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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lonelygal on January 17, 2005, at 13:13:32
can i whine life sucks, please.... i want my old t back.. so much is going wrong and i'm all alone and noone can help.
i do have an appt wed with new t, but an hour with a stranger isn't gonna help me immediately.
i hate myself for so many things that i've screwed up and i'm doing just an awful job at work that i'm sure everyone hates me there too.
Posted by lonelygal on January 17, 2005, at 13:16:21
In reply to whining, posted by lonelygal on January 17, 2005, at 13:13:32
can anyone recommend a good your-not-psychotic-4-missing-your-ex-therapist book?
Posted by Susan47 on January 17, 2005, at 13:49:32
In reply to PS, posted by lonelygal on January 17, 2005, at 13:16:21
NO but what I do because I miss him terribly, is plug the hole with my finger, so to speak, which means that I call his number and when the machine picks up I listen intensely and try to get comfort from that. Also, I get into moods where I can visualize his face so well it's like he never left me. Can you picture your ex-T's face? I find it a source of infinite comfort .. well, not infinite, but definitely comfort.
Posted by messadivoce on January 17, 2005, at 13:58:33
In reply to whining, posted by lonelygal on January 17, 2005, at 13:13:32
Please feel free to whine!! God knows I've done my share on this board myself. I understand the bit about the new T. Kind of an overwhelming process you have to start again, I know!!!
I have had well meaning friends tell me to just "get over it and move on with my life" in reference to my old T, and I guess what I've come to realize is, if something's going to suck, then you just have to let it. I don't know if that helps you, but it helps me be at peace with my whininess.
Posted by mair on January 17, 2005, at 15:14:09
In reply to whining, posted by lonelygal on January 17, 2005, at 13:13:32
If you can't whine here, you can't whine anywhere.
I realize that your appointment with a new T isn't going to produce instant results, but it may give you a glimmer of hope that things can improve, and at very least, you won't be as alone in your pain.
I know that you probably won't be able to communicate everything that is going on in a first session, but I hope you can communicate the level of your distress and the extent of your isolation.
Good luck, and please post right away to let us know how it went.Mair
Posted by lonelygal on January 17, 2005, at 18:37:24
In reply to Re: PS, posted by Susan47 on January 17, 2005, at 13:49:32
i have done the listening to the answering machine thing... i always feel super pathetic doing it, but yeah it can be comforting... but since i won't be able to see my old-therapist anymore, i think it sort of makes it worse for me. b/c its just not fair that other people are getting to see her and that she cares about other people now and that i can be easily forgotten.
Posted by lonelygal on January 17, 2005, at 18:41:10
In reply to Re: whining » lonelygal, posted by messadivoce on January 17, 2005, at 13:58:33
i think that's very good advice to just let it suck... i think by it sucking so much, i know that i really trusted my ex-t and cared about her a lot... but in the same way, if it ever stops hurting does that mean i don't care anymore or that i dont' miss her. right now my cynical side is starting to pop in and say "jeez, you shoudln't be missing her in the first place". i dunno, this is so hard, and illogical, and it just sucks.
> Please feel free to whine!! God knows I've done my share on this board myself. I understand the bit about the new T. Kind of an overwhelming process you have to start again, I know!!!
>
> I have had well meaning friends tell me to just "get over it and move on with my life" in reference to my old T, and I guess what I've come to realize is, if something's going to suck, then you just have to let it. I don't know if that helps you, but it helps me be at peace with my whininess.
Posted by lonelygal on January 17, 2005, at 18:43:28
In reply to Re: whining, posted by mair on January 17, 2005, at 15:14:09
thanks mair. i will post and let you know how it goes... i hope i can tell her some of what i'm feeling too, i just hope i don't shut down and try to protect myself from looking 'weak'.
> If you can't whine here, you can't whine anywhere.
>
> I realize that your appointment with a new T isn't going to produce instant results, but it may give you a glimmer of hope that things can improve, and at very least, you won't be as alone in your pain.
>
> I know that you probably won't be able to communicate everything that is going on in a first session, but I hope you can communicate the level of your distress and the extent of your isolation.
>
> Good luck, and please post right away to let us know how it went.
