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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by bent on November 11, 2006, at 9:46:11
In reply to called pdoc T on this morning...i must be..., posted by bent on November 11, 2006, at 9:37:26
Posted by Poet on November 11, 2006, at 11:57:57
In reply to called pdoc T on this morning...i must be..., posted by bent on November 11, 2006, at 9:37:26
((((Bent)))
My pets are like children to me, too. I know the sadness you are feeling and understand how pathetic you feel calling your pdoc and T over the loss of a pet. I'm glad you were able to reach your pdoc and that the Ativan helps you get through this though time. I hope your T calls you, I think talking to your T will help you. I called my T when one of my cats died and even though she really isn't a cat person it helped me to talk about him to her.
We're here for you, too.
Poet
Posted by bent on November 11, 2006, at 12:37:18
In reply to Re: called pdoc T on this morning...i must be... » bent, posted by Poet on November 11, 2006, at 11:57:57
thank you poet. my pets are my family too. i dont think i have been this upset when a person died. i got the ativan and took 1 .5mg pill. i think i need more. not sure what works for others. i am thinking my t wont call until monday when she goes back to work but now I am thinking i'd like to see is she can see me that day-our reg appt in on thursday. dont know i can wait. think i should leave her another message? i've never left more than one before! thanks for your support. i am sad, i need it.
Posted by Poet on November 11, 2006, at 14:41:44
In reply to Re: called pdoc T on this morning...i must be... » Poet, posted by bent on November 11, 2006, at 12:37:18
Hi Bent,
I think you should call your T and leave another message that you think you need to talk to her in person if possible.
I've left my T more than one message to call me usually filled with apologies for bothering her. I left her two messages on one day when she was on vacation and she called me back. It wasn't a full blown crisis, but she could tell by my voice that something was very wrong with me. I could have called the therapist who was on call for her, but I didn't know that therapist so I wasn't comfortable doing it.
You've lost something that was important in your life and I think your T should understand that you need emotional support. I hope she can see you on Monday. I know the weekend will seem long, post if it helps, okay?
((((Bent))))
Poet
Posted by zazenducky on November 11, 2006, at 15:25:28
In reply to called pdoc T on this morning...i must be..., posted by bent on November 11, 2006, at 9:37:26
I'm sorry for your loss. It is very very hard. The chat room on this site helped me when my sweet old girl died. There's almost always someone there. And there are other resources and a forum.
I hope your therapist calls back soon and can see you. I took my dog's pictures and leash with me to see my therapist after it happened.
I'm sorry you are in pain. Your pet was lucky to have been loved by you.
Posted by madeline on November 11, 2006, at 15:27:14
In reply to called pdoc T on this morning...i must be..., posted by bent on November 11, 2006, at 9:37:26
Oh bent I am so so sorry. I do know how you feel and there is nothing to feel pathetic about. Losing a pet can be one of the most painful things in the world. I know.
My pets are my kids and more so than any other single thing (or person) on this planet they have kept me moving and alive.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Give yourself time to grieve, and be around people that will understand.
The brightest stars burn out too quickly don't they?
Love to you
Maddie
Posted by Lindenblüte on November 11, 2006, at 16:09:05
In reply to Re: called pdoc T on this morning...i must be..., posted by madeline on November 11, 2006, at 15:27:14
Bent,
I'm so sorry you're hurting. It's okay to cry your pillow soggy. You loved your pet so much, that there is no other reaction possible.It hurts SO bad, and you are not a nuisance, pain, inconvenience, wimp, loser (or any other bad thing) because you want to talk to someone about it. When my sister-in-law's dog died, I had 5 voicemails on my phone, in one afternoon. They ranged from sobbing to a brave voice, to a tearful voice, to another brave voice, to a sad voice. She's not crazy, and neither are you. You are human and you've formed a very close attachment to this pet who has given you so much love.
grief hurts- it's the dark side of love. The bright side of love is what will linger in your memories, though- when you get a little bit of distance, you will be able to feel love again- and remember all the times that your pet did something silly that made you laugh or something surprising that touched your heart. don't worry-- the worst grief in the world cannot pollute the bright side of love. You will always have the warm feelings about your pet, even if you can't access them right now.
