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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 43. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jerrympls on October 7, 2005, at 9:37:11
Seems like I've been saying that a lot - but it just keeps coming to a head. I've outlived my usefulness - there's nothing for me now. It's over.
thanks
Posted by Deneb on October 7, 2005, at 9:48:24
In reply to I really want to end my life, posted by jerrympls on October 7, 2005, at 9:37:11
What's wrong Jerrympls?
Maybe it will help if you talk about it?
Deneb
Posted by wildcard on October 7, 2005, at 14:44:23
In reply to I really want to end my life, posted by jerrympls on October 7, 2005, at 9:37:11
> I have felt so empty and alone so many times and felt how you feel right now. You need to get emergency care!!! Call someone, anyone, go to the hospital or call a 24 hour crisis hot line but think of how everything can change w/ the blink of an eye! If u give up now, you will never know!! You may feel alone but you're NOT! U have support here from people~real people~who understand your pain...Talk to me, i'm here right now! abbey
Posted by ed_uk on October 7, 2005, at 14:56:26
In reply to I really want to end my life, posted by jerrympls on October 7, 2005, at 9:37:11
Dear Jerry,
We need to chat. Can we agree a time? Tomorrow night might be good because I can stay up late.
Love
~Ed
Posted by spriggy on October 7, 2005, at 16:23:59
In reply to Re: I really want to end my life » jerrympls, posted by ed_uk on October 7, 2005, at 14:56:26
I'm so sorry you are feeling that way.
I think most of us here have been there (or are there now).
I pray that you would be encouraged today and know the value your life has.
Posted by Phillipa on October 7, 2005, at 18:41:35
In reply to Re: I really want to end my life, posted by spriggy on October 7, 2005, at 16:23:59
Gee Jerry I'm sorry you feel that way. I think there are a lot of others who feel the same way too right now. Please don't do anything rash. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by lynn970 on October 7, 2005, at 20:31:52
In reply to I really want to end my life, posted by jerrympls on October 7, 2005, at 9:37:11
Nooooo!!!!! You have a lot to offer this world. I am telling you. I dont know if you are a christian or if you even believe in God. Just do me a favor, Ask God to come into your heart. Do it out of desperations. Hey, even if you dont believe in God, just give it a try. It cant hurt
((((((jerrympls)))))
Posted by TexasChic on October 7, 2005, at 20:44:08
In reply to I really want to end my life, posted by jerrympls on October 7, 2005, at 9:37:11
Oh Jerry, I've been right where you are. You have to keep in mind this is a temporary assumption. Your low seretonin levels (or whatever) are contributing to this feeling, and you may not feel this way tomorrow. Please believe me. I know this from experience. I hope you write soon and let us know you're okay.
Posted by jerrympls on October 7, 2005, at 20:47:11
In reply to Re: I really want to end my life, posted by lynn970 on October 7, 2005, at 20:31:52
> Nooooo!!!!! You have a lot to offer this world. I am telling you. I dont know if you are a christian or if you even believe in God. Just do me a favor, Ask God to come into your heart. Do it out of desperations. Hey, even if you dont believe in God, just give it a try. It cant hurt
>
> ((((((jerrympls)))))I've begged for God to help me many, many, many, many times and no response. I'm not even a religious person. But many a night I've gotten down on my knees and ask that he/she take the pain away.
I don't see what I have to offer the world in this state. My friends are doing great without me - same with my family. It's been 15 years of this horrific battle of tremendous pain and suffering and I'm to the point where I won't take it anymore.
Posted by lynn970 on October 7, 2005, at 20:52:28
In reply to Re: I really want to end my life » lynn970, posted by jerrympls on October 7, 2005, at 20:47:11
I am so sorry that you are feeling bad. Please dont do anything to hurt yourself. If you dont mind me asking, what meds are you on?
Maybe you need to change meds. I have a friend who ended his life because of depression. His family is devistated. It really hurt me too.
You have a purpose. You are here for a reason. You might not know what that reason is yet. Just please hang in there.
How long have you been feeling this way? (suicidal)?