>
> Mair
Posted by messadivoce on January 17, 2005, at 20:17:29
In reply to Re: whining » messadivoce, posted by lonelygal on January 17, 2005, at 18:41:10
Lonleygal, if it ever stops hurting (I hope it does someday) then I hope you don't feel guilty. When I miss my former T I try to tell myself that he wouldn't want me to be in such pain. Just because you stop being sad doesn't mean that your former T didn't mean anything. It just means you choose to remember them in a different way. My grief for my former T is diminishing, and I smile more when I think of him. That is how he would want it. I'm sure your T wouldn't want anything less.
Posted by lonelygal on January 17, 2005, at 23:08:36
In reply to Re: whining » lonelygal, posted by messadivoce on January 17, 2005, at 20:17:29
i keep obsessing over her. i want her back. it's not fair. i feel like i'm gonna cry, but no tears.
right now i feel like if i off-ed myself people would see how much i am hurting. and it would almost be worth it. b/c right now i'm so invisible. and pathetic. and alone.
(just for clarification, not gonna kill myself tonight. not in the mood to make a decision with such finality tonight. just seems like a reasonable option)
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 17, 2005, at 23:19:15
In reply to :(, posted by lonelygal on January 17, 2005, at 23:08:36
It may be an option but no please. Ok now on others not knowing how badly you feel. Maybe we don't exactly but nobody knows anyones pain and to what extent...I see how much pain youre in online, I am sure those who know you in person and who may have heard you talk on this know you feel badly...we do not need one offing themselves to GET IT...My whole family died I am sure people I know and knew; knew HOW DEEPLY I must hurt not exactly. Honey my point is people know youre hurting we just don't know how to help correctly or maybe we cannot help except to ride it out WITH you . WE ARE HERE..AND CARE..FOR waht it is worth I SEE YOU youre not invisable to ME
HUGS
> i keep obsessing over her. i want her back. it's not fair. i feel like i'm gonna cry, but no tears.
> right now i feel like if i off-ed myself people would see how much i am hurting. and it would almost be worth it. b/c right now i'm so invisible. and pathetic. and alone.
> (just for clarification, not gonna kill myself tonight. not in the mood to make a decision with such finality tonight. just seems like a reasonable option)
Posted by lonelygal on January 17, 2005, at 23:32:35
In reply to Re: :( » lonelygal, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 17, 2005, at 23:19:15
thanks so much.
i'm sorry about your family.> It may be an option but no please. Ok now on others not knowing how badly you feel. Maybe we don't exactly but nobody knows anyones pain and to what extent...I see how much pain youre in online, I am sure those who know you in person and who may have heard you talk on this know you feel badly...we do not need one offing themselves to GET IT...My whole family died I am sure people I know and knew; knew HOW DEEPLY I must hurt not exactly. Honey my point is people know youre hurting we just don't know how to help correctly or maybe we cannot help except to ride it out WITH you . WE ARE HERE..AND CARE..FOR waht it is worth I SEE YOU youre not invisable to ME
>
> HUGS
> > i keep obsessing over her. i want her back. it's not fair. i feel like i'm gonna cry, but no tears.
> > right now i feel like if i off-ed myself people would see how much i am hurting. and it would almost be worth it. b/c right now i'm so invisible. and pathetic. and alone.
> > (just for clarification, not gonna kill myself tonight. not in the mood to make a decision with such finality tonight. just seems like a reasonable option)
>
>
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 17, 2005, at 23:37:50
In reply to Re: :( » Fallen4MyT, posted by lonelygal on January 17, 2005, at 23:32:35
You're very welcome and I am sorry for your pain. I wish I could give her to you but I cannot ...and I wish I could make those tears come so maybe you might start to feel some better but that might make me sad to hurt you more even if it was the road to well...BUT I can BE here for you and I will be for some time tonight maybe another hour or so you can babblemail me or post I will pop in and out OK? HUGE HUGS and thank you on my family.
> thanks so much.
> i'm sorry about your family.
>
>
>
> > It may be an option but no please. Ok now on others not knowing how badly you feel. Maybe we don't exactly but nobody knows anyones pain and to what extent...I see how much pain youre in online, I am sure those who know you in person and who may have heard you talk on this know you feel badly...we do not need one offing themselves to GET IT...My whole family died I am sure people I know and knew; knew HOW DEEPLY I must hurt not exactly. Honey my point is people know youre hurting we just don't know how to help correctly or maybe we cannot help except to ride it out WITH you . WE ARE HERE..AND CARE..FOR waht it is worth I SEE YOU youre not invisable to ME
> >
> > HUGS
> > > i keep obsessing over her. i want her back. it's not fair. i feel like i'm gonna cry, but no tears.
