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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 62. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on April 29, 2004, at 22:43:54
I guess I feel like I should tell you guys that I've been cutting almost every day for like a week now. I know this is a terrible thing to say but it makes me feel good. I haven't told my T. She hasn't asked me. I wanted to show her today but then when I got there I chickened out and put my sweater on. I'm afraid she will get mad if I tell her.
A couple weeks ago she told me to call her before I cut, but I had to try three other things before I called and then when I called I had to be prepared to tell her the three things I tried. So I stopped cutting (that was just too much work) but then last weekend I started again. I can't remember why now. But it was too late to call and I didn't want to try three things, anyway.
I'm sorry to dump this here. It's just that I feel like I need to share this somewhere. I don't want to be totally isolated with this destructive behavior.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on April 29, 2004, at 23:52:32
In reply to SI update ***may trigger, posted by crushedout on April 29, 2004, at 22:43:54
{{{ CRUSHED ))) I am on my way to bed so this isnt the smartest thing I have ever said but...start over again..do the three things..they worked and DO call her late no matter what ...no matter HOW late..she told you to and my T likes to be called ANYTIME....SO PLEASE use the help you have access to
hugs
Posted by crushedout on April 29, 2004, at 23:57:08
In reply to Re: SI update ***may trigger » crushedout, posted by Fallen4MyT on April 29, 2004, at 23:52:32
that's pretty sound advice fallen. thank you.
Posted by DaisyM on April 30, 2004, at 0:02:15
In reply to Re: SI update ***may trigger » Fallen4MyT, posted by crushedout on April 29, 2004, at 23:57:08
crushed,
Please take care of yourself. Don't worry about dumping on us...I do it all the time. We are here for you.
I think you need to tell at least one of your Therapists that you are cutting so frequently. You are moving closer to the edge so I am worried. You have to find a way to dump off some of this stress.
Would you be willing to share the three things you might try instead? I'd be interested to hear.
Daisy
Posted by crushedout on April 30, 2004, at 8:27:23
In reply to Re: SI update ***may trigger, posted by DaisyM on April 30, 2004, at 0:02:15
Daisy, that's a really good question and it seems useful for me to answer it since I haven't even answered that for myself.Let's see. I could: (1) go for a run, (2) play guitar, and (3) eat ice cream.
How do those alternatives sound? I'm really asking because I don't know much about replacements for cutting.
Posted by crushedout on April 30, 2004, at 8:33:21
In reply to Re: SI update ***may trigger » DaisyM, posted by crushedout on April 30, 2004, at 8:27:23
None of those options sounds satisfying to me. My T always suggests I take yoga, which makes sense.I think a massage would also be good but now we're getting into stuff I can't afford.
What else?
Posted by Aphrodite on April 30, 2004, at 10:33:19
In reply to Re: SI update ***may trigger » DaisyM, posted by crushedout on April 30, 2004, at 8:27:23
I like your option of going for a run. When I force myself to exercise at the time I feel like it the very least, I'm always glad I did. Exerice clears the brain, and if you're out in the sun, all the better. It can help you see the world a little differently.
Then, come home and have ice cream:) You deserve it!
Posted by Dinah on April 30, 2004, at 11:28:16
In reply to Re: SI update ***may trigger » DaisyM, posted by crushedout on April 30, 2004, at 8:27:23
Running might be the best alternative. I know that for me, anger is often a huge component of the urge to SI. And given your current situation, I'm guessing it plays a role in yours too. If you can run the energy of the anger out, that might help.
I also have some d*mn stupid ways of getting the anger out, but suffice it to say they are nearly as self destructive as SI is. In fact, I can never understand why my therapist gets so het up about SI and is ok with the stuff that does just as much harm. One relatively harmless (tho embarassing if I forget that I've done it) way I have is to write truly vile and filthy and horribly vicious things on my skin with a firm ball point pen, and then leave them on there so that I get the satisfaction of knowing they're there. But you really need to be careful to remember to keep your sleeves down or not to undress in front of an intimate other without cleaning first.
Posted by Poet on April 30, 2004, at 11:31:55
In reply to SI update ***may trigger, posted by crushedout on April 29, 2004, at 22:43:54
Hi crushedout,
My form of SI is binging, exercise does help me. I like long walks listening to music. Going for a run listening to music might help you, I say go for it.
Poet
Posted by fallsfall on April 30, 2004, at 13:07:26
In reply to SI update ***may trigger, posted by crushedout on April 29, 2004, at 22:43:54
When I'm having a hard time I can't go for a walk with my dogs because it gives me too much time to think. I have found that I can listen to a book on tape while I walk, and that is enough distraction.
I watch movies. I rent movies every week so I'll always have something to watch. I try hard to rent movies I haven't seen because they hold my attention better than ones that I have seen. And nothing too violent or scary or distressing - but it does have to have some plot to hold my attention. Movies are 1 1/2 to 2 hours which is usually long enough to get me into a different frame of mind. I rent the older movies and have a rent 1/get one free card, so I get 2 movies for 1.99, once or twice a week.
Ice cream is always good.
Guitar has also worked well for me.
Coloring can help. I use colored pencils in a geometric coloring book (or make my own geometric design) when I'm feeling like life is out of control - a very orderly task. Sometimes I like to color in a huge coloring book (Teddy Bears) that my daughter gave me with crayons (I have my own) - they smell great.
