![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 115 to 139 of 147. Go back in thread:
Posted by Penny on January 16, 2004, at 15:24:35
In reply to Re: two more links » Joslynn, posted by Karen_kay on January 16, 2004, at 15:08:44
I would think that it is all about what the therapist can handle and what he/she can't. I wouldn't worry too much about what questions you ask, Karen, as it's up to him to decide whether or not he wants to respond. If he starts to feel he's disclosing too much personal info, then perhaps he will stop answering all of your questions so frankly. But I am still a believer in being pretty honest with your T, though I know there are always exceptions. Perhaps I have just been fortunate to have therapists I could be perfectly honest with.
As for your situation, I would think that the only way your T would refer you on would be if he thought either he couldn't help you or wasn't helping you, OR if he found himself contemplating acting on feelings he had developed for you (mind you, I didn't say that I think he has developed feelings, just that IF he did and IF he found himself thinking about acting on them, THEN it would be his responsibility to refer you on). However, if the problem is over-disclosure on his part, I would think he would simply change his approach, i.e. not disclose so much.
Of course, to me that sounds like a reasonable solution to a problem such as that. But all people and all situations aren't reasonable. But I certainly wouldn't worry about it if I were you.
P
Posted by Karen_kay on January 16, 2004, at 15:39:10
In reply to Re: Hey, you found a BD present for me! » Karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on January 15, 2004, at 23:23:46
Oh, yes in fact I do! And if you like, I have an extra copy of the Kama Sutra as well. I can send them together if you want? But, keep in mind the first book is outdated and the pictures aren't really up to par....Just a heads up for you! I could include a few pictures of my handomse therapist (fully clothed, thank you) in the front cover to help add to your imagination, if you like?
Hope your birthday went well! :)
Posted by Karen_kay on January 16, 2004, at 16:31:59
In reply to Re: being referred on » Karen_kay, posted by Penny on January 16, 2004, at 15:24:35
But, in your honest opinion, do you think he's acting or responding inappropriately? Honestly? Because I'm certain if he feels he is then he would seek supervision and from there, ect....
Posted by Dinah on January 16, 2004, at 17:27:32
In reply to Re: two more links » Joslynn, posted by Karen_kay on January 16, 2004, at 15:08:44
Karen, my therapist said he's only referred out a patient once. And that he gave her plenty of warning first but she wouldn't stop serious boundary crossing behaviors (not words, behaviors).
I know it's tough, but try not to worry.
Posted by Dinah on January 16, 2004, at 17:29:42
In reply to Re: two more links » Joslynn, posted by crushedout on January 16, 2004, at 13:02:22
> > ...but I didn't read it as saying, terminate these clients.
>
> Well, it actually says, "You also need to be prepared to terminate the client without abandoning them." And that's only in the part about the "Client signs" so it's not about a situation where the therapist has feelings for the client. I think that's just silly. Don't you?
>
I do. And not only silly, stupid and foolish as well. The surest way for a therapist to get sued is to abandon a client and have a vindictive and/or dead client as a result, it would seem to me. And "terminating without abandoning" is such a stupid oxymoron it isn't even worth discussing.
Posted by Penny on January 16, 2004, at 23:42:04
In reply to Re: being referred on » Penny, posted by Karen_kay on January 16, 2004, at 16:31:59
> But, in your honest opinion, do you think he's acting or responding inappropriately? Honestly? Because I'm certain if he feels he is then he would seek supervision and from there, ect....
Well, I'm not sure why my opinion on this really matters, as he's your therapist, but...
I don't know him at all. And I only know you through babble. So I am speaking solely from extremely limited information! But, if it were me - if he was MY therapist - and he said some of the things to me that he's said to you, I can assure you that it would make me uncomfortable. Then again, I never would have admitted to him that I had ever fantasized about him! So I guess it wouldn't be an issue - probably wouldn't come up at all!
