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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by g_g_g_unit on December 31, 2011, at 4:06:19
I'm not sure if this would be better suited to the psychology or drugs forum, but either way, I need some advice.
I apologize for such an un-festive New Year's post, but I've been struggling dearly. It's now over 30 days on a higher dose (20mg) of Lexapro, and I only find myself swinging unpredictably between extreme apathy and teary dysphoria, hounded by ever-persistent thoughts of suicide.
I've just been relentlessly butting heads with my parents over the past few days. Things are tremulous at the best of times, but I had a particularly bad spell of depression three days ago and decided to retreat to my room. Considering I suffer from OCD, ADHD, and Major Depression, there is very little I can actually *do* to preoccupy myself during the day, so I'll tend to lie in bed or spend time on the internet. Anyway, despite countless instances of trying to drive home how distressing OCD in and of itself can be, my mother refused to believe my claims that nothing else was bothering me and decided to call the psychiatric services. Thankfully, they couldn't intervene because I described having no suicidal intentions.
But regardless, that episode just made me even more resentful towards my mother. I have a strong oppositional streak and will 'cut off my nose to spite my face', and so have just taken to further isolation. My father is a passive-aggressive coward and, bereft of any real compassion, will order me to shower or tidy my room (at the age of 26), or parrot my mother and angrily declare that I have to get out of bed. This evening he screamed at me because I just said I felt like rice for dinner.
I don't understand what my parents want, to be honest. They constantly invite me to share what's on my mind, and yet when I finally do, my mother either a) completely blows up at the slightest suggestion of any fault on her part, or b) dismisses, outright, what I've just told her. My father will offer this sort of synthetic sympathy, yet curdle at any perceived challenge to his authority. Even after writing a painfully open letter to them detailing what suffering with OCD is like, none of it seems to have sunk in; the other day my mother told me I should stop moping and just be thankful I don't have cancer.
So it's no wonder I resent them! In fact, they make me feel so sick and repelled that I can barely even speak to them lately. And at the same time, I'm completely dependent on them because of my OCD (I can't work and don't qualify for disability), which makes me hate them even more. I feel so trapped and scared, with no one at all to confide in; I live in this really strange dynamic where it's like I'll be abused, regress, then be abused further for reacting to the original abuse. I have no 'voice' at home.
I guess I just wanted to know if anyone has had to deal with anything similar at home while suffering , and if they had any advice. Do you just try to keep your elders appeased, at all costs, so you have somewhere to live? What do you do with all that residual anger and hatred? Am I missing something about my own culpability here? And why am I feeling, if anything, more anxious and emotionally reactive on Lexapro (i.e. crying at the slightest affront from my parents)? I stopped Valium a week ago, so could withdrawal be a factor, or should it be out of my system by now?
Posted by SLS on December 31, 2011, at 6:30:53
In reply to overly emotional, posted by g_g_g_unit on December 31, 2011, at 4:06:19
There is no need for you to apologize for struggling and suffering - even on New Years. You know that.
You sound very distressed. Lexapro, like many other antidepressants, can produce dysphoria and other negative reactions. You might have to look for an alternative treatment. I think that you would have already passed through the withdrawal period for Valium withdrawal, but perhaps not. It might depend upon how long you were on it. Ed_UK2010 would know better than me.
I had to move out of my parent's house in order to save my sanity. Fortunately, I had Easter Seals to provide a roof over my head until I was able to get my own apartment. My relationship with my mother is quite pleasant now.
Depression and negative antidepressant reactions can produce agitation and irritability. I would think about reducing or even discontinuing the Lexapro as an experiment. You would know pretty quickly if it is the culprit.
You are not culpable for anything.
Good luck.
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on December 31, 2011, at 10:22:11
In reply to Re: overly emotional » g_g_g_unit, posted by SLS on December 31, 2011, at 6:30:53
I don't know as found cutting down on lexapro tiny dose was detrimental to me and how I feel. But the valium how high a dose and long on it as I've read it accumulates in muscle tissue so even a week later that could be it? Tough situation. Until one walks in your shoes they will never know. Can or do you have a counsellor that could help them understand? Phillipa
Posted by Phidippus on January 1, 2012, at 20:11:01
In reply to overly emotional, posted by g_g_g_unit on December 31, 2011, at 4:06:19
>Do you just try to keep your elders appeased, at >all costs, so you have somewhere to live?
Your parents seem to have a hard time understanding your illness. Maybe the best thing to do right now is keep it to yourself. That sounds awful, but maybe they're just not ready
>What do you do with all that residual anger and >hatred?
Sublimate it. Write.
>Am I missing something about my own culpability >here?
What do you think you are at fault for?
>And why am I feeling, if anything, more anxious >and emotionally reactive on Lexapro (i.e. crying >at the slightest affront from my parents)?
