to try next. I'm not that up on which AD acts on seratonin, etc., as are they, BUT that will not stop me now....
Ages ago and prior to the onslaught of SSRI's, tricyclics worked well for me. After a break, I was also successful on Nardil and remained on that for 5 years...it finally pooped out...That's the last time I can say I felt like myself. NOW comes the past two years...I have never responded to any SSRI and I have tried them all. Like you, each one didn't work and seemed to spiral me into that black pit.
Effexor and Serzone are two I did not see mentioned by you but they did not work well for me. Now I'm on Remeron and probably needing a slight adjustment and/or augmentation at this time...but I'm close.
Through this site and links combined with the incredible compassion and knowledge all of these other wonderful people bring, I feel sure that success, meaning the perfect potion for me, is just around the corner...and I know it is there for you too...so hang in there...we're here for you.
Stay in touch so we know how you're doing. And in the meantime, know I'm with you and sending good thoughts.
Jane
poster:JaneS
thread:39467
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000630/msgs/39483.html