Posted by TexasChic on October 7, 2005, at 21:14:11
In reply to Re: I really want to end my life, posted by lynn970 on October 7, 2005, at 20:52:28
jerrympls, I was JUST LIKE YOU at your age. Seriously!!! Things WILL get better. Please just give it a chance! The right meds & the right T can make ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD!!!! If you hang in there and try your damdest, you can have a very fullfilling, wonderful life. Please talk to someone professionally. You're so close to me (in distance) that I feel a real bond with you.
Posted by jerrympls on October 7, 2005, at 21:20:11
In reply to Re: I really want to end my life, posted by TexasChic on October 7, 2005, at 21:14:11
> jerrympls, I was JUST LIKE YOU at your age. Seriously!!! Things WILL get better. Please just give it a chance! The right meds & the right T can make ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD!!!! If you hang in there and try your damdest, you can have a very fullfilling, wonderful life. Please talk to someone professionally. You're so close to me (in distance) that I feel a real bond with you.
I've been on all the medications. I've been telling myself for 15 years things would get better - but they've only gotten worse.
Are you in Wisconsin?
Posted by Sarah T. on October 8, 2005, at 1:14:08
In reply to I really want to end my life, posted by jerrympls on October 7, 2005, at 9:37:11
Hello Jerry,
I don't like your ideas about wanting to end your life. Suicide is such a cop-out. What an un-imaginative, un-inspired way of dealing with the s**t that life has thrown your way!
Nearly all of us here on PB have felt the way you have been feeling lately. I have felt that way many times, but I know that once I'm gone, I'm going to be gone for a long, long time. Forever. Do you have any concept of what that means? Are your parents alive? Have you ever lost anyone to death? I've lost both my parents and many friends and relatives to death. They are not ever coming back, and that has caused unbearable pain to me and to others. Do you want to cause pain to others by leaving them? If so, you need to find better ways of coping with your feelings.
Some psychiatrists define depression as anger towards others that is turned inward on oneself, and they say that suicide is the ultimate act of anger turned on oneself. Perhaps you are really angry about something, but instead of expressing it in a more effective way (verbally or creatively, through art or music), you are turning your anger on yourself.
Ending your life would inflict horrific pain on those who love you. Do you want to do that? And what about your dog? Who would walk your dog if you weren't around? Who would feed him and pet him and love him? I believe that suicide is the most unimaginative, un-creative, foolish, cowardly and cruel method of dealing with one's problems.
Please read my post in the thread towards the top of the page (the thread that began with your discussion of where you sleep, etc.). I gave you some good suggestions. I wrote that post when I was very tired and feeling pretty awful myself, and you didn't even respond to my post.
Start tackling your circadian rhythm problems by forcing yourself to get up an hour earlier every few days. And talk to your doctor about your medication regimen. Perhaps your meds need an adjustment. I know you have delayed sleep phase syndrome. So do I. I know it's very difficult to change that pattern, but you can change it a bit. True, those of us who have this problem will probably never adjust well to a 9-5 type job, but you can fit in somewhere, even if it's second shift or something similar. You need to force yourself to get up a bit earlier. Do it gradually. You need to be around real live people a little bit each day and not just the people you see on TV or people you write to online.
Now that the days are getting shorter, it is even more imperative for you to be awake during most of the day. Don't give into the sleep schedule you discussed above. You need to get some sunlight. You need to buy a lightbox. You have to exercise, even if it's just walking your dog WHEN IT'S LIGHT OUT. We know you'll never be a "morning person" or a "lark," but you can't be a vampire either. Lately, you've been behaving like Dracula, sleeping all day, and emerging from hiding only after the sun goes down. Don't give into that. Coping with delayed sleep phase syndrome isn't easy, but the way you've been dealing with it lately is actually making it worse, and it's making you more depressed.
Please read some of the suggestions I wrote in that thread above, and please pay heed to the suggestions that others have given you.
I hope you feel better soon.
Posted by TexasChic on October 8, 2005, at 8:14:15
In reply to Re: I really want to end my life » TexasChic, posted by jerrympls on October 7, 2005, at 21:20:11
Sorry, I was mixing you up with rjlockhart98. I don't know why. Well, I was pretty drunk last night. That might explain it.