It may not be the Lexapro. Stop worrying about every little change medications may make to your psyche.
>I stopped Valium a week ago, so could withdrawal >be a factor, or should it be out of my system by >now?
Withdrawal is not a consideration. You may just be more anxious because you're off the Valium.
Stay on track with the Lexapro. Remember, your target dose is 40 mg. With the level of your anxiety, I think your going to want to look at AAPs once your up on your Lexapro.
You really need to start getting more aggressive with treating your OCD. It should not disable you.
Eric
Posted by g_g_g_unit on January 2, 2012, at 5:46:00
In reply to Re: overly emotional » g_g_g_unit, posted by SLS on December 31, 2011, at 6:30:53
Thanks for your post, Scott. I'm sorry to hear about your own parental struggles, though as disheartening as it may be, it's essentially the answer I expected.
My mother is a narcissist, and thus well versed in the art of making me feel guilty for any complaints issued against her - hence my questioning my own culpability.
I wasn't aware that AD's could produce dysphoria. Thanks for the tip. I'll discuss it with my doctor.
> There is no need for you to apologize for struggling and suffering - even on New Years. You know that.
>
> You sound very distressed. Lexapro, like many other antidepressants, can produce dysphoria and other negative reactions. You might have to look for an alternative treatment. I think that you would have already passed through the withdrawal period for Valium withdrawal, but perhaps not. It might depend upon how long you were on it. Ed_UK2010 would know better than me.
>
> I had to move out of my parent's house in order to save my sanity. Fortunately, I had Easter Seals to provide a roof over my head until I was able to get my own apartment. My relationship with my mother is quite pleasant now.
>
> Depression and negative antidepressant reactions can produce agitation and irritability. I would think about reducing or even discontinuing the Lexapro as an experiment. You would know pretty quickly if it is the culprit.
>
> You are not culpable for anything.
>
> Good luck.
>
>
> - Scott
Posted by g_g_g_unit on January 2, 2012, at 5:47:19
In reply to Re: overly emotional, posted by Phillipa on December 31, 2011, at 10:22:11
> Can or do you have a counsellor that could help them understand? Phillipa
I do have a counsellor, but the problem is I don't feel they care to understand. When I brought them in for a meeting with my psychiatrist and stated that things were difficult at home, my mother later accused me of trying to make her look bad in front of him.
Posted by g_g_g_unit on January 2, 2012, at 5:56:29
In reply to Re: overly emotional » g_g_g_unit, posted by Phidippus on January 1, 2012, at 20:11:01
> >Do you just try to keep your elders appeased, at >all costs, so you have somewhere to live?
>
> Your parents seem to have a hard time understanding your illness. Maybe the best thing to do right now is keep it to yourself. That sounds awful, but maybe they're just not readyI don't think they'll ever be ready. And that would be fine with me. But I find the constant need to keep up appearances tiring. I can't even hide out in my room without having psychiatric services called.
> >What do you do with all that residual anger and >hatred?
>
> Sublimate it. Write.Hmm, I've never trusted the journelling-process for some reason, but maybe I'll give it a shot.
> >Am I missing something about my own culpability >here?
>
> What do you think you are at fault for?I don't know. Because I'm never allowed to speak out against my parents in the first place, I feel like I tend to bear grudges against them for inordinate periods of time.
>
> >And why am I feeling, if anything, more anxious >and emotionally reactive on Lexapro (i.e. crying >at the slightest affront from my parents)?
>
> It may not be the Lexapro. Stop worrying about every little change medications may make to your psyche.To be honest, I find the way you have me pegged as some kind of hypochondriac kind of frustrating. I was familiar with the effects Lexapro had at 10 and 15mg; it induced apathy, but also diminished my physical anxiety rather effectively, and kept my mood flat-yet-even. At over a month on 20mg, I have seen zero anxiolysis or mood stabilization, and when you're as anxious as I am on a day-to-day basis - not to mention having spent so long seeking out effective treatment - obviously I'm going to question why. If the Valium withdrawal "isn't a consideration", then there can be no other explanation.
>
>
> Stay on track with the Lexapro. Remember, your target dose is 40 mg. With the level of your anxiety, I think your going to want to look at AAPs once your up on your Lexapro.
>
> You really need to start getting more aggressive with treating your OCD. It should not disable you.
>
> Eric
Posted by Phidippus on January 2, 2012, at 16:10:30
In reply to Re: overly emotional » Phidippus, posted by g_g_g_unit on January 2, 2012, at 5:56:29
>I can't even hide out in my room without having >psychiatric services called.
What's that all about? Your parents need to be educated about your illness. Maybe a group therapy session might benefit all of you.
>To be honest, I find the way you have me pegged as >some kind of hypochondriac kind of >frustrating.