((((((((((((((bent))))))))))))))
You can call your T's voice mail and tell her that you need to talk to her when she's available on Monday. It will be okay- she'll understand, that's her job.
If you need to talk to someone today, is there a friend that you know? or another loved one? Someone you can reach out to?
We're here when you need to share-
take extra good care bent (((((more warm hugs)))))love,
-Li
Posted by Dinah on November 11, 2006, at 17:17:17
In reply to called pdoc T on this morning...i must be..., posted by bent on November 11, 2006, at 9:37:26
Bent, you wouldn't think twice about calling your therapist if a close human family member died, would you?
I've had companion animals who were closer to me than most of my family members. And I think studies have shown that to be true of many pet owners.
Putting a beloved friend to sleep is a traumatic decision, even if you're mentally prepared and even if you know it was the best thing for the animal.
I wish I could give you a real shoulder to cry on, and a real arm to put around you. Is there anyone who would understand and provide physical comfort?
Posted by Racer on November 11, 2006, at 18:26:49
In reply to called pdoc T on this morning...i must be..., posted by bent on November 11, 2006, at 9:37:26
I'm so sorry for your loss. That is the hardest thing to do, bar none, in this world. That you're able to reach out shows strength and good judgement -- the very farthest thing from being pathetic I can think of. Please don't be hard on yourself -- your reaction is normal, and all it shows is that you're capable of loving.
I'm going through a somewhat similar process right now, with my monster cat. He's old, he's sick, and now he's in pain -- but he's also very bright, alert, involved, and just doesn't seem ready. I've told the vet I'll trust her to tell me when it's time, and so far she's telling me he's not ready to go. But it's very hard to know what's best: am I just being selfish? Or would it be wrong to deprive him of the short time he has left? Fortunately, his vet likes him and I trust her absolutely in this matter.
But it's so hard. Yesterday, my husband and I were pretty sure we wouldn't be bringing him home with us from the vet's. I cried myself sick over the course of the day, and was overwhelmed by the awesome power involved in that decision. I'm profoundly grateful that I didn't have to make that decision yesterday, and equally sorry you had to.
What you did was very, very brave, though. And reaching out now is a sign of health and strength. I, like Dinah, wish there was something more direct I could do to help you though this. And like Poet, I've talked at length with my T about my beloved monster. In fact, this past week, that decision formed the basis of my entire session. Am I nuts? Yes, of course I am -- but that has nothing to do with my relationship with my monstercat.
I hope you can find comfort, and will allow yourself to grieve. I don't want to sound as though I don't want you to feel better soon -- I do, but I also want you to know that it's OK to feel as bad as you do for as long as you do. Peace.
Posted by Phillipa on November 11, 2006, at 21:27:26
In reply to Re: called pdoc T on this morning...i must be... » bent, posted by Racer on November 11, 2006, at 18:26:49
I'm so sorry for you. And you're right the loss of a beloved pet is more painful than the loss of a human. I think it's because they can't talk in words to us like humans. My Brandy and Sheeba are in Urns next to my bed . They will be buried with me. As they are the only I say people who have ever loved me unconditionally. I cried into Brandy's fur for over six months when my Son was sent to Iraq in Desert Storm with the 86th Airbourne as I knew something bad would happen to him as he was such a daredevil and it did he was blinded and lost two fingertips. Without Brandy I couldn't have made it. And I let him live to age l7. Blind, deaf, alzheimers, no teeth but three and a hole in his palate I finger fed him and have no regrets. As sometimes he would look at me and he was there? It's horrible but the Rainbows's Bridge will make you cry more now. But don't hold the grief in . He was your baby and always will be in your heart. You love him and should. No human can ever offer the comfort of a pet. To me anyway. So very sorry for you. Love Phillipa
Posted by bent on November 12, 2006, at 12:49:28
In reply to Re: called pdoc T on this morning...i must be..., posted by Phillipa on November 11, 2006, at 21:27:26
thank you for your understanding it really helps. its amazing how powerful the loss of a pet is. i just might be able to get dresed today!