So what's your diagnosis?
Posted by jerrympls on October 8, 2005, at 10:02:23
In reply to Hey, Jerrympls, yoo-hoo, posted by Sarah T. on October 8, 2005, at 1:14:08
> Hello Jerry,
>
> I don't like your ideas about wanting to end your life. Suicide is such a cop-out. What an un-imaginative, un-inspired way of dealing with the s**t that life has thrown your way!
>
> Nearly all of us here on PB have felt the way you have been feeling lately. I have felt that way many times, but I know that once I'm gone, I'm going to be gone for a long, long time. Forever. Do you have any concept of what that means? Are your parents alive? Have you ever lost anyone to death? I've lost both my parents and many friends and relatives to death. They are not ever coming back, and that has caused unbearable pain to me and to others. Do you want to cause pain to others by leaving them? If so, you need to find better ways of coping with your feelings.
>
> Some psychiatrists define depression as anger towards others that is turned inward on oneself, and they say that suicide is the ultimate act of anger turned on oneself. Perhaps you are really angry about something, but instead of expressing it in a more effective way (verbally or creatively, through art or music), you are turning your anger on yourself.
>
> Ending your life would inflict horrific pain on those who love you. Do you want to do that? And what about your dog? Who would walk your dog if you weren't around? Who would feed him and pet him and love him? I believe that suicide is the most unimaginative, un-creative, foolish, cowardly and cruel method of dealing with one's problems.
>
> Please read my post in the thread towards the top of the page (the thread that began with your discussion of where you sleep, etc.). I gave you some good suggestions. I wrote that post when I was very tired and feeling pretty awful myself, and you didn't even respond to my post.
>
> Start tackling your circadian rhythm problems by forcing yourself to get up an hour earlier every few days. And talk to your doctor about your medication regimen. Perhaps your meds need an adjustment. I know you have delayed sleep phase syndrome. So do I. I know it's very difficult to change that pattern, but you can change it a bit. True, those of us who have this problem will probably never adjust well to a 9-5 type job, but you can fit in somewhere, even if it's second shift or something similar. You need to force yourself to get up a bit earlier. Do it gradually. You need to be around real live people a little bit each day and not just the people you see on TV or people you write to online.
>
> Now that the days are getting shorter, it is even more imperative for you to be awake during most of the day. Don't give into the sleep schedule you discussed above. You need to get some sunlight. You need to buy a lightbox. You have to exercise, even if it's just walking your dog WHEN IT'S LIGHT OUT. We know you'll never be a "morning person" or a "lark," but you can't be a vampire either. Lately, you've been behaving like Dracula, sleeping all day, and emerging from hiding only after the sun goes down. Don't give into that. Coping with delayed sleep phase syndrome isn't easy, but the way you've been dealing with it lately is actually making it worse, and it's making you more depressed.
>
> Please read some of the suggestions I wrote in that thread above, and please pay heed to the suggestions that others have given you.
>
> I hope you feel better soon.
>
>
>
>Yeah, suicide is selfish, cruel and unimaginitive - it's the nature of the beast. So - by killing myself I'm hurting my friends and family - but what about that when I call my mother in need of support and she says "I don't want to hear about it." Or when I email friends and they don't write back - or return calls? Why should I live in unbearable pain for that? Of course I'm angry about stuff - I've been in therapy for at least a decade and have learned a lot about myself. But depression doesn't care - and when it strikes - and strikes really hard, it's damn near laughable to hold on for people who ignore me and ignore the unbearable PAIN THAT I AM IN.
Maybe if I had parents who would call just to see how I was holding up - or had friends who REALLY cared about my health I'd think twice about hurting myself and them - but right now that's not the situation and I can't make them be supportive.
I appreciate your suggestions and am so very sorry I didn't respond to your exact post - but the "tough love" stuff *really* does not work for me - and in fact it works against me - as my therapist could tell you.
In the past I've gotten "a talkin' to" compared to what you said above followed by months of being ignored. So is that next? Everyone gonna ignore me? Well, I'm used to it.
