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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by 10derHeart on December 3, 2008, at 16:29:08
It has been 7 months AND, strangely (this is spooky but neat) when I see him in his office Monday, it will be 4 years to the day since we met. Anniversary :-)
I am going back to visit where I used to live for about 3 1/2 days. I leave on Saturday morning. First, I will see him at church (afterwards - for a few minutes, a hand shake, etc. - hope I don't cry or act too bizarre...) Sunday morning. Then, and he has cleared two 90 minute times for me on both Mon and Tuesday. (I find that amazing with his packed schedule of clients)
I will see one old friend who just moved to the area, but it would be false for me to pretend I planned the trip for any other reason than to see him. Nearly all the people I used to know from my own church have moved away (military chapel)
and those left I don't know well. No other friends or family back there.I'm not sure why I'm posting this, except that it feels crazy to keep something that is such a huge deal to me, to myself.
I don't know what to feel.
Excited, scared, nervous, foolish for putting myself through this... (probably not a feeling) as I know the grief of parting will be so painful - again :-( But I have decided to bear that because it is worth it to spend time with him and deal with some things.
We are going to do our best to discuss this long distance, free therapy he has been so kindly trying to give me. I want it to change, to be formalized so I pay him and we schedule regular phone calls and make some sort of limits or rules about email. Right now, it's not working for me, and he understands that. Without the "contract" of me paying him and me having status as a real client with "my" times, it is causing much confusion and hurt to remind and ask for calls, to wonder if he doesn't answer an email if he's busy, or sick, or mad.... All that and so much more. Like a wise Babble friend said, it's that he's a really nice guy, who cares about me and is trying to give me something he just can't deliver. Squeezing me in between the "real" clients - although he says he never sees it that way. I hope we can come up with something to try. I don't want to lose him.
Nadezda, if you read this, thank you for suggesting to me a while back maybe we could do therapy this way. That idea has been tucked away in my mind as a real possibility since you wrote it, and I really thank you. I had thought of it before I moved, but assumed he's say "no." Now, after you mentioned it and how things are in our mobile and electronically connected society, I'm not so sure. Perhaps he will be very open to suggestions? He is unorthodox and committed to the relationship, and feels it is destructive to limit contact after XXXX [the T. word I don't use] when someone is so attached, like me.
He is really quite wonderful. I can't believe I'm doing this yet. I have missed him so much.
Thanks for listening......
Posted by LadyBug on December 3, 2008, at 16:47:16
In reply to I see my T. again in 4 days!!, posted by 10derHeart on December 3, 2008, at 16:29:08
I'm so excited for you!!! This is great. I wish you a wonderful reunion! Let us know how it goes.
Posted by muffled on December 3, 2008, at 17:45:22
In reply to I see my T. again in 4 days!!, posted by 10derHeart on December 3, 2008, at 16:29:08
Posted by workinprogress on December 3, 2008, at 18:19:18
In reply to I see my T. again in 4 days!!, posted by 10derHeart on December 3, 2008, at 16:29:08
Congrats. That's so awesome, I bet you're so excited. I was excited to see my T today and it had only been the holidays and all the emotion that surrounds them separating us. So, I can so imagine and empathize with the painful yearning you have been experiencing. Good for you for asking for and hopefully getting what you need... the best that might be available given the circumstances at least.
I have a thought. Given this digital age... video chat is not that difficult to do. I haven't done it, but know friends who do. The phone is great, but "seeing" someone is helpful.
Google has video chat. http://mail.google.com/videochat
You would each need a webcam: http://reviews.cnet.com/4566-6502_7-0.html
Hope it is a fabulous reunion!
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 3, 2008, at 18:38:33
In reply to I see my T. again in 4 days!!, posted by 10derHeart on December 3, 2008, at 16:29:08
That's fabulous, 10der. I'm so happy for you. Please, please let me know how the conversation about a more formal arrangement goes. Maybe I can figure out some way to keep in more formal touch with my T after she retires and moves across the state. I know, it's a little different because she's retiring, but maybe we can think outside the box the way you are doing.
I know it will be fabulous to see him again and hard to say goodbye again, too, but I agree with you that it's worth it.
We'll be keeping the light on for you here.
Posted by Dinah on December 3, 2008, at 19:41:12
In reply to I see my T. again in 4 days!!, posted by 10derHeart on December 3, 2008, at 16:29:08
It's hard to believe that two people so obviously committed to making this work can't figure out a way to do it that is good for both of you.