I don't think you're a hypochondriac. I just know from experience people with anxiety disorders tend to get paranoid about the medications they are taking.
>At over a month on 20mg, I have seen zero >anxiolysis or mood stabilization
Lexapro isn't going to provide any mood stabilization.
Again, I stress, the nominal dose for treating OCD with Lexapro is 40 mg. You may not have enough in your system yet.
What exactly do you want the Lexapro to do for you?
Eric
Posted by g_g_g_unit on January 5, 2012, at 4:11:10
In reply to Re: overly emotional » g_g_g_unit, posted by Phidippus on January 2, 2012, at 16:10:30
> What's that all about? Your parents need to be educated about your illness. Maybe a group therapy session might benefit all of you.
I've tried. We had a group session with my psychiatrist, though he only glossed over the OCD. Anyway, my mother acted so put out that I'd dread to ask her again. I just think they're both too literal-minded to truly grasp the realities of psychic pain.
> >To be honest, I find the way you have me pegged as >some kind of hypochondriac kind of >frustrating.
>
> I don't think you're a hypochondriac. I just know from experience people with anxiety disorders tend to get paranoid about the medications they are taking.
>
> >At over a month on 20mg, I have seen zero >anxiolysis or mood stabilization
>
> Lexapro isn't going to provide any mood stabilization.Well, I don't suffer from Bipolar (as far as I'm aware). What I mean by 'mood stabilization' is greater emotional resilience, and a flattening out of any highs/lows, which SSRIs typically provide me.
>
> Again, I stress, the nominal dose for treating OCD with Lexapro is 40 mg. You may not have enough in your system yet.
>
> What exactly do you want the Lexapro to do for you?I would like to see a reduction in physical anxiety/panic-like reactions to thoughts, i.e. less freaking out. I'd also like it to make Dexamphetamine tolerable, so I can actually concentrate on stuff.
Posted by SLS on January 5, 2012, at 4:30:13
In reply to Re: overly emotional » Phidippus, posted by g_g_g_unit on January 5, 2012, at 4:11:10
> I would like to see a reduction in physical anxiety/panic-like reactions to thoughts, i.e. less freaking out. I'd also like it to make Dexamphetamine tolerable, so I can actually concentrate on stuff.
What about adding Klonopin (clonazepam) in conjunction with the amphetamine?
- Scott
Posted by g_g_g_unit on January 5, 2012, at 6:18:50
In reply to Re: overly emotional, posted by SLS on January 5, 2012, at 4:30:13
> > I would like to see a reduction in physical anxiety/panic-like reactions to thoughts, i.e. less freaking out. I'd also like it to make Dexamphetamine tolerable, so I can actually concentrate on stuff.
>
>
> What about adding Klonopin (clonazepam) in conjunction with the amphetamine?
>I've brought up Klonopin before, but my psychiatrist seemed a little hesitant. I know he has stated that Valium and Xanax are his benzos of choice because they're less likely to incur tolerance - and that he dislikes Ativan for that reason. He never expounded on his hesitancy re: Klonopin .. but he is a little prudent at times (or concerned for his patients' well being, I suppose), and doesn't Klonopin have a reputation for being difficult to come off?
Posted by SLS on January 5, 2012, at 7:56:23
In reply to Re: overly emotional » SLS, posted by g_g_g_unit on January 5, 2012, at 6:18:50
> > > I would like to see a reduction in physical anxiety/panic-like reactions to thoughts, i.e. less freaking out. I'd also like it to make Dexamphetamine tolerable, so I can actually concentrate on stuff.
> >
> >
> > What about adding Klonopin (clonazepam) in conjunction with the amphetamine?
> >
>
> I've brought up Klonopin before, but my psychiatrist seemed a little hesitant. I know he has stated that Valium and Xanax are his benzos of choice because they're less likely to incur tolerance - and that he dislikes Ativan for that reason. He never expounded on his hesitancy re: Klonopin .. but he is a little prudent at times (or concerned for his patients' well being, I suppose), and doesn't Klonopin have a reputation for being difficult to come off?I had a much harder time discontinuing Klonopin than Ativan, but if the stuff works, you wouldn't want to come off of it anyway, so withdrawal is not necessarily a relevant consideration.
- Scott
Posted by Phidippus on January 6, 2012, at 16:05:08
In reply to Re: overly emotional » Phidippus, posted by g_g_g_unit on January 5, 2012, at 4:11:10
>I would like to see a reduction in physical >anxiety/panic-like reactions to thoughts, i.e. >less freaking out.
It seems like you panic easily. Have you tried medications that target panic symptoms, like Prazosin or Gabitril?
> I'd also like it to make Dexamphetamine >tolerable, so I can actually concentrate on >stuff.
That's a good goal, as dex can actually reduce OCD symptoms as well.
Eric
This is the end of the thread.
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