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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AMD on April 2, 2013, at 9:50:52
Seventy two hours after a party where I drank heavily, insufflated cocaine, inhaled amyl nitrate, took one huff of some other inhalent, and, horribly, smoked crystal meth -- this an all-time low -- I'm still feeling ill, depressed, and generally hopeless.
Does this get better? I read very scary thing about all of the things above. I've abused cocaine for years and know it's a problem, but my recovery time was usually a day or so, then I'd feel well. But I'd never touched any of the other things, and I'm a nervous wreck thinking about the damage I did to my brain and body. It's been years since I felt this kind of hopelessness, this terrible anhedonia, and I am still ruminating that I will now be permanently tired, depressed, and have a learning disability from this one long, distressful night. I'm so upset.
But I am taking measures: I got a new pdoc, have signed up for a rehab program, and for the first time in my life feel serious about tackling this problem. If there is any silver lining from that night is that it has truly awakened me to the fact I have NO control over this, none at all. I crossed a line I'd always said I wouldn't cross, and it scared the hell out of me.
Yet now I think that one night was it, that's the end of the line. I learned too late. I'm so scared and worried.
amd
Posted by TiredofChemicals on April 2, 2013, at 10:23:40
In reply to Does this get better?, posted by AMD on April 2, 2013, at 9:50:52
I can share as I've been there.
From my experience with amphetamines, it took sometimes, several days for me to get back to a better place of being.Something to consider with mental illness, whatever your "baseline", in regards to to your state of well being prior to taking amphetamines, will most likely not be improved once you regain your clearer state of mind. That's just my experience.
I too, told myself that I never again wanted to mess with amphetamines. Luckily for me, I haven't ventured down that path again. I do struggle with other demons though, alcohol in particular.
With alcohol, I still suffer the terrible reality that my existence isn't always comfortable (once sober).
From my experience in regards to amphetamines, it does get better. Deep down, you know that too. Like I've been told before, "chalk it up as a stumble or learning experience".
Hopefully, my words offer encouragement.
From one human to another.
Posted by Phillipa on April 2, 2013, at 10:37:14
In reply to Re: Does this get better?, posted by TiredofChemicals on April 2, 2013, at 10:23:40
I'm glad you signed up for rehab inpatient or outpatient? I do wish you success. Phillipa
Posted by AMD on April 2, 2013, at 11:18:39
In reply to Re: Does this get better?, posted by Phillipa on April 2, 2013, at 10:37:14
> I'm glad you signed up for rehab inpatient or outpatient? I do wish you success. Phillipa
Intensive outpatient. Can't afford to miss work right now.
I hate feeling like s***!
Posted by Phillipa on April 2, 2013, at 20:24:28
In reply to Re: Does this get better? » Phillipa, posted by AMD on April 2, 2013, at 11:18:39
Working at the same time? That's a big undertaking. Good luck with it. Phillipa
Posted by rjlockhart37 on April 2, 2013, at 23:25:29
In reply to Does this get better?, posted by AMD on April 2, 2013, at 9:50:52
I've been in similar circumstances, but not similar, I did crystal meth and also ICE but there basically the same thing. Meth makes me feel good and empowered and extremely motivated to do things. Yet when im using it, I constantly think about how im gonna get more of it, it makes the mind a prisoner having to constantly thinking of the next good feeling, and if I don't have it, I get vary depressed and hopeless because all the pleasure is not there. What to do, sober up and learn to feel in control after couple weeks of being clean, the reason I did meth because I wanted to feel good and have the rush of everything....train the mind to feel in control while being sober....medications will help with other things.
Posted by AMD on April 3, 2013, at 10:11:49
In reply to Re: Does this get better?, posted by rjlockhart37 on April 2, 2013, at 23:25:29
I am having a lot of anxiety that I've triggered a depression that will never go away. I've been fine for years, even when I used. I'd feel tired, but never depressed, per se, and certainly never so depressed I was having trouble getting out of bed.
But after Friday night I feel not only severely depressed, but also sad and "dirty" -- feeling that I'm disgusting and hopeless and one of "those" people who end up as sad cases, with rotting teeth and no hope of a normal life. It's as if for one night I lived the cliche -- dingy apartment, inhalants, smoking crystal (which didn't really do anything to make me stay up -- I crashed around 10 a.m. in the morning after I might have after a big coke binge).
Now I am reading about use of meth permanently killing dopamine receptors, trigging cognition loss, depression. If it truly possible that I am now subject to a life of pain from the one night? Will the depression ever dissipate? This is not a feeling I'd ever hoped to return to, as it's been years since I've felt this hopeless. (2004/2005.)
The only silver lining is it has finally awoken me to the extent of my lack of control, but if I'm facing a life of blues, fatigue, and mal-health then what good will that do?
amd
> I've been in similar circumstances, but not similar, I did crystal meth and also ICE but there basically the same thing. Meth makes me feel good and empowered and extremely motivated to do things. Yet when im using it, I constantly think about how im gonna get more of it, it makes the mind a prisoner having to constantly thinking of the next good feeling, and if I don't have it, I get vary depressed and hopeless because all the pleasure is not there. What to do, sober up and learn to feel in control after couple weeks of being clean, the reason I did meth because I wanted to feel good and have the rush of everything....train the mind to feel in control while being sober....medications will help with other things.
