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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on June 13, 2003, at 10:58:38
down to where I don't want to be.
It's been happening slowly enough over the past month and a half. I know myself well enough to know that except for three bouts of major depression in my life, my moods are transient, and rarely last more than a couple of weeks. I keep hoping to outlast this.
But I'm getting less productive, taking more involuntary naps, having increasing self injury urges without the normal triggers, early morning insomnia, thoughts of jumping early in the morning mostly.
I don't know how long to try to last this out. Should I try the Seroquel? My moods lift temporarily from time to time. I don't want to go back on Luvox. Luvox kills off who I really am. I keep thinking this will go away on its own.
I hurt and I don't know what to do about it.
Posted by whiterabbit on June 13, 2003, at 11:32:16
In reply to Slipping and sliding, posted by Dinah on June 13, 2003, at 10:58:38
Hullo Dinah, I'm the Seroquel poster child. I've been taking it for quite awhile now and it's been extremely helpful for me. But I don't know what your diagnosis and symptoms are...it doesn't matter if you've told me 158 times in the past, I wouldn't remember. I can't help it, I have ADD.
That's my new excuse for everything, I love it.Seriously now, Seroquel helped level out the mood swings, high anxiety and insomnia that was ruining my life, and that was a very big first step. However I was still feeling pretty "flat" and lifeless until I started taking Paxil, and
that helped clean up the depression. Neither of these drugs would be enough on their own but together they worked wonders...it didn't happen fast but it did happen, glory hallalujah.
-Gracie
Posted by judy1 on June 13, 2003, at 11:38:46
In reply to Slipping and sliding, posted by Dinah on June 13, 2003, at 10:58:38
I'm really sorry Dinah, but not too surprised. I could sense something was wrong with some of your posts lately- you just seem sad. Are you sure you don't recognize any triggers? How is the weather where you are (sounds stupid, but we had 12 straight days of no sun, in SoCal they call it 'June Gloom', and it's really depressing). Any med changes recently? Does seroquel really help? If anxiety is a big part of this, I find xanax not only helps the anxiety but is a mood lifter for me. Anything physical- PMS? perimenopause? thyroid? I could probably go on and on :-). Try to do something really nice for yourself- a movie, a manicure, whatever brightens your day. Take care of yourself, judy
Posted by Dinah on June 13, 2003, at 11:59:00
In reply to Re: Slipping and sliding, posted by whiterabbit on June 13, 2003, at 11:32:16
I'm glad it worked for you, and that you're feeling better.
I don't know my diagnosis, really. I have OCD, but that's not a major problem for me right now. My pdoc who doesn't believe in diagnosis put the code for cyclothymia on my insurance receipt.
I'm only supposed to take the Seroquel on an as needed basis, because of my diabetes. It's hard to figure out when I should decide I need it. I'm also a bit worried about it because they say Seroquel is sedating. I was on Risperdal on an as needed basis, and liked it because it was energizing as well as organizing.
Isn't it nice to have a built in excuse? I've been using my diabetes to explain away my sleeping attacks. But I don't think that is the reason for them. :(
Posted by Dinah on June 13, 2003, at 12:06:44
In reply to Re: Slipping and sliding » Dinah, posted by judy1 on June 13, 2003, at 11:38:46
Hi Judy,
There are some general stressors. My diabetes diagnosis and some severe monetary problems. Or rather, I've been having severe monetary problems caused by overspending sprees and finally decided to take control by consolidating the debt into a regular loan and tearing up the credit cards. That puts me on a pretty strict budget. And I'm not good at being good about money.
But usually strong self injury urges in me are triggered by rage or anger, and I'm not aware of feeling rage before getting the urges. And I'm also feeling those familiar feelings that my family would be better off without me. It's been a while for those.
It's really interesting to me that you could see this in my posts lately. My husband keeps asking me (several times a day actually) if I'm ok. It must be more noticeable than I thought. I don't *think* I feel the increasing brittleness that precedes a meltdown. I'll keep an eye on myself.
I'm off to see my therapist. That's the good thing I do for myself.
Thanks Judy.
Posted by shar on June 13, 2003, at 14:33:10
In reply to Re: Slipping and sliding » judy1, posted by Dinah on June 13, 2003, at 12:06:44
> My husband keeps asking me (several times a day actually) if I'm ok..........I hope someday really soon you'll say "no" because that's how we get support, love, caring, oppennes within ourselves, etc.
Shar
Posted by Dinah on June 13, 2003, at 20:02:00
In reply to Re: Slipping and sliding » Dinah, posted by shar on June 13, 2003, at 14:33:10
>
> > My husband keeps asking me (several times a day actually) if I'm ok.
>
> .........I hope someday really soon you'll say "no" because that's how we get support, love, caring, oppennes within ourselves, etc.
>
> SharMy husband is a wonderful man. But boy, can he overreact. If I told him half of the truth, he'd be afraid to leave me alone, or with my son. He doesn't get the difference between ideation and intent.