I would hope that, as a professional, he would seek supervision if he felt at all inclined to consider violating any major boundaries. But I have to leave it up to you, Karen, to know whether he really would or not, because, as I said, I don't know him. I guess I'm a bit wary because of some of the horror stories I've heard about unethical therapists and the pain they can cause, but, then again, perhaps some would consider my very own darling pdoc to not be as professional or rigid in his boundaries as he perhaps should be. Though none of his boundary crossing has ever been things that make me uncomfortable, except for offering to loan me money one time when I was strapped and he was worried about me. Talk about fulfilling the daddy fantasy...but I didn't borrow any money. And my T made me promise that if I felt that his offering such a thing would put me in an uncomfortable position, that I would bring it up with him.
But I guess it's all in how you look at it. You are in the situation. I am an outsider. You have your experiences and I have mine. So it's hard for me to say. On the surface, I would have to honestly say that I think he should really be a bit cautious in how he relates to his patients, or he should be keeping good records, or he should be seeking supervision to ensure that there is nothing that would get him in trouble or hurt you or other patients. And, I guess, in knowing how very young he is, I would hope that he's keeping good records and such anyway - it's too early in his therapy career for him to be an expert, Ph.D. or not, and while no therapist ever knows it all, 10 years from now he may look back on some of his conversations with you and wince with an "I can't believe I said that!"
At the same time, perhaps he's treating you as he would treat anyone your age, or perhaps he just knows he can be more laid back with you. I dunno. Just follow your gut. I feel YOU will know, really, if something is not right. And if it makes you uncomfortable, don't hesitate to tell him so! If not, then don't worry about it.
P.S. - Feel free to ignore any or all of what I wrote above!
P
Posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 10:22:07
In reply to Re: being referred on » Karen_kay, posted by Penny on January 16, 2004, at 23:42:04
I'm just in need of constant reassurance. That's all :) The thought has never crossed my mind that he may act on any type of boundary crossing or that he has ever had any type of inappropriate thoughts about me. My fear is that he is a bit too forthcoming with information, due to the fact that he is new at this.
What I am worried about is the fact that I am inquisitive and he is not highly skilled at directing the conversation in a different direction (which I love!). So, when I ask him personal questions he is more likely to answer rather than ask why I would ask such a question. And I'm certain he asks himself 10 minutes later "Oh no, why did I answer that?", I'm sure it isn't going to be 10 years later.
And he doesn't keep notes at all. A brief paragraph of what happened during the session. He says he has a good memory, which is true. Is that bad? Sometimes I get the feeling he's a little boy in big boy clothes. But, referring a client out is only an option IF and ONLY IF a therapist feels that they aren't helping a client or if they feel they may act upon feelings, right? If that's the case, then I see no need for alarm.
I think I'm going to go in during my next session, have a brief discussion about my asking too many questions, see what he says, also see if he's considered terminating my therapy and move on ASAP so I don't give him any ideas!As for your Pdoc offering you money, did that make you uncomfortable? That is a rather strange situation. On one hand it seems SO nice. It shows that he really cares about your wellbeing. But it begs the question of ethics and his ability to seperate himself from his clients. But, it also shows that you hold a special place at the front of the class :) I'd have snatched the $ from his hand as fast as I could, but that's just me. And said, "Could you bill me for it?" No, I don't think I could have taken the money either. I'd feel like I would have owed him. But, I don't tell my therapist when I have money problems. I like to pretend like I don't have money problems. But, I'm really skilled at denial. I could give you a lesson if you like :) However, it isn't a very effective coping technique. Especially if you spend money you don't have. YIKES!
Posted by crushedout on January 17, 2004, at 12:12:51
In reply to Re: two more links, posted by Dinah on January 16, 2004, at 17:29:42
> > > ...but I didn't read it as saying, terminate these clients.
> >
> > Well, it actually says, "You also need to be prepared to terminate the client without abandoning them." And that's only in the part about the "Client signs" so it's not about a situation where the therapist has feelings for the client. I think that's just silly. Don't you?
> >
> I do. And not only silly, stupid and foolish as well. The surest way for a therapist to get sued is to abandon a client and have a vindictive and/or dead client as a result, it would seem to me. And "terminating without abandoning" is such a stupid oxymoron it isn't even worth discussing.