>
>
Posted by rjlockhart37 on April 3, 2013, at 12:43:01
In reply to Re: Does this get better? » rjlockhart37, posted by AMD on April 3, 2013, at 10:11:49
one thing that may make you feel better is that meth has to be repeatedly taken over weeks or more to cause brain damage, what may of happened you may have used a lot of it and it caused the brain to feel drained from low dopamine. Repeated/months use will burn out the dopamine receptors, like pressing on the accelerator In the car all the time....eventually the engine will wear down. It will restore itself back to normal if this just used a couple times..., the people that have Parkinson's disease from meth are hard core users for days of staying awake with no sleep...and then repeating it over again... Just let your mind stabilize for a couple days. Fish oil, go to the store and get supplements that say brain restore...amino acids, all that you need to recoope.
but people on the street who do all this stuff...more like junkies... I've seen it they lie, they look dirty in general, cheat, have nasty boney face from excessive use, and bad breath and rotted mouth, not all of them, but there just looking for anything for the next high. You don't have to see yourself as that, I've used meth repeatedly and know that it will suck all life to where your thinking about using it over and over, getting that next high..... cocaine in my opinion is, a bit less dirty than meth, it doesn't cause damage that meth causes, the high is shorter....like 30-45min, and it has to be repeatedly used to keep it. It wears you down, presses all the go buttons in the brain and then it leaves it with no juice left.
I used to go to NA, theres some people that used to talk about being clean for 20 years and then after that they went right back to their habit 20 years earlier....it goes into remission like cancer, its not a curable condition. It's that thing where use anything to change the way feel to feel better, because feel so crappy all the time.
Medications will help.....but what causes/triggers the need to use? like stress? bad things happening? or just want to feel better?
just hang in there.....the more info you have I can help a bit more.....
Posted by SLS on April 3, 2013, at 13:32:52
In reply to Does this get better?, posted by AMD on April 2, 2013, at 9:50:52
> Seventy two hours after a party where I drank heavily, insufflated cocaine, inhaled amyl nitrate, took one huff of some other inhalent, and, horribly, smoked crystal meth --
Don't do that anymore.
What was your motivation for taking these substances?
> this an all-time low -- I'm still feeling ill, depressed, and generally hopeless.
Some of these drugs can produce damage to nerve cells - especially methamphetamine. Don't do that anymore.
> Does this get better?
It is hard to say. The brain is somewhat resilient, and may find ways to repair itself or compensate for tissue damage by rerouting neural circuits. It is difficult for me to imagine that you have damaged the physiology of your brain in a way that would leave you "stuck" in depression. Instead, I would think it more likely that you "triggered" a latent depressive disorder that is treatable. In fact, it might be that you have been experiencing a subsyndromal depression for quite awhile, which led you to "self-medicate" and experiment with various. Many addictions are the result of anomalous brain function that is hard to treat behaviorally. I'm glad that you are scared. I hope you stay scared. Stick with the addiction programs offered to you and take a serious look at the possibility that you triggered a major depressive episode.
How old are you?
- Scott
Posted by AMD on April 3, 2013, at 17:13:41
In reply to Re: Does this get better? » AMD, posted by SLS on April 3, 2013, at 13:32:52
SLS --
I am in my mid-30s and haven't had a major depressive episode in almost a decade, this in spite of weekend use of alcohol and cocaine for almost the entire time.
I can only imagine this weekend was different for two reasons: (i) for the first time in an already drunk and cocaine-induced state I found myself around the substances and, my self-control already at a minimum, I imbibed without thinking; or (ii) my cocaine and alcohol use has steadily become more damaging to my self-control that it was a crossing of a boundary than the mere presence of the other drugs' availability that led to the use.
In either case, bad news and a wake up call.
It's been about 100 hours now and I still feel really down. I slept at work today for four hours and just want to go home and get back into bed. This is not sustainable so I hope the depressed mood lifts soon.
amd
> > Seventy two hours after a party where I drank heavily, insufflated cocaine, inhaled amyl nitrate, took one huff of some other inhalent, and, horribly, smoked crystal meth --
>
> Don't do that anymore.
>
> What was your motivation for taking these substances?
>
> > this an all-time low -- I'm still feeling ill, depressed, and generally hopeless.
>
> Some of these drugs can produce damage to nerve cells - especially methamphetamine. Don't do that anymore.
>
> > Does this get better?
>
> It is hard to say. The brain is somewhat resilient, and may find ways to repair itself or compensate for tissue damage by rerouting neural circuits. It is difficult for me to imagine that you have damaged the physiology of your brain in a way that would leave you "stuck" in depression. Instead, I would think it more likely that you "triggered" a latent depressive disorder that is treatable. In fact, it might be that you have been experiencing a subsyndromal depression for quite awhile, which led you to "self-medicate" and experiment with various. Many addictions are the result of anomalous brain function that is hard to treat behaviorally. I'm glad that you are scared. I hope you stay scared. Stick with the addiction programs offered to you and take a serious look at the possibility that you triggered a major depressive episode.
