Posted by David K. on January 19, 1999, at 17:18:05
In reply to Re: Increased mood swings, posted by Shelley in Seattle on January 19, 1999, at 12:33:39
I think I've managed to craft a pretty good facade, though, especially at work ... I've cultivated the "wacky guy" kind of image. Someone will ask, "How're you doing?" and I'll say, "I don't know." They'll ask, "What do you mean you don't know?" and I'll say, "Well, I'm too busy longing for the cool caress of death's hand."
And they'll LAUGH, because, God, I just MUST be kidding, right? (I'll usually say it pretty cheerfully, too.) And everyone's just used to it, I guess. They just think I'm morbid. And I'm pretty nice otherwise, so they don't hate me for being so odd. (I don't think!) And it sort of helps me to "get it out," even if no one thinks I mean it.
My doctor usually asks about the "suicidal ideation" if I don't mention it first. I was seeing a therapist before her, though ... jeez! She WOULDN'T ask me questions. Everything was, "Mmm ... mmmhmmm... how did that make you FEEL? Mmmhmmm..." which I'm sure works for some people, but NOT FOR ME. I even ASKED her to ask me about things, because otherwise I just avoid the mre uncomfortable subjects and slip out at the end of the 45 minutes having wasted both our time and my money. Her response to my request for her to ask me more questions? "I've found that THIS is the best way to do therapy."
Zip. That was that.
That was the signal that THIS WASN'T THE THERAPIST FOR ME. I mean, I took her answer as a flat out, "No." Or, like someone I work with says, "a two word phrase, and it's not 'Happy Birthday.'"
But I LOVE the doctor I'm seeing now. (So much so that I was almost worried for a little while!) We have good, interesting conversations but she doesn't let me get too far off track. She also even tells me interesting litle things about herself or other patients, which is really cool. And she actually GETS my sense of humor, which is extremely rare! (And she can "give it back" to me, too. When I kept asking her for a prescription for Morphine, she finally just said, "How about a smack in the head?" Any other "professional" would have just went on and on and on about how that wasn't, realistically, a good idea. (My Dr. started with that: "Morphine would just put you in a stupor." "That's the point!")
But she got that I was really just kidding.
Come to think of it, I think I use my sense of humor as a test sometimes. Hmm. Because the first time she "answered me back" like that, I felt really thankful and warm inside.
That's something to think about, or to bring up this Saturday (my next appointment.)
Hmm.
poster:David K.
thread:2503
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990501/msgs/2533.html