THanks
Jerry
Posted by gardenergirl on October 8, 2005, at 17:38:01
In reply to Re: Hey, Jerrympls, yoo-hoo » Sarah T., posted by jerrympls on October 8, 2005, at 10:02:23
What does help, jerry?
Thinking of you...
gg
Posted by Sarah T. on October 8, 2005, at 21:07:17
In reply to Re: Hey, Jerrympls, yoo-hoo » jerrympls, posted by gardenergirl on October 8, 2005, at 17:38:01
Hi Jerry and GG,
GG, that's a good question. . . What does help you, Jerry?
What about your music? Are you playing any music these days?
When you stay up late at night to watch TV, what do you like to watch? Comedy? Old movies?
What kind of dog do you have? Have you ever seen the movie "BEST IN SHOW" ?
Is there anything that pulls you out of your depression? Has there been a time in recent years when you were relatively happy?
Posted by justyourlaugh on October 9, 2005, at 0:46:07
In reply to Hey, Jerrympls, yoo-hoo, posted by Sarah T. on October 8, 2005, at 1:14:08
hi sarah...
i think most pdoc difine depression as a ssri depletion in the brain..?
i am thinking jerry is expressing him(her)self in an effictive way..is writting not an art?
jerry needs to be heard and understood..not judged...not repremanded..and not passed the guilt basket...
people with coping skills..great joys..no hate..have mental illness too...
Posted by Sarah T. on October 9, 2005, at 2:35:59
In reply to Re: Hey, Jerrympls, yoo-hoo » Sarah T., posted by justyourlaugh on October 9, 2005, at 0:46:07
Hello jyl.
No, most pdocs do NOT define depression as ssri depletion in the brain. SSRI is an acronym for a class of drugs known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. Depression is NOT depletion of ssri's in the brain.
As for your other comments, they also appear to reflect confusion as well as misreading and misunderstanding of me and my posts.
Posted by justyourlaugh on October 9, 2005, at 10:19:59
In reply to Re: Hey, Jerrympls, yoo-hoo » justyourlaugh, posted by Sarah T. on October 9, 2005, at 2:35:59
sorry the word i was looking for is serotonin..
not ssri..silly me..
yes, perhaps i missunderstood your post.
i hope jerry heard you loud and clear..
j
Posted by wildcard on October 9, 2005, at 12:37:24
In reply to Re: Hey, Jerrympls, yoo-hoo » Sarah T., posted by justyourlaugh on October 9, 2005, at 0:46:07
>i am thinking jerry is expressing him(her)self in an effictive way..is writting not an art?
I agree that it is both ways, as long as no one feels chastised.
>jerry needs to be heard and understood..not judged...not repremanded..and not passed the guilt basket...
Well said!
>jerry needs to be heard and understoodI feel that jerry was seeking help/support. The way your comments *could* have been taken may have led jerry to feel unsupported by the manner in which the situation was approached. He expressed how he felt very *adamantly*
>people with coping skills..great joys..no hate..have mental illness too...
Very true!
Posted by TexasChic on October 9, 2005, at 17:09:45
In reply to Re: I really want to end my life, posted by TexasChic on October 8, 2005, at 8:14:15
I feel really bad because I was drunk and mixed you up with someone else. Expecially on such a serious subject. I hope you don't think I was taking you lightly, because I wasn't. I know what it feels like to be in the depths of depression... only too well.
Posted by Phillipa on October 9, 2005, at 18:07:13
In reply to sarah...error, posted by justyourlaugh on October 9, 2005, at 10:19:59
Hi jyl, glad to see you posting again. And your mistake is made by many. I always pictured SSRI's the serotonin like little space ships landing in the synapse and staying longer than usual and then exiting the site. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by lynn970 on October 10, 2005, at 6:09:09
In reply to I really want to end my life, posted by jerrympls on October 7, 2005, at 9:37:11
I have been thinking about you and praying for you. Are you feeling better?
(((jerrympls)))
Posted by jerrympls on October 13, 2005, at 6:50:20
In reply to Re: How are you feeling? » jerrympls, posted by lynn970 on October 10, 2005, at 6:09:09
> I have been thinking about you and praying for you. Are you feeling better?
>
> (((jerrympls)))HI...slightly better. it's still v ery hard.
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