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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by toomuchpain on May 4, 2004, at 12:00:12
well i ran into my former t at a store around my town ... and he approched me when he isnt supposed due to circumstances which most of you know... and he said "hi" and i asked how i was and told him iw as ok and then the big question came can u and will u ever forgive me for what i have put u through ? and he said he was sorry and that he never meant to hurt mr the way he did .. so the nagging question is should i forgive him ? pleae help me
Posted by All Done on May 4, 2004, at 12:10:08
In reply to is sorry ok ?, posted by toomuchpain on May 4, 2004, at 12:00:12
> so the nagging question is should i forgive him ?
tmp,
Do you want to forgive him? Do you feel ready to forgive him? Do you feel like his apology was enough?
(((toomuchpain)))
Take care,
All Done
Posted by Penny on May 4, 2004, at 12:18:21
In reply to is sorry ok ?, posted by toomuchpain on May 4, 2004, at 12:00:12
You can forgive him - it's better for you if you do, IMO - but that doesn't mean it would be good for you to have contact with him. Forgiving doesn't necessarily mean forgetting, nor does it mean not learning from the past.
(((tmp)))
P
Posted by fallsfall on May 4, 2004, at 15:05:11
In reply to Re: is sorry ok ? » toomuchpain, posted by Penny on May 4, 2004, at 12:18:21
I agree with Penny. If you feel that forgiving him will help you move past the hurt, then I think it is good to do.
I don't think that you should change your actions, though, even if you do forgive him. I think that seeing him either professionally or personally would hurt you.
You also need to recognize that he violated the boundaries that were set up. That says to me that he has not learned that boundaries need to be respected.
I hope that you will talk about this with your new therapist.
Good luck.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on May 4, 2004, at 15:35:47
In reply to is sorry ok ?, posted by toomuchpain on May 4, 2004, at 12:00:12
I havent read the other replies but I always lean towards forgiveness..he didnt have to say a thing but did as he knows he was wrong...forgive for YOU so you can let it go
hugs
> well i ran into my former t at a store around my town ... and he approched me when he isnt supposed due to circumstances which most of you know... and he said "hi" and i asked how i was and told him iw as ok and then the big question came can u and will u ever forgive me for what i have put u through ? and he said he was sorry and that he never meant to hurt mr the way he did .. so the nagging question is should i forgive him ? pleae help me
Posted by pinkeye on May 4, 2004, at 15:43:54
In reply to Re: is sorry ok ? » toomuchpain, posted by Fallen4MyT on May 4, 2004, at 15:35:47
Hi Toomuchpain,
Whether we like it or not, our therapists have such a huge impact on us, and it is difficult for us to lead a full life when we are at war with them. So for your own well being, make a list of all the good things that your therapist had done for you in the past, how much he had meant to you. He did cause you some harm knowingly or unknowingly, but he is human too. And he himself is apologizing now for his mistakes. So it makes lot of sense to extend yourself now and forgive him truly. It won't probably undo all the hurt that he has done to you, but it will definitely open a door towards your own healing.
Pinkeye.
Posted by joslynn on May 5, 2004, at 11:58:41
In reply to Re: is sorry ok ?, posted by pinkeye on May 4, 2004, at 15:43:54
Well, I think a person can forgive someone while also protecting themselves by not communicating with that person.
This person was told not to communicate and he is violating that. It was there to protect the former client.
TooMuch, I think you can feel forgiveness (if that is where you are) yet still not have contact with him.
Just want you to stay emotionally safe and he does not seem to respect the boundaries his own colleagues set for him.
Posted by gardenergirl on May 5, 2004, at 22:39:32
In reply to Re: is sorry ok ?, posted by joslynn on May 5, 2004, at 11:58:41
I agree with the others...if finding forgiveness for him within yourself is something that will be healing for you, than by all means, aim for that. But that does not mean that everything that happened in the past is now "okay" and forgotten. He still needs to adhere to the boundaries established by you and by his bosses. This is for your best interest, and for his.
I'm sure it must have been quite painful and confusing to run into him like that. In some ways, his asking for forgiveness is another violation. It's all about his needs. And it should have always been about yours.
(((tmp)))
Take care.
gg
Posted by toomuchpain on May 7, 2004, at 8:30:09
In reply to Re: is sorry ok ?, posted by gardenergirl on May 5, 2004, at 22:39:32
well i have had alot of thought and read the input i have recived from all u wonderful ppl ... and i have decided to forgive him ... so i called his office and told him that i did forgive but i will never forget what he put me through .. i also told him PLEASE do not do this to anyone else because there may be someone out there that can not be as strong as myself to deal with it .. i cryed the whole time !!! and he said he was sorry again .. he asked if i wanted to see him out side the office or ever speak to him again and i told him that i would update him on my treatment and things like that but other wise there will no contact between us... it was so hard to tell someone i care about so much and love that i will not be talking to him except on certian occasions to let him know how my treatment is going ..
i know i did the best thing for me and him ... it isnt worth my well being and it isnt worth his job i have tomuch resecpt for him and i to do that ..even though i will miss him so very much he will always have a part of my heart that no one can replace ... through good times and the worst of times .. i have learned so much from him and i think he has also learned alot from me ...
Posted by fallsfall on May 7, 2004, at 9:32:41
In reply to Re: is sorry ok ?, posted by toomuchpain on May 7, 2004, at 8:30:09
You have done so well, toomuchpain. I think that your conversation with him covered all of the important bases, and set down clear boundaries. You *are* strong. And you should be very proud of yourself.
This is the end of the thread.
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