Excellent point. I'm so glad you agree it's absurdly stupid.
Posted by Joslynn on January 18, 2004, at 1:01:29
In reply to Re: two more links, posted by crushedout on January 17, 2004, at 12:12:51
Yeah that was a stupid link. I should have read it more thoroughly before I posted it. I think the other parts of it were interesting, the parts not written by a laywer.
But, while I don't think it's appropriate for a therapist to abandon a client, I also don't think it's appropriate for therapists to talk about their own sexual practices and feelings, especially if they are fantasizing about patients...even if the fantasies are not about the patient sitting right there.
Mabye I'm conceited, but of course I would assume he was fantasing about moi, LOL. Or, if I thought it wasn't about me...well then, why NOT me, hmmph, what I am, chopped liver? It would be a no-win sitch for me personally.
But then, I don't talk much about sex in therapy. Well, there is nothing to talk about now in that department anyway...I hope I am not boring them.
Posted by Fallen4myT on January 18, 2004, at 1:29:28
In reply to Ok Ladies, Listen UP!!!!, posted by Karen_kay on January 14, 2004, at 14:32:04
I am new here and it is 2 A.M so I do not have a lot to say well, I do but not now. I just had to tell you I think you are so cool Karen I could never ask what you asked your psychologist no matter what :)
Posted by crushedout on January 18, 2004, at 8:42:32
In reply to Re: two more links, posted by Joslynn on January 18, 2004, at 1:01:29
Hey Joslynn, I'm still glad you posted that link. I thought it was interesting. And provoked a "discussion" of what we didn't agree with about it, so grist for the mill.> Yeah that was a stupid link. I should have read it more thoroughly before I posted it. I think the other parts of it were interesting, the parts not written by a laywer.
>
> But, while I don't think it's appropriate for a therapist to abandon a client, I also don't think it's appropriate for therapists to talk about their own sexual practices and feelings, especially if they are fantasizing about patients...even if the fantasies are not about the patient sitting right there.
>
> Mabye I'm conceited, but of course I would assume he was fantasing about moi, LOL. Or, if I thought it wasn't about me...well then, why NOT me, hmmph, what I am, chopped liver? It would be a no-win sitch for me personally.
>
> But then, I don't talk much about sex in therapy. Well, there is nothing to talk about now in that department anyway...I hope I am not boring them.
Posted by dragonfly25 on January 18, 2004, at 9:58:36
In reply to Re: sexual boundary crossing » Joslynn, posted by Karen_kay on January 14, 2004, at 20:50:14
hi karen
i acually was SHOCKED when i read your first post and felt like crushedout and joslynn. But...after reading your defense :) i believe that he has a 'special' relationship with you, not in a sexual way but in a close bonded way. he cares about you and you care about him. this isn't always obvious in therapy relationships, when it happens it is great! i've had it and it was a relationship that others couldn't understand or they wanted??? i could and would say just about anything to him, as he would to me. i could take his humor and he could (sometimes) take mine :) of course i would not be open to hearing about his sex life (well maybe, i don't know, it was never an issue) my point is that i think you have a very unique relationship, with a very unique guy, and i think those are hard to find! when you read about what he first said it is rather shocking but then i went back to my relationship and some of the things i was told about etc, would bother people and i personally think he was awsome! so don't worry about it, i don't think he needs defending, you know what he is like and you know if he is helping you. one otehr thing, i think he knew what he was doing when he said it, i believe that he would not have told you that if you didn't have the 'issues' you have adn i don't think he would say that to many other patients. i hope this helped :)
dragonfly
Posted by crushedout on January 18, 2004, at 10:05:53
In reply to i will defend him.... » Karen_kay, posted by dragonfly25 on January 18, 2004, at 9:58:36
but see, that's the problem. as much as i *want* (as much as i think we all want) to be special to our therapists, one thing that i found informative/intriguing about the links joslynn posted is that we're not *supposed* to be special. if we become that to our Ts, they're actually having a problem. they're no longer objective enough.
what do you guys think of this? is it b.s.? is it ok to be special, e.g., to be our T's faves (or one of them)? or is that a sign of trouble?