Posted by bent on November 12, 2006, at 13:02:29
In reply to Re: called pdoc T on this morning...i must be... » bent, posted by Racer on November 11, 2006, at 18:26:49
Racer,
Our situations do have many similarities. I'm sorry to hear about your cat. Its rough but I am glad we have the option to take away their suffering when the times comes.
I guess I shouldnt feel differnt about calling my T about my pets versus anything else. This maybe be one of the most upsetting this in my life since I have known her. My T and I talk about our pets often. Usually when I am talking too much about my animals she knows I am avoiding something bigger! :-)
Thank u so much for your support.
Posted by bent on November 12, 2006, at 13:13:22
In reply to Re: called pdoc T on this morning...i must be... » bent, posted by Dinah on November 11, 2006, at 17:17:17
> Bent, you wouldn't think twice about calling your therapist if a close human family member died, would you?
>
> I've had companion animals who were closer to me than most of my family members. And I think studies have shown that to be true of many pet owners.
I totally feel the same. No human can love you like a animal can. Makes it so hard when they are gone because the one 'guy' who would lick my tears is gone while I'm so upset.>
> Putting a beloved friend to sleep is a traumatic decision, even if you're mentally prepared and even if you know it was the best thing for the animal.
Yes, I know I made the right decision for him. There were offers of surgery but with low survival rates. I couldnt take seeing him that way. I knew what he wanted - not to suffer.> I wish I could give you a real shoulder to cry on, and a real arm to put around you. Is there anyone who would understand and provide physical comfort?
My fiance is ok. He hugs me and stuff but i dont think he understands the entire connection/the emotional connection i had to our pet. Its like he needed his 3 hours to grieve and I am just starting to not hurt so bad on day 3. My parents have invited me to dinner...i know my mom thinks i need a distraction. Thats ok. I dont have an emotional connection with my parents at all but I can visit for a few hours.Do you take Ativan? I may have you confused with someone else??
Posted by LadyBug on November 12, 2006, at 14:10:59
In reply to called pdoc T on this morning...i must be..., posted by bent on November 11, 2006, at 9:37:26
I understand you completly. I went through this on 9/11/05 with my dog that was 15 years old. I cried for days. I missed him so much and longed to love him and hold him. I'm glad you called your T. I did the same thing. Each day gets easier but in my heart I will always have a place for my pet and I will always miss him. Even though we have a new dog, I still miss my other one. They are like our kids in every way.
You take care and write when it get's too hard for you. It will come and go over the next weeks and months. I'm sure you're pet will wait on the other side to see you and come running for you when you go there too. I'm sure we will see our pets again someday.
Posted by bent on November 12, 2006, at 15:02:52
In reply to Re: called pdoc T on this morning...i must be... » madeline, posted by Lindenblüte on November 11, 2006, at 16:09:05
Thanks Li. I havent called and asked if I can change my appt from thurs to monday yet. dont know if i want/need to. Now that i am not contstantly crying --just up and down. Very sensitive. I cried when i couldnt find the TV remote! Thanks for your understanding.
Posted by bent on November 12, 2006, at 15:06:21
In reply to Re: called pdoc T on this morning...i must be... » bent, posted by zazenducky on November 11, 2006, at 15:25:28
thank you for the link. i will check it out when i can. thanks
Posted by bent on November 12, 2006, at 15:09:59
In reply to Re: called pdoc T on this morning...i must be..., posted by madeline on November 11, 2006, at 15:27:14
i def consider my pets my children with fur. i love them and they keep me sane. they never argue and they always love you.
The brightest ones do burn out too quickly.
