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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by m3 on February 27, 2002, at 10:06:09
So I've had an ongoing episode of major depression for the past couple of years, plus some untreated times before that, and I've gotten used to the symptoms I get, like compulsive sleeping, anhedonia, etc. I've always been "high-functioning", meaning I was more or less able to take care of my physical needs (minus a few meals and showers). But starting a couple of days ago I've got whole new issues, which I am finding terrifying. Terror is actually also the problem: I feel like my physical sense of space and sound has changed--everything familiar is subtly different and no longer reassuring. There aren't any places I feel safe, except for my bedroom, which also becomes scary if no one else is home.I have had two waves of this, Sunday night and Monday night (feeling somewhat better now). When I was in them, I didn't really have a solid sense of something that I was afraid of. It's just generalized dread. It does seem to be tied to place--sometimes I'm worried I won't be able to find my way back if I walk somewhere, sometimes I'm worried I'll get lost in a "bad" neighborhood or that I'll do something to attract attention to myself (and my inability to defend myself) in a public place.
Despite these fears, I managed to get myself to my therapist appt. on Monday night; she said it sounded like a "classic dissociative episode" but didn't seem to think much could be done about it. She did suggest getting people lined up to take care of me so they'd be ready for my call if I got another wave of fear. She also said I should page my pdoc. I was a little apprehensive about that, partly because because I was going to see him today anyway, but she said it would be okay.
So after I called my roommate to bring me home (BART, local public transit, had gotten too scary in the meantime), I paged him. I was still freaked out about doing it--me, an ordinary mortal, paging a doctor!--so he had to calm me down a little before he could try to help. I told him my current medication combo (transitioning btw Effexor and Serzone), and he said he didn't know what was going on either, but he would call in a rx for Zyprexa, an antipsychotic. He said that it would likely knock me out. So I got my sainted roommate to take me to the 24-hr drugstore, took the Zyprexa plus my other meds, and slept for 17 hours.
I did feel more lucid when I woke up. I called my T and my pdoc, who had asked me to give them updates, and my girlfriend, whom I'd left an incoherent msg. I spent the evening at home. And now here I am...wondering what the f*&k just happened, and how long I will have to deal with it. Did I mention it's really scary? sigh. Well, that's my rant. If anyone has had something like this happen to them and has lived through it, please feel free to write and reassure. :}
m3
Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2002, at 10:13:40
In reply to well this is new (dissociating) (long), posted by m3 on February 27, 2002, at 10:06:09
I haven't had anything that sounds exactly like that, but I have had similar experiences. They are frightening aren't they?
The oddest of my similar experiences occurred while simultaneously withdrawing from a high dose of Luvox, and small doses of Depakote and Klonopin. My perceptions were incredibly distorted, at times I thought I was actually entering some sort of psychotic state or at least a seizure of some sort.
You might try posting this on the medications board, since it might well have something to do with your medication transitioning.
In the meantime, take care of yourself.
Dinah
Posted by trouble on February 28, 2002, at 15:30:47
In reply to Re: well this is new (dissociating) (long) » m3, posted by Dinah on February 27, 2002, at 10:13:40
Yes, I think I experienced something similar during a period of time in therapy where we were dealing w/ my childhood. I saw the T 3x a week, and when I'd leave the office and go back out in the world I'd be gripped w/ terror. It happened in public, in restaurants and libraries, I'd crouch and cower and cry, and when people talked to me I'd tell them how small and scared I felt. It was very confusing and just off the charts. Besides dissociative, I think the words my therapist used were depersonalization and derealization.
Anyway, he was most proactive about these episodes, and gave me a list of things to do when they started and the first thing to do was: Call Him. He'd take it very seriously, immediately get down to business, and we'd talk for about 10 minutes and afterwards I'd still be non-functional but way less scared than I was before. If not for his care during these months I believe I'd have been hospitalized. He seemed determined to keep that from happening and today I'm grateful. He was another in a long line of PhD students I saw who acted like they were accountable for every word. You don't always find that dedication in the open marketplace.
I am concerned about your therapist's attitude, it seems dismissive. Does s/he have any idea what's going on here? I've been trying to remember my T's list of steps so I could give them to you but I believe the only step that mattered was that phone call. I needed someone calm and quick-witted who knew what was going on to explain and talk me through it, I mean it's not exactly a paper cut, it's a total shut down. I think you could be in danger of hurting yourself in that state, not necessarily on purpose but I used to walk in traffic, I was too preoccupied w/ my fear to pay attention.
IMO something most assuredly can be done to alleviate your terror and it's on your therapist to provide it. S/he should perceive these experiences as a possible symptom of something psychological, particularly unresolved trauma. Sending you to your pdoc may have been wise in the moment, and the meds did help you to sleep. But I'm w/ you, what the f&*k was that all about? It sounds like a matter for intensive therapy, and I hope to heaven s/he's up to it.
Stay in touch-trouble
Posted by Zo on March 4, 2002, at 19:49:48
In reply to well this is new (dissociating) (long), posted by m3 on February 27, 2002, at 10:06:09
BART. Hmm, I know where you are. And we are some kind of neighbors. I hope you are okay by now. . I screwed up my password for a week.
Zo
Posted by Zo on March 4, 2002, at 19:54:45
In reply to Re: well this is new (dissociating) (long), posted by trouble on February 28, 2002, at 15:30:47
>He was another in a long line of PhD students I saw who acted like they were accountable for every word. You don't always find that dedication in the open marketplace.
> I mean it's not exactly a paper cut
Thanks, trouble. The whole post was really great. . .I can only tattoo so much.
Zo
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