Sometimes I take a nap (but only if I can go to sleep quickly without thinking too much).
Sometimes I come online and plead for Babblers to meet me in Open and talk sense into me.
Stopping cutting is like staying on a diet in that if you mess up you shouldn't give up because you can always start again.
Good luck.
Posted by crushedout on April 30, 2004, at 13:30:01
In reply to Re: SI update ***may trigger » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on April 30, 2004, at 13:07:26
Thank you so much. I especially like the coloring idea. Never would have thought of it.
Posted by B2chica on April 30, 2004, at 14:55:20
In reply to GREAT IDEAS ***may trigger » fallsfall, posted by crushedout on April 30, 2004, at 13:30:01
CrushedOut, it sounds like we All understand the difficulty of stopping cutting. I do four things that sometimes help,
1. i journal- but i get very descriptive of what i want to do like second by second how i cut, where, how long, how deep how much blood etc.-sometimes it works sometimes it gets worse.
2. i draw it. i've made several arm drawings of them cut wide open, some have skin flapped over -but i keep it in charcol NOT color.
3. when i was in the hospital one of the nurses suggested putting drops of red food coloring where i wanted to cut-it looks about the same. she's right and it helps sometimes, but it's a lot thinner.
4. i run.B2c.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on April 30, 2004, at 22:15:56
In reply to alternatives, posted by crushedout on April 30, 2004, at 8:33:21
Yoga is good....you can rent YOGA tapes /dvd sometimes they are in the free rental area,,,Call your local Y and see if they have a message person I use to volunteer at a Y in the swim area...anyhow...they can be cheaper at the Y
> None of those options sounds satisfying to me. My T always suggests I take yoga, which makes sense.
>
> I think a massage would also be good but now we're getting into stuff I can't afford.
>
> What else?
Posted by Fallen4MyT on April 30, 2004, at 22:17:39
In reply to Re: SI update ***may trigger » Fallen4MyT, posted by crushedout on April 29, 2004, at 23:57:08
Any time...I wish I had more ideas but I really think the 3 things, something healthy in its place and calling her no matter what is good
> that's pretty sound advice fallen. thank you.
Posted by crushedout on May 2, 2004, at 18:24:18
In reply to Re: SI update ***may trigger » crushedout, posted by Fallen4MyT on April 30, 2004, at 22:17:39
Posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2004, at 10:47:44
In reply to i don't want to stop (nm), posted by crushedout on May 2, 2004, at 18:24:18
Posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 11:20:21
In reply to ((((crushed)))) (nm), posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2004, at 10:47:44
Posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 11:23:15
In reply to ((((crushed)))) (nm), posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2004, at 10:47:44
i'm afraid you guys will think i'm disgusting if i tell you this, but i cut myself in a really weird place last night. do you know what i mean? has anyone else done this?please don't hate me.
Posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2004, at 11:29:42
In reply to disturbing confession ****likely trigger, posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 11:23:15
Crushedout,
I'm sorry you are going through such pain. I'm worried about you. I can't answer your question, but I just wanted to make sure that you don't need any medical attention. I hope not, but if you do, please don't be embarrassed. Just get yourself whatever you need.And take care!
gg
Posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 11:35:34
In reply to Re: disturbing confession ****likely trigger, posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2004, at 11:29:42
don't worry, gg. i'm fine, really. no medical attention needed. but i appreciate your concern.
Posted by Dinah on May 3, 2004, at 12:07:44
In reply to disturbing confession ****likely trigger, posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 11:23:15
No one's going to hate you, but I am concerned that the behavior is escalating. You need to talk honestly about this with your therapist.
And please be careful about infection. All sorts of flora and fauna you know.
Posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 12:14:19
In reply to Re: disturbing confession ****likely trigger » crushedout, posted by Dinah on May 3, 2004, at 12:07:44
thanks, dinah. i'm so embarrassed. I kind of wish I hadn't told you guys. I don't know how i could tell my t this.
Posted by Dinah on May 3, 2004, at 12:41:29
In reply to Re: disturbing confession ****likely trigger » Dinah, posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 12:14:19
Nothing to be embarassed about. She knows you have body parts. Besides, isn't humiliating ourselves before our therapists what therapy is all about? Sorry, rough session leaking through. :(
Posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 14:15:09
In reply to Re: disturbing confession ****likely trigger, posted by Dinah on May 3, 2004, at 12:41:29
what happened? (if you want to talk about it)
Posted by Fallen4MyT on May 3, 2004, at 15:33:36
In reply to disturbing confession ****likely trigger, posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 11:23:15
Oh Gosh Crushed I could never hate you..I have never cut in that kinda area..and I KNOW what you mean but..I do have a friend that did a while back and she said it had an erotic excitment...anyhow her T was told but didnt comment much on it and said its not the same as SI/cutting....I asked MY T on her and he said..he had heard of it....please tell your T...You dont want to make it a habit and get like infections and stuff
>
> i'm afraid you guys will think i'm disgusting if i tell you this, but i cut myself in a really weird place last night. do you know what i mean? has anyone else done this?
>
> please don't hate me.
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