![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pretty_paints on August 21, 2004, at 5:17:46
Ok, it's a saturday and there's no-one I can call, so I'm gonna explain something and see if any of you guys can help me. It's kinda related to both meds and therapy, so I'll post on both boards.
The issues I've been dealing with in therapy are to do with having an emotionally distant mother, who didn't give me much attention. When I was 16 I broke up with a guy, and EVER SINCE, I've had the feeling he was looking over my shoulder. He was ALWAYS there, everything I did was an act FOR HIM. I did it without even realising that I had stopped being *me*. I slowly came to realise that the way I was acting, everything I was doing, my clothes, my beliefs, everything was just an act I put on to impress HIM (this guy in my head). My therapist says its all to do with not feeling that I'm "enough" and having to prove myself etc. Anyway, although I'm far from having dealt with these issues, I have come to realise the ways in which I act, and I started to feel more like *me*, and things were becoming more real. I know deep down the way for me to be happy is to let go of this guy altogether and be myself, but that is still way too scary at the moment.
ANYWAY, how this relates to meds...
I was on 300mg Efexor. 4 days ago I dropped to 225mg and added 15mg Remeron.
OH MY GOD. I AM SO UNHAPPY TODAY. The guy in my head has come back in full swing. Last night for the first time THIS YEAR, I indulged in this massive daydream about us getting back together and getting married and blah blah, and then when I woke up this morning I was so low. I'm totally *acting* for him again (and I cant break out of this). Even worse, this time it feels like I don't even WANT to get over it. I don't WANT to have to cut him out (even though deep down I know it makes me unhappy). I even want to end therapy if all its going to do is gradually ween me off this guy.
WHY HAS THIS SUDDENLY HAPPENED?? Nothing in my life has changed. It just feels like a switch in my brain :( I thought the Remeron was supposed to make me feel happier, not worse. But then I guess Iv only been on it 4 days. Maybe all this is the result of decreasing my Efexor dose. :(
I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT
At least before, even though I found it so hard to cut this guy out of my life, at least I know I WANTED to deep down.
ARRRRGHH
Please please help me anyone. I doubt any of you will be able to. and sorry its not totally related to meds. I just didn't know who else to ask. :(
Posted by Donia on August 21, 2004, at 6:15:52
In reply to Don't know if anyone can help, but I'll try anyway, posted by pretty_paints on August 21, 2004, at 5:17:46
How old are you now? How long since the breakup? When I was 15, I broke up with a guy and I was devasted for a year or more. Obsesively devastated. I have had depression and anxiety since I was about 10. I am now 32 and only in the last four years have I began to take medicine. I can tell you as I got older, out of my teens, my depression problems werent so emotional, but was still there. My emotions were very messed up when I was a teen. Just give it some time and maybe it will get better. Any adjustment to meds may alter thoughts for a while. If it persists, let you doctor know. I have felt alot better these last four years with adjustments here and there, but I am going to go to college this year and really feel ready for it. Just take it one day at a time. By the way, I have had dreams that will set my mood for a whole day, good and bad, maybe tomorrow will be different. If this continues for a few days, make sure you talk with your doctor.
Donia
Posted by lucy stone on August 21, 2004, at 6:39:07
In reply to Don't know if anyone can help, but I'll try anyway, posted by pretty_paints on August 21, 2004, at 5:17:46
I do something similar but it is not focused one a specific person. I have sort of an ideal fantasy person in my head. It also started when I was in my teens, and starting then I spun elaborate fantasies about what my life would be like if I could have the fantasy become real. The person in the fantasy is always male and although it usually has some sexual elements it is not primarily sexual. Throughout my life I have tried to put the fantasy in play with different men always with disasterous results of one kind or another. I had these fantasies with my first therapist with the predictable result, so when I started with my current T I asked him in a round about way that if I started acted in a certain way could he handle it and know what to do. He assured me he could and when it happened we would deal with it. He tells me that I will never be able to experience the real and good things in my life until I give up the fantasies. It is very, very difficult to do and often I do not want to. This fantasy has served me well in my life and gotten me through some very rough patches but has also caused me great difficulty. I am working on relating to my T as a real person and not through the fantasy filter and I tell you truthfully that he was better in the fantasy!...but not real, of course. I am working on this through an analysis and I know that is not the right way for everyone. I know that it makes me very, very scared to let go of my fantasy and see the world in a real way. I suspect that your fantasy has come back so strongly because you are working on eliminating it. Even though it feels like deep down you do not want to eliminate your fantasies about this guy I suspect a part of you knows that it will make your life better if you can do it. I have faith in you, that you can find the strength to give this up and do what is right for you. Keep taking your meds, keep seeing your T, and believe that you can do this for yourself. Just an aside, I have been married to a fabulous guy for 29 years but that didn't stop these fantasies. He has never been as good as the guy the in the fantasy. It's not the lack of reality that makes these fantasies happen, but the fantasies get in the way of real life.
Posted by Susan47 on August 21, 2004, at 11:01:01
In reply to Re: Don't know if anyone can help, but I'll try anyway, posted by lucy stone on August 21, 2004, at 6:39:07
I used to live in my head with the current guy watching me all the time too. Boyfriends, first husband... first hubby hurt me so badly that it took me about eight years to get him out. But honestly, families can hurt our self-esteem so badly that I believe it never occurred to me that anyone would respect me, so I looked for it in a rich fantasy. And the fantasy always had to do with men; I think because my father never respected me, he was the worst. He doesn't respect any female. Ah well, better he's out of my life.
I can't pin down when I started living in reality and gave up the fantasy part of myself. I suspect it has something to do with feeling respected and liked, and I suspect it began with my last therapist, bless him. I hope the fantasy never insinuates itself again, because if it does I will take it as warning that I need to work on self-respect. Thank you for helping me work this out; I never knew there were so many others struggling with the same issues. I wish I'd known when I was in my twenties, and better yet, my teens.
Pretty paints, you're lucky you know it's not a good thing happening in your head. Recognizing that, you can work on it. (((((prettypaints)))))
Posted by dazedandconfused on August 21, 2004, at 14:44:23
In reply to Don't know if anyone can help, but I'll try anyway, posted by pretty_paints on August 21, 2004, at 5:17:46
Pretty,
I am so glad you posted this...I thought I was the only one!! Yes, I have done this through the years with various men. My personal opinion is that I lack a solid sense of self...or identity. Just wanted to let you know I relate.dazed
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.