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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Larry Hoover on June 6, 2005, at 10:44:39
I strongly believe in doing that....acting as if things are as you wish they might be....not giving in to fears....not succumbing to negative expectations....not letting minor setbacks project forwards as major calamities.
I've run out of juice.
I'm not depressed.
I'm exhausted.
I've just been crying for a good while. I needed to.
I'm in such a bureaucratic mess with Worker's Comp. And disability. And pain. I'm in constant pain. Waiting months and months and months for surgery. It's not going to be fun, the surgery, either, when it does come. Soon, they tell me. But I still don't know when.
I've been forced back to work, and I just can't do it at the level they expect. The med side effects are brutal. I just started Topomax, after going off Neurontin. How the hell is anyone supposed to function on this sh*t? I'm taking it for pain? I really can't take more Percocet than I am.
I've coped the best I can. But I need a break. Maybe I just need to *say* I need a break.
Later, all.
Lar
Posted by Bobby on June 6, 2005, at 10:52:02
In reply to Acting as if, posted by Larry Hoover on June 6, 2005, at 10:44:39
Hi Lar,
You deserve a break. you offer so much to people here through your tireless efforts to inform people about well----anything(including tarts). I get the feeling that you do the same in real life. Sending good vibes.
Bobbyp.s. I'm dealing with Percocets too with this kidney stone.
Posted by TamaraJ on June 6, 2005, at 11:02:35
In reply to Acting as if, posted by Larry Hoover on June 6, 2005, at 10:44:39
(((Larry)))
Yes, "acting as if" can be good, and it can, at times, sustain us and carry us through some difficult times and the MINOR setbacks. However, I have learned in the past number of months, that our bodies and our minds just don't often agree (if that makes sense). At some point, the body tells the mind to "get f*cked" with all this "acting as if" stuff, and let's us know that in no uncertain terms. It's no wonder you have run out of juice - living in constant pain, trying to adjust to new meds to deal with the pain, living with uncertainty as to when you will get the surgery you need, and anticipating the recovery that will follow the surgery. You may not be depressed, but that is, IMO, a heavy load to be carrying. Crying helps, I have come to realise, that, yes it does help. It's cleansing, I think. I am sorry that you are having to deal with bureaucratic bullsh*t. That sucks big time. I don't know what to say or suggest. If you feel you might be heading for, or are already in the throes of, a burn-out, both physical and mental, can you not see a pdoc to have a secondary diagnosis of mental fatigue that, at this time, results in your not being capable of working?
I am so sorry you are going through this. Bad things should not happen to good people. And, Larry, you are good people.
My thoughts are with you, and I am sending lots of strength and healing thoughts your way. I wish there were more that I could do.
Tamara
Posted by partlycloudy on June 6, 2005, at 11:11:28
In reply to Acting as if, posted by Larry Hoover on June 6, 2005, at 10:44:39
(((Larry))) - here, of all places, you at least don't have to act as if you're OK. That is small comfort for someone in obvious pain as you are, but you can let it all out. You give of yourself so very much, please let us give back when you need it, eh?
I know I couldn't hack acting as if everything was OK with me at work. The sick leave last year helped (but not enough). When things headed south a second time I knew the jig was up and that I had to just quit working entirely.
pc
Posted by Deneb on June 6, 2005, at 11:18:03
In reply to Acting as if, posted by Larry Hoover on June 6, 2005, at 10:44:39
Hey Lar,
Sorry things are not going so well for you. You've been so helpful to me, I wish I could be just as helpful to you. You deserve to take a break. You don't always need to sound together here. You deserve to vent too.
:-)jenny
Posted by Dinah on June 6, 2005, at 12:25:46
In reply to Acting as if, posted by Larry Hoover on June 6, 2005, at 10:44:39
You can only "act as if" for so long, Lar. No matter how strong you are. Eventually something will blow. Why don't you drop the acting as if occasionally on purpose, so that one day it won't drop when you aren't expecting it.
((((Lar))))
I hope you feel better soon.
Posted by Larry Hoover on June 6, 2005, at 13:10:03
In reply to Re: Acting as if » Larry Hoover, posted by Dinah on June 6, 2005, at 12:25:46
> You can only "act as if" for so long, Lar. No matter how strong you are. Eventually something will blow. Why don't you drop the acting as if occasionally on purpose, so that one day it won't drop when you aren't expecting it.
I did tell you. I told others, too, now and again. I just done worn out.
Acting as if is the only way I know of to deal with chronic pain.
I appreciate the supportive words. I do. (From everybody.) I think I just wish I had somebody's arms to cry myself to sleep in.
>
> ((((Lar))))
>
> I hope you feel better soon.Thanks.
I'm shutting off now. I've got computer problems too. I think I opened a bad email. I know better. But right now, I don't know better.
Lar
Posted by jay on June 6, 2005, at 14:04:55
In reply to Acting as if, posted by Larry Hoover on June 6, 2005, at 10:44:39
Hey Lar....
