Posted by Phil on May 16, 1999, at 7:37:36
In reply to Suddenly suicidal, scared, and still medicated..., posted by Racer on May 15, 1999, at 23:08:08
> I don't know what triggered this, but suddenly I realized that I had nothing I wanted to live for. Nothing. It's not anything like the usual, not despondant, but suddenly too tired to deal with the problems and wanting just to get it over with.
>
> I'm still on Effexor XR, 112.5 per day, and it's still got me kinda sunny, but inside I just don't want to go on.
>
> Anyone else experience this? Am I really suicidal? I am considering it, since the financial problems are just overwhelming. >
> So, any advice? Anything?
>
> Thanks.>>>Hi Racer,
Just my experience to share. Although my current meds-Serzone, Ritalin, and occasional Klonopin seem to keep me going, there are still times that the 'hole in my soul' reappears.
I was raised by two world-class alcoholics and
basically ignored. The coping skills I learned when I was ten don't work so well at 45.
I told a good friend recently that ,although
things are getting better for me, There are occasional days That I just want to say f--- it.
I am still learning that I can't allow myself
to get too Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired. The old One DAy at a Time works for my brain when nothing else will.
I get pissed when people tell me my problem is NOT about Money but I do believe they are right.
If it wasn't money, it would be something else.
Life is about perception-not reality.
Now, to close this rambing. My mother was sober the last 19 years of her life. She died 4 years ago of cancer, at 73. She was my best friend. After her numerous suicide threats, etc,
to me as a 12-18 year old, one of my great joys now is that my Mom fought it till the end, bravely and unselfishly. In her own way, she
gave me the only gift she had left to give. It
will help carry me to my natural end. Racer, damn the torpedoes-full speed ahead!A friend,
Phil Jordan
poster:Phil
thread:6148
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990501/msgs/6172.html