> > > right now i feel like if i off-ed myself people would see how much i am hurting. and it would almost be worth it. b/c right now i'm so invisible. and pathetic. and alone.
> > > (just for clarification, not gonna kill myself tonight. not in the mood to make a decision with such finality tonight. just seems like a reasonable option)
> >
> >
>
>
Posted by lonelygal on January 18, 2005, at 0:27:44
In reply to Re: :(, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 17, 2005, at 23:37:50
you're being way too nice to me.
i keep trying to sleep, but i can't sleep. and, i'm gonna be so tired and useless at work tomorrow and get people mad at me.
thanks on the offer to babblemail too, i don't know how to do that though, nor do i even remember the e-mail address i signed up for this site with- it was just a temporary one i had.
yeah, i really wish you could give her to me. why did i develop a relationship with her in the first place if it was gonna hurt so much and i knew she would graduate soon? and i know its all me that is hurting, that i was just a client and didn't affect her like all this is doing to me. i feel like i'm always insignificant and disposable. it's been that way my whole life. father, family, friends, boyfriends. i'm easy to leave behind. i feel like i dont have enough value to be kept. gosh, it hurts.
and now i'm really really scared of wed. my appt with new t. why would i do this to myself again? i know the answer is b/c i really can't make it on my own, but still its such a huge price to pay. that in order to get help, i will most likely be hurt again if i get attached to new t b/c i know it would just be for 6 months anyways, that i'll be moving then. everything sucks a whole whole lot.
> You're very welcome and I am sorry for your pain. I wish I could give her to you but I cannot ...and I wish I could make those tears come so maybe you might start to feel some better but that might make me sad to hurt you more even if it was the road to well...BUT I can BE here for you and I will be for some time tonight maybe another hour or so you can babblemail me or post I will pop in and out OK? HUGE HUGS and thank you on my family.
>
> > thanks so much.
> > i'm sorry about your family.
> >
> >
> >
> > > It may be an option but no please. Ok now on others not knowing how badly you feel. Maybe we don't exactly but nobody knows anyones pain and to what extent...I see how much pain youre in online, I am sure those who know you in person and who may have heard you talk on this know you feel badly...we do not need one offing themselves to GET IT...My whole family died I am sure people I know and knew; knew HOW DEEPLY I must hurt not exactly. Honey my point is people know youre hurting we just don't know how to help correctly or maybe we cannot help except to ride it out WITH you . WE ARE HERE..AND CARE..FOR waht it is worth I SEE YOU youre not invisable to ME
> > >
> > > HUGS
> > > > i keep obsessing over her. i want her back. it's not fair. i feel like i'm gonna cry, but no tears.
> > > > right now i feel like if i off-ed myself people would see how much i am hurting. and it would almost be worth it. b/c right now i'm so invisible. and pathetic. and alone.
> > > > (just for clarification, not gonna kill myself tonight. not in the mood to make a decision with such finality tonight. just seems like a reasonable option)
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
>
>
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 18, 2005, at 1:31:51
In reply to Re: :( » Fallen4MyT, posted by lonelygal on January 18, 2005, at 0:27:44
Do you have anything like Benadyl or Trazadone to help you sleep for work? I do not think we chose the ones we love or become attatched to ..I think they will be having a section on the FAQ or something on how to babblemail..Its long to explain and you have to be like at the addy Dr Bob has to send it to I think. We cannot see each others email addys but...
OK so we have here for a while I hope you get some sleep thats why I like my Ambein...The new T.....I do not think you will get as attatched to because you will be kinda braced....maybe a tad too cautious but who could blame you...I understand that is how you feel but you are not
disposable but I DO know thats how you FEEL and sadly we FEEL what we feel I have dark feelings too...but sometimes I know that is all they are....I do bet your old T does miss you I do think T's just care and have to block it to survive much like doctors have to block or they would crack..telling people they have major illness and family members they may die or died and stuff. Still I wish I could give her to you that would be my wish and gift to you...Bummer is I am just another sorry *&s smuck on the face of the earth that cannot do the things I would like to help nice people like you. Sorry this is a mess..I am tired and my dog keeps pawing my keyboard...grrrrr he needs school :)HUGS GALORE
> you're being way too nice to me.