> hi karen
>
> i acually was SHOCKED when i read your first post and felt like crushedout and joslynn. But...after reading your defense :) i believe that he has a 'special' relationship with you, not in a sexual way but in a close bonded way. he cares about you and you care about him. this isn't always obvious in therapy relationships, when it happens it is great! i've had it and it was a relationship that others couldn't understand or they wanted??? i could and would say just about anything to him, as he would to me. i could take his humor and he could (sometimes) take mine :) of course i would not be open to hearing about his sex life (well maybe, i don't know, it was never an issue) my point is that i think you have a very unique relationship, with a very unique guy, and i think those are hard to find! when you read about what he first said it is rather shocking but then i went back to my relationship and some of the things i was told about etc, would bother people and i personally think he was awsome! so don't worry about it, i don't think he needs defending, you know what he is like and you know if he is helping you. one otehr thing, i think he knew what he was doing when he said it, i believe that he would not have told you that if you didn't have the 'issues' you have adn i don't think he would say that to many other patients. i hope this helped :)
> dragonfly
Posted by dragonfly25 on January 18, 2004, at 10:13:37
In reply to being Special » dragonfly25, posted by crushedout on January 18, 2004, at 10:05:53
hi
i need to update myself. i hadn't read anything following the post i responded to, i have been doing it now. so i hadn't read the links yet when i posted. i actually thought today was the 16th. that is bad!!!
Posted by dragonfly25 on January 18, 2004, at 10:45:53
In reply to being Special » dragonfly25, posted by crushedout on January 18, 2004, at 10:05:53
ok, i can't read all the posts now cause im running out the door soon (so if i sound ignorant to them, im sorry)but.... yes i think some of boundry issues are bs. and i posted on another thread about how important i think boudries are. i do! i think they are critical. i have had a boundry violation with a therappist.
i think the patient knows when a boundry has been violated, and i don't think karen did until she started reading about all those boundries. actually im not sure she even thinks a boundry was violated???
when i referred to 'special' ididn't mean "special" i meant that it was a solid grounded relationship where you are completely comfortable with the therapist and they are completely comfortable with you. because a therapist can't always be comfortable with patients- we can all be pretty screwed up at times. but after awile you build an understanding kind of. i am having a really hard time explaining what i am trying to say. i think there are critical boundries that should not be crossed. actually i would be interested in knowing if karen is on a first name basis with her therapist. (not saying that it critical, but i think it is important to keep that boundry clear). um i have to think about this...
> but see, that's the problem. as much as i *want* (as much as i think we all want) to be special to our therapists, one thing that i found informative/intriguing about the links joslynn posted is that we're not *supposed* to be special. if we become that to our Ts, they're actually having a problem. they're no longer objective enough.
>
> what do you guys think of this? is it b.s.? is it ok to be special, e.g., to be our T's faves (or one of them)? or is that a sign of trouble?
>
Posted by All Done on January 18, 2004, at 11:26:32
In reply to being Special » dragonfly25, posted by crushedout on January 18, 2004, at 10:05:53
> but see, that's the problem. as much as i *want* (as much as i think we all want) to be special to our therapists, one thing that i found informative/intriguing about the links joslynn posted is that we're not *supposed* to be special. if we become that to our Ts, they're actually having a problem. they're no longer objective enough.
>
> what do you guys think of this? is it b.s.? is it ok to be special, e.g., to be our T's faves (or one of them)? or is that a sign of trouble?
>
>Good questions, crushedout. I think sometimes I am in the minority around here, but I just don't understand how our therapists *couldn't* see each of us as special in one way or another. If my therapist was unable to find my "specialness" in relation to him and our relationship, I would question how effective he could be with me. I don't think it would work if he treated me exactly like he treats every other client he has. I have different issues, feelings, and responses. He has to take that into account. Obviously, they learn the "basics" and use them as a foundation for their objectivity, but they must adapt to each client's personality and situation.