Talking to my therapist helped though. He didn't overreact. Just asked me to get the razor blades out of the house, which seems reasonable to me, even if I do have no intention of using them.
Posted by Dinah on June 13, 2003, at 20:02:32
In reply to Re: Slipping and sliding » Dinah, posted by shar on June 13, 2003, at 14:33:10
Posted by Snoozy on June 13, 2003, at 21:51:56
In reply to Re: Slipping and sliding, posted by Dinah on June 13, 2003, at 20:02:00
> Talking to my therapist helped though. He didn't overreact. Just asked me to get the razor blades out of the house, which seems reasonable to me, even if I do have no intention of using them.
Yes, that is an absolutely great idea to get those things out of the house! Way too tempting sometimes. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. This may be evidence of how sick my mind is, but I try to use those self injury impulses to motivate me to exercise. I better explain.... I have some free weights, and I think about how muscle is built - by causing very small tears in the muscle, which then becomes thicker as it heals. Instead of cutting, I try to think of those little tears that I can cause if I use the weights. Sometimes it works.Exercise as the ultimate self-punishment! lol
I hope you're safe.
Posted by shar on June 13, 2003, at 22:18:54
In reply to Re: Slipping and sliding, posted by Dinah on June 13, 2003, at 20:02:00
Dinah,
You are a slippery one. There is no 'one right way.' Maybe instead of saying, no I'm not ok, you could say, well, this has not been one of the greatest days of my life, or something else tailored to a truth he (your spouse) can understand. That is, letting him know you're not great, and you'll take a little sympathy and support if that's what he's offering.And, that's just an example. You know how to phrase something that means "yes, I could use a little tenderness" without freaking the person (spouse, relative, friend, or other non-professional) out. And, I'm saying that's what many of us need to be doing (sharing) instead of isolating--this last bit not meant only for you, Dinah, but for me, and many others here.
Shar
> My husband is a wonderful man. But boy, can he overreact. If I told him half of the truth, he'd be afraid to leave me alone, or with my son. He doesn't get the difference between ideation and intent.
>
> Talking to my therapist helped though. He didn't overreact. Just asked me to get the razor blades out of the house, which seems reasonable to me, even if I do have no intention of using them.
>
>
Posted by Dinah on June 13, 2003, at 22:35:12
In reply to Re: Slipping and sliding » Dinah, posted by shar on June 13, 2003, at 22:18:54
Slippery I am. :)
You're right. As long as I'm careful, I can ask for (and get) tenderness. He's been holding me every night to sleep and then in the middle of the night when I wake up. And the dear man has been bringing home the most awful tasting but tempting looking healthy foods (that he'll even eat if I won't) without saying a word urging me to eat them.
I do have a tendency to try to downplay these things and isolate myself. I haven't been answering my email at all well (sorry everyone). And I've been sleeping instead of interacting. I'll try to change that a bit.
Thanks Shar. (And sorry for being perverse.)
Posted by Dinah on June 13, 2003, at 22:36:21
In reply to Re: Slipping and sliding » Dinah, posted by Snoozy on June 13, 2003, at 21:51:56
Chuckle. I don't even think that enticement could get me to exercise! I'm a hard case.
But the razors are out in the trash at the curb. I'm safe.
Posted by fallsfall on June 13, 2003, at 23:51:33
In reply to Slipping and sliding, posted by Dinah on June 13, 2003, at 10:58:38
It is so frustrating to know that you are going down, and not know what to do about it. I have control issues and that makes me feel really out of control.
Did your therapist have any other good advice for you? (Removing razor blades sounds really helpful) I tend to get overwhelmed when things are bad, so it helps me to only do the really critical things (and then redefine "critical"). Relaxing (and not feeling guilty about doing that) is really important to me.
Be good to yourself.
When do you see your p-doc next?
Posted by Dinah on June 14, 2003, at 2:52:42
In reply to Re: Slipping and sliding » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on June 13, 2003, at 23:51:33
He didn't have advice exactly. I had just very gently blessed him out for handing me too much advice the week before, when what I really needed was to be heard. But he listened and asked how he could best be of help. He agreed that it was best that he know so he could help me monitor how I'm doing and wants me to keep him informed. He covered his rear by asking about intent. :) We talked about the stressors in my life that might have brought it on. And I told him that I was hoping that it would pass, like so many of my moods do. As I said, he took it calmly and didn't overreact. Which was what I needed.
We spent more time talking about adjusting to the losses. And about how the anger at those losses might be the trigger I thought I was missing for the SI urges.
My next pdoc appointment is in mid-July. By that time I should have a better idea about whether this is just another of my moods, or a genuine slide into one of my infrequent bouts of depression. My therapist understands just how much I lose with SSRI's and why I am reluctant to go back on them. (Four years without orgasms alone is enough to make me want to wait out the depression without meds if possible.)
I guess he helped me find a bit of that control rather than watching helplessly as it happened.
But I do wish the world would slow down a bit. Work keeps piling up even though I find it hard to stay awake more than a few hours at a time.
This is the end of the thread.
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