Posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2008, at 14:57:37
In reply to I see my T. again in 4 days!!, posted by 10derHeart on December 3, 2008, at 16:29:08
...I'm sorry I wasn't able to reply personally to everyone before I left. I just ran out of time. All the steps planning and organizing for a trip are pretty difficult for my brain.... I just don't want anyone to ever feel it's personal.. I go straight down the thread and as you can see, I only got 3 done... :-(
I'll catch up the whole thing once I get home, I swear. Really.
I saw him at church - twice (more later) It was weird and hard and numb and emotional - all at once. The I saw him this a.m. for 1.5 hours. It was wonderful, really. I mean...the feeling in the space between us was very warm. We talked about what happened at church (I felt he was robotic, kinda cool and so strange...) and how that collision of his IRL-life and the 'therapist-him' I know and love is always so shocking and painful. He soooo gets it. Thank goodness.
I've gotten something like 4 handshakes now. All "good" ones (warm, real, not perfunctory) except the church deal that we've talked out now...and it's okay. I see what his intention was, and it was kind. (duh)
I can't say much more now as I am on a public PC and need to gt off. And take a nap. And get ready to go to a hockey game tonight.
Tomorrow will be so bittersweet. We must talk about the whole formalizing therapy thing. I must say 'so long' to him again. Just imagining it makes me feel so awfully low...I want to put him and his office in my suitcase... And I love this place I used to live for other reasons and so ther have been many tears already...
I'll live through tomorrow somehow, I suppose, knowing whatever happens he promises he is FINE with the level of contact and for him it's good because he: "gets to stay in touch with someone like you." That was a great thing to hear I'll be okay because he won't go away no matter what we can/can't work out or change.
I gotta go. I wish I could explain more, but I can't right now. Thanks for being here, everyone.
poster:10derHeart
thread:866489
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/867522.html