Posted by Sarah T. on October 8, 2005, at 1:14:08
In reply to I really want to end my life, posted by jerrympls on October 7, 2005, at 9:37:11
Hello Jerry,
I don't like your ideas about wanting to end your life. Suicide is such a cop-out. What an un-imaginative, un-inspired way of dealing with the s**t that life has thrown your way!
Nearly all of us here on PB have felt the way you have been feeling lately. I have felt that way many times, but I know that once I'm gone, I'm going to be gone for a long, long time. Forever. Do you have any concept of what that means? Are your parents alive? Have you ever lost anyone to death? I've lost both my parents and many friends and relatives to death. They are not ever coming back, and that has caused unbearable pain to me and to others. Do you want to cause pain to others by leaving them? If so, you need to find better ways of coping with your feelings.
Some psychiatrists define depression as anger towards others that is turned inward on oneself, and they say that suicide is the ultimate act of anger turned on oneself. Perhaps you are really angry about something, but instead of expressing it in a more effective way (verbally or creatively, through art or music), you are turning your anger on yourself.
Ending your life would inflict horrific pain on those who love you. Do you want to do that? And what about your dog? Who would walk your dog if you weren't around? Who would feed him and pet him and love him? I believe that suicide is the most unimaginative, un-creative, foolish, cowardly and cruel method of dealing with one's problems.
Please read my post in the thread towards the top of the page (the thread that began with your discussion of where you sleep, etc.). I gave you some good suggestions. I wrote that post when I was very tired and feeling pretty awful myself, and you didn't even respond to my post.
Start tackling your circadian rhythm problems by forcing yourself to get up an hour earlier every few days. And talk to your doctor about your medication regimen. Perhaps your meds need an adjustment. I know you have delayed sleep phase syndrome. So do I. I know it's very difficult to change that pattern, but you can change it a bit. True, those of us who have this problem will probably never adjust well to a 9-5 type job, but you can fit in somewhere, even if it's second shift or something similar. You need to force yourself to get up a bit earlier. Do it gradually. You need to be around real live people a little bit each day and not just the people you see on TV or people you write to online.
Now that the days are getting shorter, it is even more imperative for you to be awake during most of the day. Don't give into the sleep schedule you discussed above. You need to get some sunlight. You need to buy a lightbox. You have to exercise, even if it's just walking your dog WHEN IT'S LIGHT OUT. We know you'll never be a "morning person" or a "lark," but you can't be a vampire either. Lately, you've been behaving like Dracula, sleeping all day, and emerging from hiding only after the sun goes down. Don't give into that. Coping with delayed sleep phase syndrome isn't easy, but the way you've been dealing with it lately is actually making it worse, and it's making you more depressed.
Please read some of the suggestions I wrote in that thread above, and please pay heed to the suggestions that others have given you.
I hope you feel better soon.
poster:Sarah T.
thread:564009
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051007/msgs/564362.html