> i keep trying to sleep, but i can't sleep. and, i'm gonna be so tired and useless at work tomorrow and get people mad at me.
> thanks on the offer to babblemail too, i don't know how to do that though, nor do i even remember the e-mail address i signed up for this site with- it was just a temporary one i had.
> yeah, i really wish you could give her to me. why did i develop a relationship with her in the first place if it was gonna hurt so much and i knew she would graduate soon? and i know its all me that is hurting, that i was just a client and didn't affect her like all this is doing to me. i feel like i'm always insignificant and disposable. it's been that way my whole life. father, family, friends, boyfriends. i'm easy to leave behind. i feel like i dont have enough value to be kept. gosh, it hurts.
> and now i'm really really scared of wed. my appt with new t. why would i do this to myself again? i know the answer is b/c i really can't make it on my own, but still its such a huge price to pay. that in order to get help, i will most likely be hurt again if i get attached to new t b/c i know it would just be for 6 months anyways, that i'll be moving then. everything sucks a whole whole lot.
>
>
>
>
> > You're very welcome and I am sorry for your pain. I wish I could give her to you but I cannot ...and I wish I could make those tears come so maybe you might start to feel some better but that might make me sad to hurt you more even if it was the road to well...BUT I can BE here for you and I will be for some time tonight maybe another hour or so you can babblemail me or post I will pop in and out OK? HUGE HUGS and thank you on my family.
> >
> > > thanks so much.
> > > i'm sorry about your family.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > > It may be an option but no please. Ok now on others not knowing how badly you feel. Maybe we don't exactly but nobody knows anyones pain and to what extent...I see how much pain youre in online, I am sure those who know you in person and who may have heard you talk on this know you feel badly...we do not need one offing themselves to GET IT...My whole family died I am sure people I know and knew; knew HOW DEEPLY I must hurt not exactly. Honey my point is people know youre hurting we just don't know how to help correctly or maybe we cannot help except to ride it out WITH you . WE ARE HERE..AND CARE..FOR waht it is worth I SEE YOU youre not invisable to ME
> > > >
> > > > HUGS
> > > > > i keep obsessing over her. i want her back. it's not fair. i feel like i'm gonna cry, but no tears.
> > > > > right now i feel like if i off-ed myself people would see how much i am hurting. and it would almost be worth it. b/c right now i'm so invisible. and pathetic. and alone.
> > > > > (just for clarification, not gonna kill myself tonight. not in the mood to make a decision with such finality tonight. just seems like a reasonable option)
> > > >
> > > >
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
>
>
Posted by CareBear04 on January 19, 2005, at 17:34:31
In reply to whining, posted by lonelygal on January 17, 2005, at 13:13:32
lonelygal,
i'm so sorry you're feeling so bad.i know you're meeting with the new T today. please tell us how it goes.
i've had a bunch of Ts in a short period, and i've had a hard time with it, too. if i don't like them or feel comfortable, then i just shut down and have gone week after week, full appts at a time, not talking, just sitting or looking at the bookshelves. it drives the Ts crazy, but it doesn't do anyone any good.
one thing i'm wondering about-- did your old T, the one you love and trust, give you any recommendations for a new person? one thing that really helped when i left a T/pdoc that i finally clicked with was that she referred me to my next T/pdoc in another city, a friend and colleague that used to practice with her. knowing that he had her vote of confidence, and given how much i respect this pdoc, i was more able to trust him and look for the qualities in him that would endear him to and impress her. i didn't open up immediately, but neither did i shut him out in the same way that i did with the other Ts. it's easier to give a T a chance to prove him or herself if you know something about that person. even just knowing that your old T was recommend her might make seeing her less hard and less painful. since your T was a student, she might not have many connections, but surely she must have had a mentor here or there that impressed her.
i don't know if this suggestion helps, but it helped me.
i'm sorry for this situation and sorry for how much it's hurting you.