As to "favorites", I always go back to the humanness of our therapists. They have plenty of thoughts and feelings as they are listening to us pour our hearts out each session. I think they are trained to put those to the side so they can use objectivity in formulating their responses to us (therefore maintaining appropriate boundaries). But how could their thoughts and feelings not lead to having favorites?
Posted by crushedout on January 18, 2004, at 11:39:31
In reply to Re: being Special » crushedout, posted by All Done on January 18, 2004, at 11:26:32
Good points, AllDone. Especially about them being human. I think that legal link that said they shouldn't start thinking a client was "special" was probably not very realistic or practical. But I still think that it makes an interesting point, especially with regard to the kind of boundary crossings we're talking about here. Basically, that it's a danger sign.(Just to clarify, by "special," I didn't mean
special in the sense that we're all unique and have different needs, etc. I meant "special" in the sense of being a favorite. In other words, when they see us as *more* "special" than other clients. And as being able to treat us in ways that they wouldn't treat anyone else, or that aren't terribly kosher (such as over-disclosing to us).)
> > but see, that's the problem. as much as i *want* (as much as i think we all want) to be special to our therapists, one thing that i found informative/intriguing about the links joslynn posted is that we're not *supposed* to be special. if we become that to our Ts, they're actually having a problem. they're no longer objective enough.
> >
> > what do you guys think of this? is it b.s.? is it ok to be special, e.g., to be our T's faves (or one of them)? or is that a sign of trouble?
> >
> >
>
> Good questions, crushedout. I think sometimes I am in the minority around here, but I just don't understand how our therapists *couldn't* see each of us as special in one way or another. If my therapist was unable to find my "specialness" in relation to him and our relationship, I would question how effective he could be with me. I don't think it would work if he treated me exactly like he treats every other client he has. I have different issues, feelings, and responses. He has to take that into account. Obviously, they learn the "basics" and use them as a foundation for their objectivity, but they must adapt to each client's personality and situation.
>
> As to "favorites", I always go back to the humanness of our therapists. They have plenty of thoughts and feelings as they are listening to us pour our hearts out each session. I think they are trained to put those to the side so they can use objectivity in formulating their responses to us (therefore maintaining appropriate boundaries). But how could their thoughts and feelings not lead to having favorites?
Posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 11:46:37
In reply to Re: two more links, posted by Joslynn on January 18, 2004, at 1:01:29
While I agree completely that the links were interesting, I must admit they had me SCARED for a while. I know that wasn't your intention. And I wasn't scared that he was acting inappropriately, I was scared that he was considering terminating me. But, I just had to remember that I am one of his favorite clients and all those thoughts deminished :)
I'm quite certain his actions (whoops, did I actually write actions? I meant to write ??Words maybe? Phrashing??) aren't suited for everyone. And I'm also certainhe isn't nearly this relaxed with his other clients. It's jsut that we do have this type of relaionship where I prefer it to remain more casual, so I can trust him and I can open up. My results have proven the effectiveness. I'm less resistant. And I don't have the "Ill-fated Transference Crush" on him as I did when I first began seeing him. He didn't seem to act this way as much when I was experiencing the so called crush.
So, if the results prove in favor of the treatment, I say "Why not?"...
Posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 11:49:46
In reply to Re: Ok Ladies, Listen UP!!!!, posted by Fallen4myT on January 18, 2004, at 1:29:28
Why couldn't you ask? I think things like that aren't nearly as hard as talking about and feeling the things I should be. Then again, my foot is permanently lodged in my throat...
But thanks for the lovely comments. I'll print them out and cherish them forever and ever :)
Posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 11:52:29
In reply to Re: two more links » Joslynn, posted by crushedout on January 18, 2004, at 8:42:32
I agree! Debates are always fun! And to question your therapist about his/her conduct could prove interesting. I plan on possibly bringing it up, if time permits. But Fallsfall asked a question on PSB, "What do therapists talk about to eachother?" and I really want to know. And I think he'll only allow me one question per session..Well, I did get away with 2 last time...
Posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 12:11:35
In reply to Re: being Special, posted by dragonfly25 on January 18, 2004, at 10:45:53
Actually, we are on a first name basis. As he is with every other client he sees. (So, does that make a difference, if he's consistent?) The thing is, he knows that I have problems with guilt and sex combined. Maybe he shouldn't have told me aobut his personal fantasies, but he did include the fact that he also thinks about other people as well (my typing seems to be slowing down, as this isn't really a good defense. Wondering now what the point was....) Oh, got it. The point was to reassure me that IT IS OK for me to think aobut whoever I want because other people do too! (Ah ha! I figured it out!) Now, this is someone I highly respect, and if HE says he thinks about whoever he wants, then it must be OK for me to do as well, you see? If you don't I can draw a picture.. :)
Now, another good thing that has come from all of this is the fact that my trust in him has SKYROCKETED!!! I'm telling you I trust him so much that I'm going to tell him that I googled him, found a pic of his wife (tried to email that pic to my sister to reassure me that I am in fact better looking than her and crashed the site..OH THE HORROR!!! the shame...Maybe I'll leave that one out, should I?? Yeah, I think I will..Oh, ladies, please don't think bad of me. I wsa going through a BAD crush on him at the time...), I found out where he lives, ect. I'm fessing up because I TRUST HIM!!! Just because he answered a question honestly. And this also means that I will be able to talk more freely about my past and different issues because he can "be trusted with my secrets"..... And that's great!
I always wonder how or why he does things, but it seems they ALWAYS work out. Maybe he knows what he's doing, maybe not. Maybe I know what he's doing and he has no clue. Maybe it's the idea that you ladies (and gentlemen) know what he's doing. Maybe no one knows what's going on. But it seems to work for me and that's all that matters :)And the fact that I may or may not feel special doesn't phase me. I know I'm special to the people who matter. I'm not at all suggesting it isn't nice to hear. Oh, it's great! I used to press the issue and he'd become so frustrated! He used to say, "The children I see are my favorite clients." But, I can't be jealous of children can I? Heck yeah I can! But, I know that I'm entertaining on occassion and also making quite a bit of progress. But, I'm not making progress for him. I'm doing it for me. I just know in my herat if i were seeing a different therapist I wouldn't be making the progress I am. I used to see a different therapist for about the same amount of time as I've been seeing him and I made absolutely no progress. It's jsut that he didnt' challenge me nearly enough. He didn't pick up on my game-playing. As much as I hate it when my current therapist accuses me of "playing-games" I know I am. Does that mean I stop? NEVER!
Posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 12:23:26
In reply to Re: being Special » crushedout, posted by All Done on January 18, 2004, at 11:26:32
That goes back to the conversation I had with my therapist about feelings (from the therapist) getting in the way of therapy. I think when I typed that out, it was confused with the previous conversation.
He said that he is able to seperate his feelings to a certain extent from the therapy process. I know that I have favorites. I have my favorite therapist, niece, sister, student when I taught for a class, ect. The point is to not let it show. But therapists undergo training, I would assume, to help them deal with this type of thing. Maybe it wouldn't hurt the client a bit to feel that he/she is the favorite? What do you think? I mean if the client has selfesteem issues or feelings of never being good enough, wouldn't it be a good thing to feel as though she is her therapist's favorite client? Now, even if she is not, just to help boost her ego? I'm not a therapist, probably a good thing mind you, but if the client is struggling with either self esteem issues or especially troubles opening up or trusting the therapist, wouldn't it aid in developing the relationship if the therapist made her think she was special to him in some way (as in one of his favorite clients)?Just because he says it, doesn't make it true, BTW. I don't always believe everything he says. I trust him,but I don't take his word as law :) He is a therapist and I tend to think there's some type of motive behind every word that comes spewing out of his cute little mouth. I'm also a skeptic if you hadn't noticed....
Posted by Penny on January 18, 2004, at 18:03:16
In reply to Re: being referred on » Penny, posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 10:22:07
> As for your Pdoc offering you money, did that make you uncomfortable?
