Posted by Victoria on April 8, 1999, at 14:08:06
In reply to Re: Choosing a therapist, posted by Daniel on April 7, 1999, at 8:11:09
Daniel, You seem wonderfully articulate to me! And remembr, it's more the therapist's job to understand you than it is yours to explain yourself; speechlessness is perfectly OK, if it best expresses your mental state at a particular moment. I certainly have felt, and sometimes still do feel, self-hate and a wish to be some other person. I too have felt uncomfortable in my skin for much of my life. Biological depression plays a big role in both things for me. I hope you do find a doc and can explore both the physical and emotional parts of what you're going through. Just take it step-by-step; get a few recommendations from friends, your regular MD, whoever and set up an initial appointments to check them out; take some time after the appointments to think about how you felt about each of them as people and how well their approach matches what you feel about your problems. It was very good for me to take this active approach, rather than feeling that I had to just sign up for the dreaded 8 or 10 years regardless of progress. Good luck!
> > ... and it's best to think of therapy not as a "cure" or even means of "changing" myself, but as a way to get to know myself more deeply, in relation to another person, and to become more fully comfortable being myself. Good luck!
>
> Dear Victoria,
>
> Thank you for sharing your experience with the rest of us.
>
> Let me once again repeat the last part of your post with small changes if you don't mind:
>
> > ... and it's best to think of therapy not as a "cure" or even means of "CHANGING" MYSELF (!!!), but as a way to get to know myself more deeply, in relation to another person, and to BECOME MORE FULLY COMFORTABLE BEING MYSELF.
>
> I think - GOOD FOR YOU! You for sure are at least one step ahead of me: I think that my self-hate is so deeply rooted that I sometimes wish I were a completely different person, I wish I were born someone else! Which of course is not possible, but then I wish to CHANGE MYSELF to become someone else, but then I realize this is not attainable to a GREAT EXTENT either, so as a result I slip into a large sea of despair where I think I'm going to drown soon, I am beginnig to feel as if I was choking... I don't know whether this is just another symptom of my depression state that I am currently going through or something else, I just don't know... But as far as I can remember, I have never felt comfortable with myself - considering that this is just another symptom of depression - I must have been in depression all my life.
>
> OK, I know I'd better discuss this with my therapist (when I find one), but I'm pretty sure that I would be left speechless, unable to formulate clearly my thoughts... so thank you for listening.
>
> Daniel
poster:Victoria
thread:2382
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990401/msgs/4563.html