Posted by CareBear04 on January 20, 2005, at 13:55:22
In reply to whining, posted by lonelygal on January 17, 2005, at 13:13:32
lonelygal-- i'm sorry that you continue to feel so bad, but it seems like your situation may finally be following an upward trajectory. when i suggested you look to another T or pdoc for help, i only meant that you should be seen as soon as you need, not that the T you're assigned to is inherently wrong for you. it's great that the T offered to see you sooner than next wednesday.
you sound a lot like me-- self-driven, independent, and liking or somehow taking on a lot of responsibility for other people. i just graduated this year, so all this is still recent and raw for me. i also had a recent depressive crash in october after getting put on narcotic painkillers without a mood stabilizers to keep me from crashing. i was seeing a handful of doctors, and none of them could look past my long list of medications and see me as anything other than a psych mess. none of them could or would help me, and maybe i didn't ask for help hard enough. in any case, i came to feel like they didn't care or believe my pain, physical and psychological. in the end, i realized that what bothered me the most wasn't that they didn't know how to help me. i've learned to take care of myself and not rely on other people, but i do have low self-esteem, too, and i just needed someone to tell me, someone to let me know that my life is worth it-- worth fighting for, worth their effort and mine. my pdoc suggested a stay in the hospital, and my parents, not realizing how bad off i was, complained about the financial cost and made me believe that they valued money over me. regardless of what i believed, in fact only because the drs bullied me into a corner by emphasizing that they didn't believe in the worth of my life, did i rebound back into believing that my life is important. it made me more confident in my ability to help myself. given how my trust was betrayed by doctors and Ts, i also started counting the people who i could trust-- those who have stuck by me through good and bad.
all this babbling is just to say that you sound like the kind of person who likes to help herself. in most all cases, i'm sure you're more than capable of doing that and also of taking on the burdens of others. sometimes, though, you need people there with you to tell you that your life is worth fighting for and that they're with you in the fight. i know it's hard to sacrifice privacy and independence and to ask for help and to tell people how sh*tty you feel. not everyone will be up to helping; some people get scared off or are uncomfortable because they don't know what to say. you haven't talked much about your family. if you have a decent relationship with them, could you let them know how bad you feel in the hope that they won't overreact, but that they will tell you how important you are and how worthwhile the fight is to save and restore your life to its fullest potential? my family hasn't always been supportive, nor have they been consistent about it. sometimes they have doubted the seriousness of my condition, and other times they have smothered me with their worrying.
as for your T, i think the details of what you're feeling are less important than the overall feeling of desperation and unworthiness of help. i think you need to hear from a professional that she is willing to see you through all of this and that you are that important and worth the time and effort that it will take. then, as much as you can talk about it, you can delve into the specifics of what's wrong and maybe you can start addressing small things at a time. but i think you should make clear how bad you feel, and i think she needs to help you believe in her as an ally before any therapy can be useful.
sorry to go on and on. i just really care about you and what happens to you, and i feel like i have and still do suffer from the same feelings. you are a caring, articulate, and loveable person, and you deserve the same care that you would give to your friends. i don't doubt at all that you would drop what you're doing to be there for a friend in need. maybe it's time to challenge your friends to do the same.
thinking of you and sending hugs,
cb
Posted by Susan47 on January 20, 2005, at 23:54:57
In reply to Re: PS » Susan47, posted by lonelygal on January 17, 2005, at 18:37:24
What I'm learning is not to forget myself. It was horrible to feel like nobody to my T, but part of that, I believe, was feeling like nobody to myself.
I'm learning, I HOPE I'm learning and it's not just a temporary thing, but I hope one day to realize permanently that I matter most to me, and I hope everything good comes out of that.
I see glimpses of it, every once in a while, but I have to walk through the pain of not being most important to someone else, first. I don't have a clue whether that will make any sense to anyone, and I may have better words for it tomorrow. I hope so. I'm an atheist, but "pray" is such a good word, sometimes. I pray for hope, every day.
And I miss my therapist terribly, it's a gaping wound in my soul, and I don't honestly believe it will ever completely heal.
Posted by Dinah on January 21, 2005, at 7:03:58
In reply to Re: PS » lonelygal, posted by Susan47 on January 20, 2005, at 23:54:57
It makes sense to me. I just lost two people, if you count Harry, to whom I was most important. I should be happy I had the experience, but right now I'm angry at losing it.
Posted by Susan47 on January 21, 2005, at 13:38:31
In reply to Re: PS » Susan47, posted by Dinah on January 21, 2005, at 7:03:58
Yes, and I think I can kind of understand that, too, but it hasn't in real life happened to me, yet. Wanting to be important to somebody (my T) is different than actually being that, you know?
This is the end of the thread.
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