Posted by Lindenblüte on November 12, 2006, at 15:16:20
In reply to Re: called pdoc T on this morning...i must be... » Lindenblüte, posted by bent on November 12, 2006, at 15:02:52
((((hugs))))
You might want to call and just touch base with your T tomorrow. Who knows? T might have a big opening in the afternoon or something? You may feel calmer and more grounded just hearing your T's voice for a few minutes over the phone.
I hope you don't lose any more remote controls. That makes me feel like crying too. Sometimes I just decide not to watch TV on days like that.
:(
-Li
Posted by bent on November 12, 2006, at 15:25:39
In reply to called pdoc T on this morning...i must be..., posted by bent on November 11, 2006, at 9:37:26
I didnt think she would check her messages until monday morning but she said she got them today. Of course I was in the shower when she called but she left a message saying she knew how much this pet meant to me, that she 'feels for me' and I have 'her sympathy.' She also said that she hoped I was doing better than when i called her (i was kinda sobbing), and that she'd be in all day if I needed to call her tomorrow.
In ending she said "i'll talk to you tomorrow." Kinda funny. Like she's expecting my call. Really I dont know. I could probably wait until thursday but there is so much i need to say to someone like her. And I should probably call in the morning before she fills any openings she has. Hate indecision.
Posted by bent on November 12, 2006, at 15:28:32
In reply to Re: called pdoc T on this morning...i must be..., posted by LadyBug on November 12, 2006, at 14:10:59
i hope we see them again too! :-)
thanks
Posted by madeline on November 12, 2006, at 16:35:02
In reply to Re: she called, posted by bent on November 12, 2006, at 15:25:39
why do they ALWAYS call when we are in the shower? at the mailbox? walking the dog?
It's like they have a sixth sense or something.
I would call her and see if you can get in. I think it would probably help.
I hope you continue to progress (congrats on showering - something I barely managed today myself).
My thoughts are with you during this time.
Love
Maddie
Posted by madeline on November 12, 2006, at 16:39:42
In reply to Re: called pdoc T on this morning...i must be... » LadyBug, posted by bent on November 12, 2006, at 15:28:32
Otherwise, it just wouldn't be heaven for me.
Posted by Poet on November 12, 2006, at 17:43:25
In reply to Re: she called, posted by bent on November 12, 2006, at 15:25:39
Hi Bent,
I think your T saying I'll talk to you tomorrow means she is available for you. If it were me I wouldn't wait until my regular session, I'd at least call her and talk on the phone, if I couldn't go in person.
Take care.
Poet
Posted by Phillipa on November 12, 2006, at 19:24:33
In reply to Re: she called » bent, posted by Poet on November 12, 2006, at 17:43:25
Bent google Rainbow's Bridge there is an audio version too. It will make you cry. But the hurt and grieving will start in a healthy way. Love Phillipa
Posted by Racer on November 16, 2006, at 14:36:16
In reply to Re: she called, posted by bent on November 12, 2006, at 15:25:39
>... she left a message saying she knew how much this pet meant to me, that she 'feels for me' and I have 'her sympathy.'
I'm not at all surprised by her compassion. More people understand than you might think.
Back in college, in the week before finals one term, my beloved Siamese died suddenly. I was devastated, as you can no doubt imagine.
I called all my professors to ask for an extension on some things due that week, telling them only that a family member had died. If they pressed, I only said a "close family member." One of them, though, wouldn't accept that. I had to tell her that it was my cat who had died. (Yes, I burst into sobs when I said this.) She immediately switched from slightly sceptical to entirely supportive and sympathetic, telling me she understood how traumatic that would be, and that I could have all the time I needed to finish my paper (as long as it was in by end of term), and generally working her way into my eternal pantheon of Favorite Teachers. People do, honestly, often understand and empathize much more than you might expect.
Certainly the response you've gotten here should tell you something, right? ;-)
I hope your grief flows smoothly, and you work through it without unnecessary pain. I won't wish you to feel better yet, though, because I think it's healthier to have your grief, so you can move on. In your own time, and in peace.
This is the end of the thread.
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