Aww man I really feel for you bud. The bureaucratic mess known as 'Workers Comp' here in Ontario is bloody joke. The Liberals promised they would clean it up and speed it up, but nothing has changed.(The more things stay the same...the more things stay the same..blah blah..heh.) Do you by any chance have access to a good lawyer, or when you get the strength, taking this to your MPP? A friend of mine in Nova Scotia was stuck in a bind with their Worker's Comp, and he went straight to the media, MPP, all of that, and ended up speeding up what he needed, getting fully reimbursed, and the newspapers made Worker's Comp look like a bunch of incompetent jerks.
In going back to work, can't you get a note from your doctor saying your disability prevents you from being able to do certain things? They can't make you do something you are disabled to do.
About your meds...here is something I learnt when I had to have dental surgery. Add a few Gravol tablets to your Percocet, and it makes the Percocet more potent. You probably know that...just thought I'd mention it. I know Topomax is a crappy drug with it's side effects...can you take the biggest dose at bedtime? Are you/can you take(ing) a.d.'s that help pain? I have also found a full dose of a herbal remedy, Passion Flower, is good for pain. Seriously...it REALLY works.
You definitely need a break....see if you can get a bit more time off work. They must accommodate you if you have a disability.
I know what I (and others) write is easier said then done, and being so fatigued from your illness and pain makes it 100000 times worse. Take it day by day...try to make a bit more noise and hopefully they will listen. All the power to you...and remember these bad times are not permanent.
Best wishes....in my thoughts..
Jay
Posted by caraher on June 6, 2005, at 14:32:22
In reply to Re: Acting as if » Larry Hoover, posted by jay on June 6, 2005, at 14:04:55
Hey Larry... sorry to hear you're worn out. You've been a great friend to so many folks here and you're obviously a very smart guy, but you're so much more than just brains. I hope things turn around for you soon!
Posted by MidnightBlue on June 6, 2005, at 15:24:20
In reply to Acting as if, posted by Larry Hoover on June 6, 2005, at 10:44:39
Larry,
You really don't have to act with us. You sound like such a smart, funny, compassionate man. And a good cook, too! If you don't mind, I will pray that God brings someone special into your life. You deserve it!
Thank you for all your help.
MidnightBlue
Posted by KaraS on June 6, 2005, at 15:58:08
In reply to Acting as if, posted by Larry Hoover on June 6, 2005, at 10:44:39
Lar,
I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle now. I know that you're not "acting as if" to put on a show for our sake. You're "acting as if" because it's the only thing that helps you cope right now (besides crying which is a great release). Maybe trying to get word out to the media could help as Jay suggested. No one should have to suffer like you are for so long when there exists a solution. I guess the Canadian health care system is as flawed as the American one - just in different ways.
Wish I could do more but for now this will have to do. (((((Lar)))))
K
Posted by Damos on June 6, 2005, at 17:17:46
In reply to Acting as if, posted by Larry Hoover on June 6, 2005, at 10:44:39
Hey Lar,
Sending anaesthetic & analgesic thoughts your way mate. Chronic pain sux, but when it's coupled with the pain of dealing with bureaucracy, that's truly adding insult to injury.
Mate you're suck a rock for many of us. Feel free to lean on me as much as you need to. I know it's not the done manly thing, but there are times my friend when a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. So here's one one of your bear hugs back at you.
{{{Lar}}}
Okay enough, people will talk. Take care brother.
Posted by Tamar on June 6, 2005, at 17:35:10
In reply to Acting as if, posted by Larry Hoover on June 6, 2005, at 10:44:39
I wish I had answers for you, but I just don't know what to say. Except: I'm thinking of you and I hope things will begin to get better soon.
Take care, Larry.
Tamar
Posted by Susan47 on June 6, 2005, at 18:55:02
In reply to Re: Acting as if » Dinah, posted by Larry Hoover on June 6, 2005, at 13:10:03
(((((Larry Hoover))))) ((((((((((((Larry)))))))))))))
Posted by JenStar on June 6, 2005, at 19:05:21
In reply to Acting as if, posted by Larry Hoover on June 6, 2005, at 10:44:39
Larry,
I'm sorry things are so rough right now. I wish I could help over the web...I'm sending you my virtual support & well wishes!It must suck to wait for a surgery. I would hate it. I wish it could be otherwise, or that you can at least get it over with soon!
((((Larry))))
take care!
JenStar
Posted by Larry Hoover on June 7, 2005, at 15:55:49
In reply to Acting as if, posted by Larry Hoover on June 6, 2005, at 10:44:39
Feels good to have you hold me in your hearts like that.
Sometimes it's just that you need to be heard.
My doctor gave me the week off, offically. We'll just have to see what Worker's Comp thinks about that. Screw them, is what I say. I'm resting.
Lar
Posted by ed_uk on June 7, 2005, at 15:58:07
In reply to Thanks everybody, posted by Larry Hoover on June 7, 2005, at 15:55:49
>I'm resting.
You deserve it :-)
Ed.
Posted by Jai Narayan on June 7, 2005, at 22:08:50
In reply to Thanks everybody, posted by Larry Hoover on June 7, 2005, at 15:55:49
Oh Larry, I am so sorry you are so distraught.
it pains me to see you in such pain.
please keep in touch.
Jai
This is the end of the thread.
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