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learning to touch

Posted by alexandra_k on April 9, 2013, at 2:42:59

kids.

i'm flatting with a guy and his daughter. she has just turned 11. she is mostly still very much a kid. she loves to touch, i'm realizing. it took me a while because i'm fairly english with my sense of touch... i mean... i respectfully just kind of never touch people. apologize and back off when i accidentally touch. am not flirty... but i'm realizing that sometimes she really just wants to be touched. and have eye contact with a smile. just normal social interaction stuff that... is something i've never had.

and... i can. sorta. and it feels kinda safe for me to practice these things with her. which is nice for me. good for me. and good for her, i guess, too. i hope. it makes me feel warm inside.

i guess i'm kinda autistic.

the other day i went to the gym... and there is a stadium attached... and there was a karate tournament. so i watched for a while. and one of the kids was crying... by herself... and i (unthinkingly) asked if she was alright and of course she said 'yes' the way that most people do... and i just kind of put my hand on her knee (which i think was a bit awkward in hindsight but hard for me to reach anyplace else cause she was on a stadium seat behind me) and... well... she didn't seem to mind...

one of my od attempts... youngish A and E doc... she just... held my hand for a bit. just sat with me and held my hand for a bit. and it felt nice, yeah. and one of the psych nurses once... asked me if i wanted a hug (actually a couple of them have done that over the years) but one of them... i don't know why but i hugged her and... it really helped. really specially particularly helped.

maybe i will make a good physio after all?

i hopes.

then it is just a matter of my getting through the curriculum, really... i'm having teething troubles... balking at being treated like a first year. balking... we just don't have graduate entry programs is the problem...

i could switch over to sports science and do a grad entry program and bridge to start a phd in a couple years... i'm kinda tossing things up... i don't know...

humility?

is that what it is?

 

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