>
> How old are you?
>
>
> - Scott
Posted by AMD on April 3, 2013, at 17:35:21
In reply to Re: Does this get better? » AMD, posted by rjlockhart37 on April 3, 2013, at 12:43:01
I hope it's true things will get better -- my entire body, physically and mentally, feels run down. I can't focus on anything, I'm tired, and I'm sad. I am also concerned about my health. What a mess.
Thank you for your words. I'm going to go to GNC and see about some supplements. Anything you recommend?
amd
> one thing that may make you feel better is that meth has to be repeatedly taken over weeks or more to cause brain damage, what may of happened you may have used a lot of it and it caused the brain to feel drained from low dopamine. Repeated/months use will burn out the dopamine receptors, like pressing on the accelerator In the car all the time....eventually the engine will wear down. It will restore itself back to normal if this just used a couple times..., the people that have Parkinson's disease from meth are hard core users for days of staying awake with no sleep...and then repeating it over again... Just let your mind stabilize for a couple days. Fish oil, go to the store and get supplements that say brain restore...amino acids, all that you need to recoope.
>
> but people on the street who do all this stuff...more like junkies... I've seen it they lie, they look dirty in general, cheat, have nasty boney face from excessive use, and bad breath and rotted mouth, not all of them, but there just looking for anything for the next high. You don't have to see yourself as that, I've used meth repeatedly and know that it will suck all life to where your thinking about using it over and over, getting that next high..... cocaine in my opinion is, a bit less dirty than meth, it doesn't cause damage that meth causes, the high is shorter....like 30-45min, and it has to be repeatedly used to keep it. It wears you down, presses all the go buttons in the brain and then it leaves it with no juice left.
>
> I used to go to NA, theres some people that used to talk about being clean for 20 years and then after that they went right back to their habit 20 years earlier....it goes into remission like cancer, its not a curable condition. It's that thing where use anything to change the way feel to feel better, because feel so crappy all the time.
>
> Medications will help.....but what causes/triggers the need to use? like stress? bad things happening? or just want to feel better?
>
> just hang in there.....the more info you have I can help a bit more.....
Posted by rjlockhart37 on April 3, 2013, at 21:55:48
In reply to Re: Does this get better? » rjlockhart37, posted by AMD on April 3, 2013, at 17:35:21
get L-Tyrosine, that should bring your dopamine levels back. Also get Acetyl L Carnitine here's a link:
http://www.tnvitamins.com/item.php?sourceID=2&utm_source=nextag&utm_medium=cpc&utm_content=product&utm_campaign=shopping-comparison&iID=98320that's for general cognitive function improvement, also fish oil will help.
if these urges happen again to do it, have a glass of wine, ciggerette, coffee, but just try to avoid going back to the hell house....when I was doing things I shouldn't of been doing it usally where at run down houses, there so filthy and full of thieves, people waiting for the next high, its basically junkie house. Don't go back.
Posted by sigismund on April 3, 2013, at 21:58:32
In reply to Re: Does this get better? » rjlockhart37, posted by AMD on April 3, 2013, at 17:35:21
>I'm going to go to GNC and see about some supplements. Anything you recommend?
Since you like stimulants, what about rhodiola?
It lightened my sleep too much but otherwise I found it pretty good.
Posted by AMD on April 4, 2013, at 15:09:38
In reply to Re: Does this get better? » AMD, posted by rjlockhart37 on April 3, 2013, at 21:55:48
I'll give those a shot, thanks.
The alcohol I need to avoid, though - it's what triggers all this other stuff.
amd
> get L-Tyrosine, that should bring your dopamine levels back. Also get Acetyl L Carnitine here's a link:
> http://www.tnvitamins.com/item.php?sourceID=2&utm_source=nextag&utm_medium=cpc&utm_content=product&utm_campaign=shopping-comparison&iID=98320
>
> that's for general cognitive function improvement, also fish oil will help.
>
> if these urges happen again to do it, have a glass of wine, ciggerette, coffee, but just try to avoid going back to the hell house....when I was doing things I shouldn't of been doing it usally where at run down houses, there so filthy and full of thieves, people waiting for the next high, its basically junkie house. Don't go back.
>
>
Posted by AMD on April 4, 2013, at 15:11:46
In reply to Re: Does this get better? » AMD, posted by sigismund on April 3, 2013, at 21:58:32
I don't really "like" stimulants; more like they are my drug of choice. Cocaine, though, not the other ones. This was an aberration and one I'm loath to repeat.
It's triggered a major dip into depression though, and that's what is troubling me. I'm stopping all substances and now attending an outpatient rehab, but I'm concerned this cognitive fog is not going to lift. It's been almost a week now.
amd
> >I'm going to go to GNC and see about some supplements. Anything you recommend?
>
> Since you like stimulants, what about rhodiola?
>
> It lightened my sleep too much but otherwise I found it pretty good.
This is the end of the thread.
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