Well, it was an offer of a loan, so not a gift, which is better. He knows that when I get extremely financially strapped and stressed over it, it can send me spiraling downhill faster than almost anything. And while the thought of killing oneself over money problems might seem foolish to someone not in my head, at the time I truly feel like my world is crashing down around me and I see no way out. So at the time I told him that I thought I would be okay until the next payday but if I wasn't I was going to see if I could borrow $100 from my grandmother. And he said, "Well, I don't usually do this, but I would be happy to loan you $100 if your grandmother can't." Mind you, he already writes off part of my copay, and gives me free meds as often as he can. His generosity can be overwhelming at times.
Yeah, I don't know what I did to deserve such treatment from him - I mean, I know he's just as available to his other patients as to me, but I do feel like I have a special relationship with him, perhaps moreso than some of his other patients. I can't say that for sure. Perhaps he just feels sorry for me?
I didn't borrow any money from him and I don't think I could. And it did make me feel a little weird, but it also was kinda nice - though it just strengthens my image of him as father-figure. Sigh...
P
Posted by dragonfly25 on January 18, 2004, at 20:08:29
In reply to Re: being Special » dragonfly25, posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 12:11:35
Hi Karen
I am curious, is his wife pretty?
you know what....i don't know about that name thing, if you always know someone by the first name then whatever, if it changes halfway through well thats a bit weird. so i would say this is just my issue. so ignore me and my anal issues :)
i honestly don't think there is a problem between you and your therapist. as i said before you guys sound like you have a great relationship. and sometimes boundries have to be bvroken to make progress (did i just say that? :) i always speak so pro-boundry) but seriously, that is how i made progress with mine a few years ago. he sounds like yours. what ever works. i think it is a relationship that is great to have and i wouldn't worry about it, it is natural for ANYONE to have more favored feelings to some. he is not perfect, and some therapists hate their patients, i asked my doc about this- eventually they usually pass them on. the one who are favored usually know it, and i don't think that is a boundry violation, it is just a better 'connection' (btw, i am not saying they care any less for other patients)
so the point i was trying to make is if it is working, GREAT! don't try to change it. i think it is awsome you have made such progress!
out of curiousity, how long has he been practicing, this isn't a question about competency, rather an age thing. i have never come accross a therapist younger than...maybe 30. so in my mind i have always thought of them as older. anyone know how young can you start practicing?
Posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 21:15:33
In reply to Re: being Special » Karen_kay, posted by dragonfly25 on January 18, 2004, at 20:08:29
Well, about his wife.... She seems rather drab and boring and not very pretty to me. She picture I saw (well, the first picture, as I've seen two now) was in her wedding gown (making things 20 times worse, since it seems to be such an intimate moment) and the dress was very poofy, her hair well, I just don't want to be disrespectful...I do want to be disrespectful as I don't think I like her because she doesn't let him get enough sleep (like that's her fault???) but I'm choosing to step away with what little dignity I still have(??????)... I did find a different picture of her and her hair wasn't as poofy but she just seemed rather "Sarah Plain and Tall", you know? No makeup, well just nothing stood out about her.
I know that he just recently moved here, as in last year to start practicing. And he just took some big test???? Does anyone have a clue what I'm talking about?? Maybe I'll ask him. But he's very new at this. So we seem to match up perfectly, as I'm very new at this as well :) And I have a preference for "rookies."
But it really great to have everyone else here to come back to and question as well. So, I ask him question after question. Then I rush home and ask you guys/gals question after question about his response. Then I go in and requestion him about his response. Shew! This is a never-ending process! I agree with the poster who said that you need therapy to cope with therapy. Or maybe I just need 2 sessions a week. One session for questions and one session for my issues! That's a logical solution, right?
I can't help wondering though, with my incessant questions am I really solving things (because they truly do help solve issues) or am I avoiding the hard things that I need to deal with. Typically, we spend half the session dealing with my "father issues" and then the rest of the time is "fun time" as I call it. Is this a good balance? It helps to keep me sane at least.
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