:)
Posted by rskontos on December 3, 2008, at 22:58:44
In reply to I see my T. again in 4 days!!, posted by 10derHeart on December 3, 2008, at 16:29:08
Posted by onceupon on December 4, 2008, at 9:15:50
In reply to I see my T. again in 4 days!!, posted by 10derHeart on December 3, 2008, at 16:29:08
:) What a good feeling. And maybe also scary and overwhelming. Please let us know how it goes!
Posted by DAisym on December 4, 2008, at 11:13:49
In reply to I see my T. again in 4 days!!, posted by 10derHeart on December 3, 2008, at 16:29:08
What a lovely Holiday gift to give yourself. I hope you work out something that feels good to you - I know he is really willing to try. I keep thinking the next Babble book ought to be "Alternatives To Traditional Therapy" - because there are some unique things going on here and they are working.
Just remember that it might take a little bit to settle back down in his office so don't be hard on yourself. And yes, it will be hard to leave again, but you will do so knowing that he didn't disappear before and won't this time.
Have a safe trip.
Posted by lucie lu on December 4, 2008, at 15:28:25
In reply to I see my T. again in 4 days!!, posted by 10derHeart on December 3, 2008, at 16:29:08
Hi 10der,After following your story, so often with tears and hugs and words of encouragement, it is so exciting that you are actually going to see your T again!
Your agenda item sounds very practical - figure out a new frame that will work for both of you. You already have the deep partnership and good will, but therapy also needs to be framed appropriately to be able to work. It will be interesting to see what you decide to try together.
So enjoy, soak it all up. As Daisy points out, don't forget there might be some initial misattunement and awkward closeness - I felt that with my own T just after the T'giving break. But it will pass. I'm so glad (and impressed) that he has reserved such a large chunk of his time for you.
Happy, happy, happy, happy - Snoopy dance!
Lucie :)
Posted by antigua3 on December 4, 2008, at 16:00:45
In reply to I see my T. again in 4 days!!, posted by 10derHeart on December 3, 2008, at 16:29:08
Posted by 10derHeart on December 5, 2008, at 1:38:17
In reply to Re: I see my T. again in 4 days!! » 10derHeart, posted by LadyBug on December 3, 2008, at 16:47:16
Thanks so much...I'm excited for me, too...I think. Meaning I still can't feel it's real yet. It's so odd how the intensity of these relationships colors everything....I mean I've left many places in my life and gone back to visit people once I'd moved. This is not a big deal...but you'd think it was *the biggest thing ever.* Because of transference and other things, it's like a child visiting a beloved parent after separation, or a reuniting of significant others, it feels so important. He gets this, too, and handles it so kindly, though it must freak him out - just a little - deep down.
I know it will be an awesome reunion...it has to be!
I will definitely post something about how it goes.
Posted by 10derHeart on December 5, 2008, at 1:39:49
In reply to :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) (nm) » 10derHeart, posted by muffled on December 3, 2008, at 17:45:22
Whoa, muffy, that's 10 smileys for me!!
That's a bundle. You said it all. Thanks for being here and being you. You [still] rock!!
Posted by 10derHeart on December 5, 2008, at 1:55:09
In reply to Re: I see my T. again in 4 days!! » 10derHeart, posted by workinprogress on December 3, 2008, at 18:19:18
Hi WIP,
What a wonderful post - thanks so much for saying all that and for the links. I've wondered about that and from searching the 'net, there are some people doing therapy that way. You thinking it's feasible and not ridiculous or anything gives me more hope, too.
Lol - in a fantasy world I could maybe sit him down, not allow him to speak and say, "Look, dear T., this is how it is. I don't care that I moved, you are my therapist, our work is not done, and that's that! Now plan to get a webcam and let's take care of setting this up this right now. Period!"
Or something like that. But I think I'll have to go with a bit of a subtler approach {drat!} I just hope I don't freeze and beat around the proverbial bush about precisely what I'm proposing. I tend to do that when I'm afraid of rejection, and this time, I don't have time for that. I really don't want to leave these 2 precious sessions with this huge elephant left...undescribed, so to speak. I think he's guessed, but I haven't come right out and said it - just massive hints about wishing I were paying him and being "second class," and this not working for me in it's present form. But his entire style and way is always to let me lead on everything, so as I've hinted I had something to *say*, he's waited and I've chickened out in my emails and on the phone. I really just wanted to be sitting in a room with him to do this. Now I just can't be too afraid - it's kinda the whole point of the trip.
