Posted by rjlockhart37 on March 31, 2014, at 11:44:24
the other day i was smoking and then i choked threw up everything my meds and couldnt re take them.....sorry to be nasty, but after that i wanted to smash my head in a window befcause it made all them come up and made me miserable the rest of the day.....
its things like that....i just want to just grab my neck and choke myself to death....its so much anger against myself of all the failures i have done....i don't cut or do self harm but it is really tempting to smash my head into a wall....it s not going to do any good really, but i hate myself so much, i want to end my pathethic existance....and no don't be concerned, no suicidal implication, its just that's how much i hate things i do, lock my keys in the car, then trip over and skin my face trying to call, then put it in my pocket and it dialed 911 by itself...and the police tracked the phone the other day, and search me because they hear me in the background.....you see this is so much hate, for everything i destroyed and failed, i sit and curse over again then i do something again, trip and fall again, might as well accidently swallow dianamite powerder and make taht the last mistake ever....
ughhh.....there just so much anger at things and espically myself for creating problems and then randomly do something stupid, lose everything i have, then trip and smash my face while im mad.....thats what happened the other day....
god.....i just want to vent, there's no self pity im doing, i do these things over and over again, never learn, lose, forget, do incredible stupid things.....without knowing it.....
anyways....just a vent.....im fine im off the school
r
not a scholar but understand distress.....
"unheard pain, is the told through good company"
poster:rjlockhart37
thread:1063470
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140312/msgs/1063470.html