Yeah, I remember about missing him over holidays or a couple of 2 week vacations....and I thought I couldn't bear it. It's all relative, isn't it? We don't know what we can endure and cope with till...we just do it. Glad you saw your T. today :-)
Posted by 10derHeart on December 5, 2008, at 2:04:08
In reply to Re: I see my T. again in 4 days!! » 10derHeart, posted by TherapyGirl on December 3, 2008, at 18:38:33
Posted by workinprogress on December 5, 2008, at 2:36:50
In reply to Re: I see my T. again in 4 days!! » workinprogress, posted by 10derHeart on December 5, 2008, at 1:55:09
10der. Ok, this is bold... but, it makes it easy for him and can be remedied (financially) if it doesn't work out...
What if you bought each of you a webcam and brought it in? I mean, my T.. the biggest barrier would be her not having/understanding the technology. This way you could address that head on. But, I suppose, you've got two sessions too.. one to bring it up and the other to help him make it happen. Are you pretty technologically savvy? Would you/he be comfortable with web cam?
And... I think it's totally doable. In fact... I don't think I'd move away in general, but having met my T, it's increasingly unlikely. HOWEVER!!! If I were to ever move... webcam would be on the TOP of my list of solutions... WAY before a new T.
Good luck. Enjoy. Try to be yourself... breathe. Feel. Let him in...
Posted by frida on December 5, 2008, at 6:46:12
In reply to Re: I see my T. again in 4 days!! » workinprogress, posted by 10derHeart on December 5, 2008, at 1:55:09
Hi 10derHeart,
I've been reading your posts...Maybe it helps you to know that my T has offered doing T with a webcam and microphone, setting a time, etc..as a session, when I'm having my baby (I'm pregnant) and can't travel to see her. I said yes in a heartbeat.
I think there are alternative ways to continue therapy even if you are far away...Maybe you can discuss this with him
safe hugs,
Frida
Posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2008, at 14:57:37
In reply to I see my T. again in 4 days!!, posted by 10derHeart on December 3, 2008, at 16:29:08
...I'm sorry I wasn't able to reply personally to everyone before I left. I just ran out of time. All the steps planning and organizing for a trip are pretty difficult for my brain.... I just don't want anyone to ever feel it's personal.. I go straight down the thread and as you can see, I only got 3 done... :-(
I'll catch up the whole thing once I get home, I swear. Really.
I saw him at church - twice (more later) It was weird and hard and numb and emotional - all at once. The I saw him this a.m. for 1.5 hours. It was wonderful, really. I mean...the feeling in the space between us was very warm. We talked about what happened at church (I felt he was robotic, kinda cool and so strange...) and how that collision of his IRL-life and the 'therapist-him' I know and love is always so shocking and painful. He soooo gets it. Thank goodness.
I've gotten something like 4 handshakes now. All "good" ones (warm, real, not perfunctory) except the church deal that we've talked out now...and it's okay. I see what his intention was, and it was kind. (duh)
I can't say much more now as I am on a public PC and need to gt off. And take a nap. And get ready to go to a hockey game tonight.
Tomorrow will be so bittersweet. We must talk about the whole formalizing therapy thing. I must say 'so long' to him again. Just imagining it makes me feel so awfully low...I want to put him and his office in my suitcase... And I love this place I used to live for other reasons and so ther have been many tears already...
I'll live through tomorrow somehow, I suppose, knowing whatever happens he promises he is FINE with the level of contact and for him it's good because he: "gets to stay in touch with someone like you." That was a great thing to hear I'll be okay because he won't go away no matter what we can/can't work out or change.
I gotta go. I wish I could explain more, but I can't right now. Thanks for being here, everyone.
Posted by lucie lu on December 8, 2008, at 19:56:31
In reply to Really quick update and...., posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2008, at 14:57:37
10der,Yours really does sound like a love story.
In all the good ways.
I'm glad to hear that things have gone well so far. It is always a concern when there is so much anticipation and pressure on a visit. But you two seem to be handling it well and making the most of your time together.
Thanks for the update :)
Lucie
Posted by gardenergirl on December 8, 2008, at 21:06:42
In reply to Really quick update and...., posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2008, at 14:57:37
smiling wide for you...
gg
Posted by muffled on December 8, 2008, at 23:48:58
In reply to Really quick update and...., posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2008, at 14:57:37
Thanks for update, I dunno from my POV you don't have to answer me specifically, jsut a general wassup is good.
I imagine you will be tired when you get home.
As far as I am concerned a general post would be fine.
This is good this meeting, but ya...gotta be hard.
THANKS SO much for letting us know how its going.
(((10der)))
{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}power vibes of strength for you.
M
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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